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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

friendships with parents of twins

29 replies

hatter · 29/05/2004 13:46

Just over a year ago some friends of mine had twins. Now I know kids can take over your life and I know I can't imagine what it's like to have twins (but I do know what it's like to have two kids) but I really feel like we've lost these friends. We've seen them maybe twice since the twins were born. They never give invites out and constantly reject them - even when they've been made specifically with kids in mind. A lot of our mutual friends have kids/babies and if we go to each others houses or have a party we always start things off in the afternoon so it's easy to bring kids and there's always an open invitation to bring travel cots and stay into the evening.As a group we're very supportive of each other and have all found that having kids at the same time has been a very positive experience - we share advice and talk about kids lots, on the whole it's a real bond. But these guys have just dropped out, basicially. In the last year the best these guys have managed is one two-hour visit. The twins always have to be home for tea and bath, every night - without fail. We sort of thought things would start to change as they got older but I'm really not convinced now. I feel really sad but I do think our firendship is grinding to a halt. I also feel sad that I barely know their kids. We obviously differ in our perspectives about having kids and having a life and I don't mean to sound critical of their choices in that respect, but I think they're missing out on positive things, including letting their kids have close relationships with other adults who - given the chance - would adore them. I'm not sure they realise that they're in teh process of loosing friends (it's not just us). So what do you think? Am I being unsympathetic and selfish or do I have a grievance? Should I tell them how I feel or just let things drift?

OP posts:
Paula71 · 06/06/2004 21:12

Haven't seen you for ages Triplets, good to see you back.

jac34 · 14/06/2004 21:21

Hatter,
DH and I have the same kind of idea as you, about taking our DS twins(5.5) with us most places.Even when they were small, they always enjoy a party, and will dance the night away until much later than us.However, they have always been very good at sleeping anywhere, we also used to take their PJ's with us when we visited ,so that we could get them to sleep on the way home. They had been on a plane about 6 times by the time they were 2.
We tended to host parties while they were small as this was easier, but we just did not do it very often as it was so knackering.I also couldn't sit down too long anywhere as I'd just nod off.
I'm sure your friends are not avoiding you, they are proberbly just too tired and it's so much easier to stay at home.

Jimjams · 19/06/2004 20:14

hatter I think Paula has probably summed it up really. With ds1 and ds2 the real difference is behaviour. If ds1 was a "normal" 5 year old I could supervise from afar, but he needs more supervision than his 2 year old brother. DH and I do go out with them both- but he spends the whole time watching ds1 and I spend the whole time watching ds2. It's a lot of effort for no rest/socialising at all.

The only parties/groups I really enjoy going to with the boys are ones organised by my family as everyone chips in. My aunts, uncles, cousins (and of course mum and dad) take it in turns to entertain ds1 and ds2 is usually fairly happy playing with someone- so we do get a rest and a chance to talk to other people (and each other!). Other trips out are just a complete chore really.

Triplets sorry to hear about the 10th anniversary. I suspect tigermoth is right- maybe it just doesn't occur to single friends to invite you as they think you are too busy

hatter · 17/07/2004 16:38

a belated update. Thanks to the postings here I realised that I could make more of a , shall we say, "tailored" effort. As a result saw my friend and her beautiful twins the other week (they really are gorgeous) and have plans for a day out with both families. thank you m-netters

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