German Manners? Or Just Rude?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Looking for input from any German or German-resident mumsnetters.

A friend of mine is German. It was her son's birthday recently, so she asked me to make a hat for him. I was flattered that she liked my knitting so much, but also a bit flummoxed, I don't enjoy knitting in a hurry. Was this normal German directness? Or just being rude?

She also claims that Germans don't ask their kids to say "please" and "thank you", as saying it without meaning it is bad. Or something. Is that true? I've only visited Germany briefly, but I remember a lot of "danke" and "bitte" happening. Surely everyone didn't always mean it?

I find Germans both direct and polite, which takes a little getting used to similarly to New Yorkers managing to be both loud and polite (me being raised to believe that being loud is de facto rude...)

The thing with many Germans is simply that idea of everything being community business, so people feel obliged to mention your kid should wear a hat or tell your child to stop dropping bits of rice cake on the train. But you can tell it's not intended nastily 99% of the time as, as soon as you reply and make clear your are an involved parent, they will happily shrug or tell you "Kinder sind Kinder" and become hugely friendly. And having 3 children in Bavaria last summer, having the entire local population assisting to ensure they behaved felt like quite a good thing, aside from starting 100s of conversations. Equally, knowing his neighbour rented out a flat meant a chap stopped me when walking to the supermarket on our first morning and insisted on giving me a lift, being a guest of Frau X, advised me what to buy and not buy from each of the town supermarkets, and it took some insistence to get him not to help me round the store! On leaving, downstairs neighbour magically appeared to carry all our cases downstairs, being related to the taxi driver.
Could get a bit oppressive living with it all the time, but as a visitor Germany is great.