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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

"Of course he's my son!"

100 replies

Holymoly321 · 23/11/2005 20:47

Got the first comment today about my DS . I'm mixed race and DH is white. Our beautiful DS is very very pale - in fact he looks pretty much white. I was out shopping today when an assistant asked if he was mine. 'Of course he's mine' I said. "How does that work then?" was the reply. "His father's white" I said. "Oh, I see". This is the first time this has happened and I really hope it isn't an example of things to come. I want people to know my son is MY son.

OP posts:

BitTiredNow · 21/12/2007 20:48

my neighbour is white, and her dh is black, and they have v dark skinned girls. when her dh was in afghanistan (he's Army)lots of new people kept asking here where she had adopted. She is French and diffused the situation with a lot more grace than I have by referring to them as the chocolate frogs.....

Vulgar · 21/12/2007 21:58

My Dh is mixed race -black. I am green eyed but I tan well. Our Ds is so pale he is blue white. We joke to each other that he is transluscent! When he was born we expected him to get darker.

We're used to the comments but the one that really gets me is if I have to fill in a form describing his race.

To me, he is definately mixed race, even though only a quarter. I feel strongly that I don't want his mixed parentage to be hidden despite his pale skin. He has quite black features despite the pale skin and hair: button nose and lovely long legs and small high butt. He's gorgeous!

SueW · 21/12/2007 22:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

cba · 21/12/2007 22:48

oh i get this with ds2. both dh and i have dark hair and olive skin. ds1 and dd are the same, but, ds2 has blond hair. People say in front of him "where does he come from then?" Really pisses me off, i just say, same place as the other two gorgeous isnt he!!

ds2 is actually the double of me just he has blond hair instead of dark hair.

Original poster

Holymoly321 · 31/12/2007 11:11

HEllo all, am surprised (or maybe, unfortunately I'm not) that this thread is still going strong two years after I started it! Well, thank you all for your comments and support. We've just had DS2 and he is just as fabulously gorgeous as his older brother. His skin tone is slightly darker and he has darker hair and looks more like me, which is nice! Still, now I fully expect to get comments about how different the boys are etc. DS1 is still very light, in fact his hair is getting blonder all the time and he has very pale skin. I just hope that society treats them both the same as they are both as amazing and wonderful as each other.

OP posts:

ELM14 · 12/01/2008 12:27

I get that all the time- its more the looks I get.

I have 3 kids. When I am out about with them and the kids call me 'mum' people's ears prick up and stare. They look at me then the kids and you can see their confusion written on their faces.

LazyWoman · 24/01/2008 15:23

My dh is "Indian Asian" and I'm "white european". My oldest daughter has some of my features but with olive skin, brown eyes and very dark hair - I'm blond, fair-skinned and grey-eyed. My middle daughter has the same colouring as her sister but looks nothing like me at all which I think is great! My son has much fairer skin, medium-brown hair and brown eyes so has colouring more like mine but with features more like his dad! You can still tell, though that they are brother and sisters - strange how it works out eh?

LittleMissBliss · 26/03/2008 16:16

I get confused looks and double takes when shopping sometimes because ds is very pale (i'm mixed raced and my dp is white).

He doesn't really looked mixed race as he has straight hair (althogh dark like mine) and olive skin, where as i have very curly afro hair and brown skin. Lots of people have said ''Oh isn't he pale, weren't you expecting him to be darker?''(which i probably was to be fair)
I am almost sure i will come accross more comments/looks as he gets older. But i know he's my son and we both have the same big brown eyes and button nose but looks very much like his father which i'm very happy about as he's gorgeous . And as long as he know's i'm his mum that's all that matters!

WarmFuzzy · 26/03/2008 22:25

I've been watching and enjoying this thread for a while now.

I'm mixed race (African/European) DH is white and DS2 is blond with blue eyes. DS1 is darker and looks very United Colours of... (sounds a bit like your DS, LittleMissBliss but with quite fair hair). I think both are totally stunning.

I really wonder what people think sometimes - I see surprise when DS2 calls me 'Mummy' and I imagine most assume I'm his childminder - I think I would. The only people who comment tend to be mixed race themselves or the parents of mixed race kids and therefore not afraid of inadvertently causing offence. And I'm more likely to get surprised comments about DS1 than DS2.

MadameCh0let · 26/03/2008 22:35

Worst comment from a total stranger when my 2 kids were in a double buggy "Do they have the same Dad?". Yes they do. Now please fcuk ffo.

eaudevie · 31/03/2008 23:36

TBH, I think it can be a bit disconcerting when you have a child that looks so different to you. Not in a bad way, and not that you love them any the less, but I was surprised.

