German Manners? Or Just Rude?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Looking for input from any German or German-resident mumsnetters.

A friend of mine is German. It was her son's birthday recently, so she asked me to make a hat for him. I was flattered that she liked my knitting so much, but also a bit flummoxed, I don't enjoy knitting in a hurry. Was this normal German directness? Or just being rude?

She also claims that Germans don't ask their kids to say "please" and "thank you", as saying it without meaning it is bad. Or something. Is that true? I've only visited Germany briefly, but I remember a lot of "danke" and "bitte" happening. Surely everyone didn't always mean it?

My Dh is Danish and has tremendous problems with the please (no Danish word for it at all). He recently got told off by a barmaid for ordering a beer - Carlsberg obviously - without saying 'please' at the end. I have to admit I find Danish women in particular very abrupt in their speech and possibly have a worse relationship with my MIL because of our communication problems. When she said 'you need to lose weight' may be she was trying to be Nice....

I'd just like to toss into the equation here that I work what must therefore be the world's politest German and the world's rudest, nastiest Canadian then
NQC, I'm sorry, I cannot help laughing at you being browbeaten into knitting a hat for an ungrateful five year old You pussycat you.

bran, I think my friend is from somewhere near Berlin. I think she may naturally be somewhat ... direct, anyway. I would have been happier with something closer to a suggestion or request, than an order ... (I'm not a pushover! I have no problems asserting myself, really. Damn, I must be going a bit native ...)

I don't really like to interact with shop people that much - I feel I'm wasting their time. In Canada, some shops have people at the door to say "hello" (Asda does that here, and maybe some Gap stores?) but I think they're just there to keep down the shoplifting. I find the Southern US "Y'all come back now, y'hear" really grating.

I do find British people more into casual chit-chat than Canadians, but less likely to, for example, invite you into their home.

LadyMarina...rofl!!

I'd be delighted if someone asked me to knit a hat for their child. What a vote of confidence in your knitting abilities!

Yes, I think she's just German. I used to nearly have apoplectic fits going shopping, until I decided to be as rude and aggressive as the shopkeepers. Slamming down money on the counters without a bitte or a danke, I was given an approving nod and big smile!

I was thinking about that too ks. Remember a couple of years ago some Italian writer said that the British were a bunch of liars. Of course the press were up in arms about it. What he actually meant was if you ask a Brit "How are you?" you get a very stoical "Fine thanks" in reply. The same question put to an Italian would illicit a long and truthful catalogue of complaints about everything that was wrong at that particular moment.

Oh I forgot!!

Go and live in Russia if you want to know what unbelievably f**Ing rude is!!
Had lessons for 6 months before I went and in my last one my teacher (tired dyed blonde in her 50's with loads of smudged eye make up,gloomy study and beflowered befringed shawl across her shoulders) gripped my arm and with tears in her eyes,said (in heavy Russian accent natch,rather like Miss Lily on Angelina Ballerina)

'Moondog,my daaahling,I am so worried for you in Raaahssia!! They are soooooo rude!!'

She was spot on!

'

PMSL at this thread, love it!!!!

I so love going back to France to see people arguing with waiters in cafes, but also because people are much friendlier in shops I think

The knitting request wasn't out of the blue - she knows I knit (she taught me to knit European, actually!), she'd seen a hat I'd been working on for someone else. And I was flattered by her appreciation of my knitting skills etc.

I just find the requesting of specific gifts is a bit of a difficult thing. There are lots of birthdays, and when you ask English people "what does your child like", they generally give you no information, presumably because they don't like to be asking for gifts. (I say, DS1 likes anything with Batman, Star Wars, Power Rangers, etc. As at least that gives people lots and lots of choice.) I hadn't asked what to get her son - she phoned me specifically to ask me to knit a hat.

I can see her point, a hat is a lot more useful than a lot more toys. All our kids have too many toys. I probably would have preferred a) more notice and b) a more roundabout English way of asking. I probably have been living here too long.

moondog you are so right about the Russians
I mix with rather too many who have reverted to the days of the Empire, with all Britons cast in the role of serfs

Hasten to add that they are lovely once you get to know them,just that service in shops and restaurants leaves a little to be desired...
Dh and I joke that by going from Russia to Turkey we have experienced the two ends of the service spectrum. Got five pairs of curtains and inner muslin liner things made up for less than £50 and in less than 234 hours in Turkey,and a rather attractive young man with a great bum came to hang them for me!

Errr...24 hours obviously..

I have to stand up for Scandinavians on this thread. We do say 'thank you', we do say 'thanks' to the people in shops (if you don't then you would probably be considered rude by fellow Scandinavians!). It is true that we do not have the word "please" or that they are very rarely used, but we have other ways of expressing gratitude etc. I think these things are the often the last to be picked up by foreigners learning another language.

It's impossible to generalise. There are rude Brits too. Loads of them.

I am LOVING this thread. I travel on the Munich U-bahn every day, and Im always the last one out of the carriage, right at the back of the queue etc and I was starting to feel pretty inferior, and even have doubts about my ability to succeed in life generally, cos I always seem to be last in everything here!
Now I realise it is simply that my elbows aren't sharp enough.

You have to be ready for German supermarket staff rudeness. When they say the shop is closing, they mean they expect you to make your way pretty swiftly to the door, and they will be very unpleasant if you linger over packing your shopping. They also have an irritating habit of asking to look in your bag, and I always refuse on principle, and tell them its my bag, not theirs and theyre not getting a look in it.

dx always used to complain about english politeness, which he regarded as hypocrisy. also hate the word "sorry" and claimed that brits are well known abroad for treading on people's feet and then saying sorry.

German people have 2 sides. I havent yet figured out whether they are 2 faced, or whether there co-exist side by side 2 Germanic races, one totally gorgeous, kind and friendly and the other a heartless stickler for The Rules.

people from Baden-Wurtemburg are the funniest, ime. my family is from there originally (emigrated to the UK).

A friend of mine was pursued for about half a mile down a suburban main road in Koln by an old lady because she was spotted crossing when the lights were against her. She took the precaution of barely learning any German while living there, which I thought sad at the time, but she understood the gist of the old besom was saying all right

I'll be laughing to myself all day now at "Knit hat!"