I am feeling very very guilty and horrible as I have just lost it with Becca and now she is crying and the boys are doing there usual thing and H is in bed, has been most of the day! If I bring one down here to sleep they only think its a treat, I have had them down, talked to them, sat them at the table doing maths, stopped treats, no telly, no nintendos etc, just nothing seems to sink in! H has more or less been in bed since Sat, totally knocked out by the chemo, being snappy with me over the slightest thing. Becca slept all thru last night so I had hoped she was going to be better today, but her neck is still painful and the rash is odd, it seems to fade then comes back again. She is ok though otherwise, but is feeling very sorry for herself and if she has asked me once today when will the rash go away she has asked me a thousand times. I managed to get the boys out to a fellow MN today bless her, my dear friend Tessiebear, so that made Becs even more fed up, she didnt want to bake, didnt want to play games, just moped around watching American rubbish! Made a beef casserole, creamed potatoes, veg from the allotment, pancakes........hardly anybody touched it, what to do girls, what to do? D`y think the kids are just reacting to whats going on? I am trying so hard to look after everybody, doing all the work here, I know poor H is feeling rotten, I worry about him but I just need some time for me. This is my time, on here when everyone has gone to bed, but even now its not relaxing as I can hear them, boys talking and now after the tears and me feeling guilty she is singing! I just hope they can all go to their friends party tomorrow then I wil have from 2-7pm all for me, not sure what I will do! We have an appt with the oncologist on Thurs, that has my stomach in knots, what she will have to say. Apart from all that girls I guess I am fine, ha ha