I'm black (not mixed race) and my DH is white, (French/Mediterranean) and my son has turned out blue eyed with straight textured hair in blond curls, and very pale olive skin. He looks entirely white. Everyone assumes I'm his nanny - I don't think I can remember anyone thinking that I'm his mother and he's 2 now.

It just struck me because the other day for the first time I saw a black woman with her daughter who was similarly pale skinned with light eyes and I did a double take, myself. It made me see what others see when they look at us, and it does confound expectations.

tostaky · 09/06/2008 21:40

eaudevie - I'm expecting my 1st and i'm white (blonde/blue eyes) and bf is arabic (brown skin/dark eyes/dark curly hair) and i keep wondering about the same.. how is it going to feel if the baby doesnt look like me (at least a bit)..

For some reasons i was convinced that the "darker" gene would take over the "lighter" one, but obviously this is not always the case..
id LOVE to have a baby with my eyes and hair color and his skin and curly hair!! Designer baby!! lol

timewaster · 18/06/2008 12:22

Tostaky, I spent time thinking about this before ds was born, but now he is here it hardly ever crosses my mind that he doesn't look anything like me, he is just my gorgeous baby! I get a shock sometimes if I am holding him and catch sight of us together in a mirror though.... but really, you will not care.

timewaster · 18/06/2008 12:24

sorry, didn't explain, I am white (almost blue skinned Irish) and dh is arabic.

ruddynorah · 18/06/2008 12:39

same here. dd very blonde with green eyes, me olive skinned with dark brown hair and eyes. only one person has ever openly commented, saying are you her nanny? i'm sure lots of people assume i am. dh though is blonde, so hardly a big shocker.

solo · 18/06/2008 12:46

My Dd is very fair and her dad gets 'looks' of he can't be related etc. The worst was when he took her to supermarket on his own(she was about 6 months)and a black cashier asked him if he was a black manhe said yes and asked why? she said the mother must have strong genes then(I'm a lot fairer than him). He then starts wondering if she really is his daughter(even though you can actually see a resemblence). I wasn't upset that he questioned if she was his, I was upset that he thought even for a second, that I'd go elsewhere!!!!!!

kittywise · 18/06/2008 12:49

I am white and dp mixed race bangladeshi. We have 6 children, three with blue eyes, three with brown, some blond, some dark haired, one with very asian colouring and features, one strawberry blond.

I must say that I have never had any comments of this ilk, thank heavens, but dp was asked once if they were all his!

Perhaps the type of stupid comments really to depend on where you live and how used to colour people are.

Whatever they think though they should keep their mouths shut.

solo · 18/06/2008 12:52

kitty, your babies are gorgeous!

kittywise · 18/06/2008 12:56

Bless you

Would you like to buy them? They are quite good at house work one and the eldest 2 make a wicked cup of tea?

cadelaide · 18/06/2008 13:03

DP and I are both white with dark hair, eldest 2 DCs have dark hair.

Dc3 has white blond hair. I am asked all the time "where does the blond come from then?", often delivered with a smirk.

Well I don't bloody know. I love it though and cannot bring myself to get it cut.

cadelaide · 18/06/2008 13:05

23 nov 05?

How did this one start up again then?

pavlovthecat · 18/06/2008 13:05

Have not read all the posts, but FGS, some people are so ignorant are they not

I would have just said 'what's it got to do with you?' but perhaps with some more inappropriate words in!

solo · 18/06/2008 13:18

No, no! Thanks all the same kitty. My nearly 10yo is ok with the tea making!

solo · 18/06/2008 13:21

Dd also has blue eyes! We all have brown eyes. Dp's mum has grey eyes and my mum has green eyes. I spent an age researching how Dd could've possibly got blue ones! with both parents having brown and both being mixed races. Very strange

EachPeachPearMum · 18/06/2008 14:48

Dh is of mixed heritage, and could pass for any Mediterranean nationality (Italian, Spanish, Greek, Egyptian, French etc) -olive skin, dark curly hair.

I am English rose colouring, and DD is the spitting image of me- its uncanny.

He frequently gets suspicious looks thrown his way- what is he doing with that beautiful little white girl? etc especially as he works from home so does all the nursery drop-off/pick-ups, local shopping etc.
It doesn't help that he frequently looks extemely scruffy bohemian!

Thankfully, she usually chats to him at the top of her voice, interspersing regularly with 'Papa!' and we live in quite a diverse/mixed ethnicity area.

You do have to develop a thick skin though. Some people are so ignorant/ bigotted- I often feel we should reply- erm yes- she's white because her Mama's white- which parent do you get your ugliness/stupidity/narrow-mindedness from?

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