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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

Not eating pork

47 replies

SahmOldSameOld · 06/01/2013 22:23

One of the few practices of my faith which I observe is not to eat pork, and I do not give my 4 yo DD pork to eat either.

How do I best explain to my DD why she can't eat ham sandwiches like the other children at birthday parties?

To confuse matters, DH is not of the same faith and does eat pork...

OP posts:

slambang · 06/01/2013 22:26

Well, why do you not eat pork? That's your answer.

Original poster

SahmOldSameOld · 06/01/2013 22:34

I tried saying we don't eat pork because mummy's a muslim but she said that she and her child would eat ham when she is older (!?) which left me a bit confused and feeling that I hadn't explained it at all well...

OP posts:

sophie1990 · 08/01/2013 12:33

My husband is Muslim and I converted after my son was born. If you want your dd to be Muslim also you should teach her the Qur'an, make it special mummy daughter time. Teach her god does not allow people to eat pork. My ds is nearly 2 but my husband tells him pigs are dirty animals. He's not even allowed to see them in books or cartoons. ( I think this is a bit extreme!) you could ask your husband to respect your religion too and not eat pork or at least not have it in the house. Does she have any Muslim friends?

lolarocks · 09/01/2013 00:46

If you don't know how to explain it to your child it just goes to show how ridiculous this rule is in the first place. Sorry but that's my opinion.

Greythorne · 09/01/2013 08:15

'Teach her God does not allow people to eat pork'

Greythorne · 09/01/2013 08:16

Dirty animals?

Hmmmmmmm.

Startail · 09/01/2013 08:24

Lorarocks, that isn't helpful

I think my Jewish friend would say it's both because the Torah also says not to eat pork (and lays down lots of other dietary rules), but also because it is the tradition of her community.

Keeping Kosher brings her religion into her everyday life. It reminds her of God at each meal not just when she goes to Synagogue.
It reminds her of her family and gives her a sense of who she is and the community she belongs to and is bringing her son up in.

Given her husband isn't Jewish and she is an hour or more away from a city with a Synagogue this isn't always easy.

Those of us brought up in loosely CofE house holds (my was actually strongly atheist) tend to put religion in a box called church on Sunday.

Food and daily prayers are how other faiths make it part of their whole lives.

CoteDAzur · 09/01/2013 08:28

Is your DD destined to be raised in your faith (rather than your DH's)?

How is it going to work that your DH eats port but your DD isn't allowed to?

It's not like you can say to her "God doesn't allow people to eat pork" in that case.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 09/01/2013 08:30

My ds understands that whilst pigs are cute and intelligent animals, due to the fact they have unclean habits and their meat goes off very quickly, that he is not allowed to eat them. I explain to him that Muslims and Jews don't eat pork because we are not allowed to for our own benefit, (we're Muslim) but that other people do and that's their choice. Tescos do a fabulous range of turkey rashers that fry up like bacon and taste amazing in a sandwich with brown sauce by the way.... I think you can tell I'm a convert lol.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 09/01/2013 08:32

Don't get me started on the types of bacteria especially worms that pigs can carry. This was more than enough to turn me off pork for life. I knew someone who left pork in her actual fridge uncovered, and she said 3 days later her and her housemate opened the door to find the pork absolutely crawling with maggots.

CoteDAzur · 09/01/2013 08:34

Also, if you don't practice Islam and don't have plans to educate your DD in the religion, what do you expect to achieve by banning a food item?

cutestgirls · 09/01/2013 08:35

i agree with cote. your DD may be good confused and rightly so if she sees her dad eating pork. if you do really want your DC to be raised muslim you MUST have some form of consistency in your home.

preferably, have your DH eat pork either only out of the house or not in front of your DD.

i don't eat pork myself either, but since both DH and I are in this together was rather simple to explain to DC.

CoteDAzur · 09/01/2013 08:36

And I say that as someone who doesn't eat much pork.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 09/01/2013 08:41

Cote and CutestGirl are spot on. If your dc sees her dad eating pork then nothing you do will stop her from eating it at some point as well as getting very confused about it. I wouldn't want to be in that situation myself, would cause a lot of problems.

Original poster

SahmOldSameOld · 10/01/2013 22:15

I respect DH's right to eat what he wants and I hope my right to abstain is respected too. DD accepts that DH has different sausages but we eat beef ones. I was just wondering how other families made up of different faiths explained things.

I can't really explain why I observe this tradition but I choose to. And I've never understood why some people make such a big deal over the fact that some people don't eat pork.

I don't feel that people who are vegetarian or don't eat beef are subject to the same grilling (pun intended.)

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 11/01/2013 06:55

We are not the ones making the "big deal" over pork here.

You are the one with an issue - you want your DD to not eat pork but you are unable to explain this to her, let alone convince her of the necessity.

And you are unlikely to, with your DH gulping them down in front of your DD.

mysweetie · 11/01/2013 13:31

Does your DD has a choice whether she will be a muslim or not? I think if you want your DD to be muslim too,. you DH will also be very helpful in order for you to follow your religions rule.

