We earn nearly 5K a month but we’re always skint

[MoonlitMabel]

Me and my partner have been together 6 years and we have 6 kids between us. We both work and on paper we should be doing ok but honestly we seem to have no money left most months and I dont understand where its all going.

I earn about £1450 a month after tax and he usually brings home around £3200 but it depends on overtime. We get child benefit as well and I get a bit of maintenance for my older two but its not a massive amount. So I know we arent on a low income exactly, which is why its frustrating that we are always counting down to payday.

I have DS11 and DD8 from my previous relationship, he has two girls aged 13 and 10 from his previous relationship and we have a DS who is 2 and a DD who is 8 months. The older two live with me full time. His girls have only recently come to live with us full time because their mum moved away and they wanted to stay with their dad. Their mum isnt paying maintenance at the moment. I dont blame the girls for any of this and they are lovely, its just obviously a lot more expensive having two extra children here all the time.

We rent a 3 bed house and its quite full now but moving isnt an option at the moment. Rent is £850, council tax is about £180, then all the usual bills, phones, petrol, car insurance etc. He pays the rent and most of the bigger bills from his account and I tend to pay for the food shop, things the kids need and bits for the house. It sort of ended up that way rather than us sitting down and deciding it was fair.

The thing is he keeps saying I need to cut down on the food shop. Last night I spent £235 and he was genuinely shocked when he saw it, asking how on earth I had spent that much and saying I need to look at my spending. I know £235 sounds a lot but its for 8 people and I got nappies, washing stuff, toilet roll, packed lunch things, milk, fruit, meat etc. I wasnt buying loads of treats or anything particularly expensive. We were running low on quite a few things so it wasnt even just food.

I did get annoyed because he has been ordering more Airfix stuff recently. He builds the models and paints them and its his hobby, which I do understand, everyone needs something they enjoy. But he will order a kit for £35 then paints another time and tools and bits for another £20 or £30 and he doesnt seem to see it as much because its not all in one go. He says its his hobby and he doesnt go out drinking or spend money on nights out. Fair enough but I dont have money to just buy things for myself whenever I want. If I need clothes or something I usually leave it until the next month.

He says thats different because the food shop is something I can control and I need to plan better. He reckons I buy too much and we dont need half the things I get. I said if he wants to do the food shop and feed all of us for less then he can have a go because its easy to criticise when you arent the one trying to make meals out of whats left in the fridge. That probably didnt help the conversation.

He then said since his girls moved in everything costs more and I seem to have a problem with it. I honestly dont. They are his children and of course they should be able to live with their dad if thats what they want. But we didnt really sit down and work out how much more it would cost or change how we pay for things. We just carried on as before and now we are struggling even more.

He has debt repayments as well, credit cards and a loan from before, which come to around £500 a month. He says those are fixed payments and have to be paid so theres not much he can do about them. I agree they need paying but it means a lot of his wages are already spoken for before we have even bought food or put petrol in the car. His overtime isnt guaranteed either so some months he gets less than £3200.

I dont know if we are just spending too much or if this is what it costs to run a house with this many kids now. We dont have expensive holidays or go out much. The kids have clubs and school things to pay for, they grow out of clothes and shoes, the little ones need nappies and all that. Then theres always something else, a birthday or a school trip or something needs replacing.

We dont have a joint account and neither of us has a proper idea of what the other has left after bills. He thinks he pays most of the money out because the rent and bills come out of his account, and I feel like Im constantly spending mine on everyone and everything and never have anything left. We have never actually added everything up together which I know sounds stupid.

I dont want this to turn into me saying he shouldnt buy his hobby stuff or that his girls cost too much, because thats not what I mean. I just dont see how we can both be working and bringing that much in and still be skint all the time. Is £235 actually ridiculous for a weekly shop for this many people or do I need to look properly at what Im spending? And how do other people split everything when there are children from previous relationships as well?

You must have a large house or something. Im mum to one DC too.

I think for about six children it will be over £400 a month.
So not something to ignore as if it doesn’t exist. The OP has not put down how much maintenance she gets.
Everything helps. So how they manage this money ( however much there is ) will matter.

Low income, high outgoings & 6 kids. I'm not surprised you're skint. Are you entitled to UC?

@peppy23 , how is your post going to solve OP's problem?

I get it. We have 5 kids, take in just over 5k between us and CB and still spend it all as all savings seem to keep going on broken cars.

i have managed to make savings though, by:

1. meal planning and ordering in all the basics for the month at the beginning of the month. I shop at 3 different supermarkets (Aldi, Asda and Sainsbury’s) and check the best prices across the 3 for things (including offers).

2. we pretty much never buy branded foods unless on a deal/for a special birthday meal

3. we are vegetarian and I deliberately cook cheaper meals (pasta, soup etc.) most of the time.

