"Of course he's my son!"

[Holymoly321]

Got the first comment today about my DS . I'm mixed race and DH is white. Our beautiful DS is very very pale - in fact he looks pretty much white. I was out shopping today when an assistant asked if he was mine. 'Of course he's mine' I said. "How does that work then?" was the reply. "His father's white" I said. "Oh, I see". This is the first time this has happened and I really hope it isn't an example of things to come. I want people to know my son is MY son.

especially at the "how does that work then?" comment!

i'd have said well... it all began one night when me and his father were feeling a bit horny... 9 months later after an agonising birth... there he was!

thanks starlover - lol! Will def use that the next time (if there ever is one - which I hope there won't be but fear there will!)

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I had similar when DS2 was about 3 weeks old - had ventured out to the local weighing clinic to get him weighed - and had DS1 with me too.

Someone asked me "who's children are you looking after" and then added "very young baby to be left with a childminder"

Any other time I probably wouldn't have given 2 hoots - but with DS2 still being so little, and me still recovering from the birth I neraly burst into tears.

I had a 'how does it work then' comment from a very charming, mixed race boy in year 10....to be fair we had been doing genetics and he wanted to understand how he was much darker than his sister.

i know aimsmum! i am not mixed race and only know one person who is! but i would never dream of asking something like that!

in fact, i don't even think it'd cross my mind...

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FWIW I have always thought that mixed race children were totally gorgeous. Much more exotic than bog-standard white Irish!

They always seem to take the best of each parent!

So I might ask but just beause I was very interested!

Is that bad??

TBH If I saw an obv "white" Mum with darker children I would just assume a mixed-race/coloured Dad. Just the same as if I saw an obv white Mum with obv white children I would assume a white Dad!

I could imagine that you might feel singled out but sometimes people are just interested (and jealous!!).

actually budababe when i was younger i thought i would only ever marry a black man because they were so much better looking than white men!

AND i was desperate for a little girl with funky hair that I could do tons of stuff with!

I am sorry; this happened to my Indian mother a lot, as my sister and I are both white.

Same here motherinferior. I had this when I was young and out shopping with my mother "are you two together?" or I was just ignored completely (my mother is white, I am v light brown).

Now the same is happening with my own children.

Them; blue eyes, v fair skin, fair hair

Me: brown eyes, light brown skin, v dark brown hair (with grey bits!)

Are these your children? Where is there Dad from? Where's their mother?

After 40+ plus years of this I've become hardened to it, I'm afraid. Sorry, this isn't much help I know. Will come back to you

It happens to my cousin all the time. She's mixed race, but quite dark (looks more like a light-skinned black person than a mixed-race person). Her dh is German, Nordic type, and her children are blond and blue-eyed. People invariably assume she's the nanny. She's in Germany, so probably gets it even worse than she would in England, as comments that in England would be considered overtly racist are perfectly acceptable and commonplace there.

Her children are unutterably gorgeous, though.

My brother (we're all adopted) is Vietnamese/black. He's quite dark with curly hair, looks black really, but he's short, with small hands and feet. He married a white woman and their two sons are quite light skinned, even though they both have black hair (the older one looks Asian, the younger one just looks Mediterranean if that makes any sense, not that dark skin but black hair and dark eyes.) Only my rude aunt ever made a comment "they're so light" or something similar. I would hope nobody in public would ever make remarks like that.

how unpleasant for you

I am white and dh is Chinese, ds1 looks like his dad ds2 looks like me, I have never had any comments but dh with ds2 has had "the look" more than a few times.

Smilling - oh dear - tact, sensitivity and intelligence didn't feature v highly in his/her genetic mix, did it?

IME I am afraid that very occasionally it is likely to happen. People say the most extraordinary things. Last time I took DS ta have his hair cut the hairdresser looked at DS, looked at me, did a double take and sid 'is he your son?' I said yes, and he said 'but he looks like an Asian boy'. (i.e like his Dad!) I just smiled and nodded.

I have also had people berate me for allowing such a young child to get a suntan, and had 'he's very dark, isn't he?' to which I replied 'no, actually he's very light skinned, considering'.

Goodnes knows what it is llike for kids / parents in traans-racial adoption.

I know it's different - there should't be any surprise about a white Mum having a darker child - but if people can be daft about that, I think you must brace yourself for the occasional person who blurts before they think. Have some smart answers at the ready - they needn't be rude - depending on your mood and how 'educational' you feel like being in any given moment, and don't worry - your son will shine out as the son that only you could have raised.

It has happened and continues to happen to me... I just ignore them all. After all... I know that I gave birth to them... it's enough!

at all of these. I always assume a woman with a baby is the mother (last time I assumed this she turned out to be grandma. Ooops)

If its any consolation Smiling, I can't imagine many people are ignorant enough to come out with "how does that work then".

Not the same thing I know but I had one comment when I was pregnant "What will you do if he's ginger?" Hmmm. Yes, well, his dad is, it is a possibility you twt (twit, obviously) so I don't know - what do you suggest? Quick trip to the vets to put him out of any future misery or Grecian 2000 for men?? TWT.

Perhaps I could send you a photo of my expression when said person made this remark you could practice it for if theres another display of sheer ignorance

Serah - when my sis was giving birth to her DS the midwife said "I can see the head - looks like a red head" and my BIL and SIS both said "well put it back then - we don't want a red-head!!!

Nephew is a red-head and gorgeous!! They did let him out eventually!

Thanks to all for your support. I suppose I knew this might happen, but have been so loved up with DS that I didn't really think about it. Now though, it makes me think that everyone I've met, or people who have walked past me are all thinking the same thing, that I must be his nanny or something! Sounds like it's something I'll just have to get used to, but it is damn hippocritical that a white mother with balck children is not given much of a second glance these days, but a black mother with a white looking child is seen as something of a freak ! Sorry - feeling now I've had the night to sleep on it, this issue has really p*d me off!!!

you'll get over it smiling. I used to think that about everyone as well... but now... who gives a...............

smiling - it'll happen a lot! I have 4 children, dx is darker than me, and ds1 is blonde and blue eyed. Several people have eyed him with open doubts about whether he is actually dx's son or not. Ignoramuses!

or should that be ignorami?

Yes i'm afraid it won't be the last time. i've been asked if i'm 'the Nanny'.... and asked 'why is is hair blonde?'
Also works the other way...I've been 'told off' for not watching a child who was misbehaving at a party...(the silly silly man just assumed he was mine because the child was the only one with obviously brown skin ). When i pointed out his error and pointed to my son...he said ' well i never!'
ignorant twats

I have twin sons with DH who is white and one is fair with blue eyes and the other is dark with brown eyes. Last year when I was out shopping, this man was admiring them in the pram and said that the fair one was really good looking but I was really ugly. Normally I give as good as I get but I was so shocked that I just moved away quickly. There are some really vile people out there.

. WTF!!!!! It will never cease to amaze me - the ignorance of some people!