Original poster

SahmOldSameOld · 12/01/2013 22:35

Startail - lovely post, I'll remember that, thank you.

DH eats pork maybe once a month, and rarely whilst DD is at the same table, it's usually a snack. DD eats earlier, we eat later.

OP posts:

Perriwinkle · 20/01/2013 21:37

To be perfectly honest with you, there is no rational way to explain to a child why Muslims/Jews do not eat pork. It is simply a rule of the religion not to and that is that. I'm afraid that is all you can honestly tell them.

These rules were introduced thousands of years ago and none of the so-called "rational" justifications from abstaining from pork simply don't stand up to scrutiny ina modern world.

Pigs are not "dirty" and pork is no less healthy than other meats, dependent of course on the cut of meat chosen and the way it's prepared/frequency with which its consumed.

I think that the way you are approaching things with your DD is fraught with problems. You are expecting a 4 year old to take the following on board:

Mummy belongs to a religion called Islam. That means she is called a muslim.
Being a muslim means that you have to follow certain rules
Mummy does not follow all the rules that other muslims follow.
The only rule she follows is that she's not allowed to eat pork.
Pork is any meat that comes froma pig and this includes bacon, sausages and ham.
Daddy is not a muslim but he does belong to another religion.
Daddy's religion thinks its OK to eat pork.
Mummy and Daddy have decided that you are going to be like mummy and not eat pork either.

Be prepared to field the many questions that your average 4 year old would have in response to this lot. I think it's far too much to take on board and would be much easier if you were a muslim family but you're not.

So good luck with that.

I'd say that as you have decided to marry someone outside of your faith and to pick and choose the bits of your religion that you want t/feel happy with sticking to, why not afford your DD the same choice? I'd suggest keeping it simple for now by telling her that your religion doesn't allow you to eat pork and so you'd don;t feel able to feed her pork while you are responsible for looking after her and feeding her but it'll be her choice to do so when she gets older if she wants to/

Ninjaforever · 27/01/2013 04:26

Very confusing for your child. I would pray that Allah guides your husband to Islam and makes all your affairs easy for you sister.

AbbyCat · 27/01/2013 07:24

My DH entire family is vegetarian and has been all his life. He remembers his brother in particular questioning why they couldn't eat non veg at parties outside the home. I think his parents essentially said until you're 18 you follow our rules. After that you can do what you like. It's a very patriarchal stance to take, but one that brokers no argument! An alternative is to be more lax and say no pork at home for anyone? That way she could eat ham sandwiches at parties? Depends on whether she is being brought up Muslim or not I guess?!

Lonelybunny · 22/03/2013 13:09

My friends child is in a family where mummy is Muslim and daddy is Christian. You need to decide if she can/can't have it and your DH too if she can't I think you need to stop as a family including your DH . As The family I mentioned above have completely confused their daughter. Her father takes her out and gives her pork when her mother isn't around and I think the child is confused and feels like she is deceiving her mother.

Moominsarehippos · 22/03/2013 13:22

I would be wary of telling her that it is because pigs are dirty, pork is dirty... She will then happily tell her friends at school that they eat dirty food etc etc eat. I've come across some hypocritical idiots who have done this (ok to drink alcohol, and i do believe that pepperoni on that pizza is pork then?) and their children have been quite horrible to others about them eating pork products.

Sometimes it's enough just to say 'I was brought up not eating pork' (if you are from a Muslim country). Even 'I have no idea how to cook it because I have never eaten it'.

I'm veggie but don't feed DS as a veggie. He knows that mummy has chosen not to eat animals as she decided a long time ago (almost 30 years now) that she didn't like the idea of killing an animal to eat it. Not sure what he thinks about that but he doesn't question it and isn't remotely interested!

And it's not 'god believes...' It's 'we believe that'. In a multicultural society we need to remember that there are other gods worshipped and none. Is never too early to remind children this.

amirah85 · 22/03/2013 13:29

Tell mummy is muslim and her religion doesn't allow people to eat pork.and when she's older she can do what she likes,for now she will follow what mummy says(no pork).daddy has a different religion and is a adult so he can eat it if he likes.

thewhistler · 22/03/2013 13:44

I think startail's view is good.

I would also offer, having been brought up in levantine countries, that pigs are scavengers, running semi wild eating the refuse ( or they were in my childhood) and people don't want to eat such an animal. And pork ( and shellfish, also scavengers) go off fast. So the dietary laws make sense in the countries where they were created.

In terms of your own choices, I think you can say that you just wouldn't, and seeing her do so would upset your family. But you could also add that when she is grown up it will be her choice.

Then grab those turkey slices and pretend they are pork (expect flame "lying to your child"), just as one of my cousins had to tell his four year old that everything including sprouts was venison and I had to tell next doors 4 year old that roast lamb was burger.

If you make a mystery of it she will want it more.

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