4. I switched my car to a hybrid to make big fuel savings, it’s an old car still so not costing us much on finance and we save a lot more in road tax and petrol than it costs us in finance anyway.

5. I have a detailed spreadsheet of all costs from the joint account. Me and DP have equal amounts left after paying into it and any of our own treats (like airfixes your DP buys) come out of that.

6. I am quite strict with bargain hunting even for kids clothes and shoes. E.g. my son needed new trainers and he likes sketchers but I would never pay full price so he’s had a £15 pair from sportsdirect online.

7. look carefully at the cost of subscriptions and clubs/activities for your kids. The kids clubs and tutoring take up hundreds for us even before we factor in the kit and petrol costs.

8. if you’re paying childcare for the youngest that is obviously a big cost and will get better but it is worth looking carefully at that and if there are any options for reducing it in future by moving settings. Our youngest is in a school nursery which takes from age 2+ and it’s loads cheaper than private all year nurseries.

£400 per month divided by 6 kids divided by 4 weeks is less than £20 per child per week as I said. Which will barely if at all cover the food they eat, as I said.

So it’s the cost of having so many children which is the issue because child benefit is nowhere near enough. As I said.

This was in response to your “There will be child benefit to add to the household budget because of the children.” when someone pointed out that 6 children is the issue here - so what? It’s nowhere near enough to cover costs. It doesn’t change the fact that they can’t afford life because there are so many children.

They don’t have no mortgage in the sense they’ve paid it off - they pay rent

They're not actually strange or unusual, contract hire is how many people run a car these days. Admittedly many for higher end models than they possibly need but strange and unusual, no, its not.

I'm not surprised that you are skint since you are indirectly paying his costs to service his debt. He is spending his money on Airfix kits instead of paying off his debt and his excuse is "I could be going out getting drunk instead"? Well he shouldn't be wasting his money on anything he can't afford. And he expects you to cut food bill instead and accuses you of not liking his children? That's a distraction. It's him hitting back because he wants to do whatever he likes. His household costs haven't increase when his children moved in. Yours have, because you pay for all the food and groceries, he doesn't.

Do not have a joint account with this man. He will spend it on shite of his own and then blame you when the account is empty before the end of the month.

Not for 8 it isn't, and it isn't just food, its packed lunches, toiletries, laundry, baby products, cleaning.

The reason I am going on about the 6 children is there doesn’t seem to be any sense of personal responsibility here and what happens if they have another child?

The OP is harping on about her partner complaining about the food spend. She is just working part time. Do people not think about the biggest decision in their life before they have children. Then a relationship breaks up and they do the same thing all over again and then come onto a forum complaining with no thought as to how they have got themselves into this position.

The price of food has gone up massively over the last few years - maybe he just doesn't realise if he never does the shopping...

Which is great but you aren't in a similar situation..? You have no mortgage therefore no housing cost. OP has rent of £850. And do you have as many children?

Spending £235 in a weekly supermarket shop is not at all surprising if you have 6 kids! I've found the supermarket bills have just gone up and up so much - maybe your DP doesn't realise how expensive everything's got? A "small" shop used to cost me £50ish, now I find it's more like £90ish. A big weekly shop is more like £150 now, and I don't have 6 DC!

You need a spreadsheet or a list of all your monthly outgoings - go back 2 or 3 months and just look at where the money's going. So - Rent/Council tax/utilities in one column, then food & petrol, then you and DH's entertainment/hobbies, then maybe kids school/clubs spending. Look through your both of your bank statements and assign every payment to one of those columns.

You can also download budgeting spreadsheets if that's easier. But a big part of this is your DH's debt - how long does he have to pay this for?

Not that simple is it.

🙄

OP go to MSE forum for better advice and info. Save getting earache from a bunch of frothy MNers.

The so what is that she might want to add that and the child maintenance to the overall income. Regardless of how much it is. Or is not.

I did think that myself, but I asked in case she was unable to work due to a disability or something. She really should be contributing something though!

Also, check if you are actually eligible for universal credit. If you have childcare costs you might be even if you think your not and you would probably also be eligible for rent on a bigger property.

Isn’t it?

We have four children already. One of us is paying £500 per month on credit card debt. We have a 3 bed house.

Can we afford another two babies? Probably not, better sort the vasectomy/contraception.

As I keep pointing out, the issue is still that they have 6 kids, child benefit or not.

Are the loans in his name only ? Or shared with his ex ?
Make sure he does not take any more loans out at all. Even with Christmas coming up.
I assume he is the primary parent for benefit purposes ? Do check. Make sure he is up to speed with all that.

Bloody hell - 6 kids ! Of course you are broke

Wasn't asking OP, was asking the PP why her budget is tight without mortgage.

2 adults, 9 kids and 4 pets in 3 bed house…that’s grim.