Right, here it is....my submission for Numpty Of The Week and Bad Mother combined...
Today I locked my baby in the car.
That's right. You know that thing that sometimes you come close to doing and then your brain stops you just in time and you think 'Oh no, what would have happened if I'd done that?' and then you forget about it five minutes later because it didn't happen? Well today it happened to me.
I had done a quick shop at Aldi before picking the boys up from school. It had all gone well, got round in record time, found everything I wanted, and DS4 had sat really well in the trolley for a change, instead of trying to climb out. I even allowed someone to cut in front of me in the queue and then a staff member said 'We're just opening this till over here' and guided me to it so I got through faster than the queue-jumper. Oh yes, it was a great shopping trip.
So I came out with plenty of time to spare and put DS4 in the car first, then the shopping bags. I did exactly what I usually do and locked the car door from the inside while I took the trolley back to the front of the shop. That way instead of clicking the key fob and switching on the alarm, I am keeping the baby safe for half a minute while I run back without the alarm going off when he moves and terrorising him. Except this time, when I got back to the car, I felt my pockets and realise that the keys weren't there. I had, in fact, put the keys down while I strapped him in, which meant that the keys were in the car, with the baby.
I don't think I need to tell you the level of panic I felt at that moment, because you've all got good imaginations (or have maybe done something equally numpty-ish in the past. Maybe. Possibly? Anyone?)
After trying every handle and window I ran back into the shop and tearfully told the security guard that I had trapped my 18 month old in the car. He was so nice - he let me use his own mobile rather than the store's phone, so that I could stand next to the car while I did it. I rang my friend, who has the spare key to our house, to see if she could get in and bring DHs car keys to me, but she wasn't at home. I rang DH but it kept going straight to answerphone. I had no other options, so then the guard called the police for me. I had to ring school to tell them what had happened, and ask them to look after the boys for however long I might be, while trying not to sound too hysterical.
While I was doing all this, I was dancing around the car like a raving loony in the rain to keep DS4 happy, so he thought it was wonderful that mummy was being so hysterically funny today and so willing to play peek-a-boo through all the windows.
Then a miracle happened - the farm that DH was working on had no signal at all (he had already tried to ring other people from his phone with no luck) but suddenly it beeped to tell him he had a message. He picked it up, made sense of my hysteria, and managed to ring me back. He was working in Kendal (about 30 mins away) and had just finished a job so was able to set off almost straight away. He said that as soon as he hung up he tried to ring me back to ask another question and there was absolutley no signal again whatsoever!
In the meantime, the police arrived and were absolutely lovely. The police woman joined me in my crazy window jumping games in the pouring rain, and the security guard went and found me an umbrella.
Eventually, DH turned up with the keys, so the whole episode had taken just over an hour. I've never been so glad to see him in my life I think. I nearly hugged him in his cow-crapped-on clothes but managed to restrain myself.
The second miracle was that the same child who had screamed blue murder this morning because I was drinking tea in the kitchen at playgroup (no hot drinks in hall rule) and would only hold his hands through the safety gate instead of picking him up, had sat in the car for an hour without crying or whining or having any idea of what was going on around him. And when I got to school, the rest of them had had a fantastic time. The DTs had joined in Year 3s choir practice and DS1 had gone to Year 6s football training so they thought it was great!
So the good news is that the only traumatised party was me. Even DH was pleased that it had got him home from work earlier than usual.
I don't drink, I don't smoke (the security guard even offered me one and I thought about it!) - what else do I do to stop the shakes girls?