Separation from high earner - how to live off this amount per month?

[Pinkpanther23]

Husband leaving and have 7 month and 7 year old - there’s been DV and finances are terrible.

Rent is £950 which for the house is amazing value, there’s nothing else locally that would keep eldest in same school that comes close. Think £100 less for a 2 bed apartment.

Ex has agreed to give £1k per month as is a high earner, this seems reasonable but I am worried about depending on this but he is a covert narc and cares a lot about his image and wouldn’t want me telling the village I’m destitute.

But it feels like I will be. Despite this higher cms with UC it’s only £2400 at the end. Im doing minimum wage remote work currently for like £200 a month and that may stop soon.

Have limited childcare here too and increasing my hours would mean a nursery and they’re literally all booked up until Jan. Contacted all local childminders too.

I’ve read on a forum that someone managed just fine on £2400 with 2 kids and fairly high rent but I can’t seem to run the numbers and cut any more.

I need to run a car due to location, and have accounted for £100 a month for MOT and repairs etc, also oil costs have sky rocketed so have factored in £130 a month for that

do I try to get more work somehow?

I feel so low

Those who are jealous of the UC amount go ahead and quit your jobs. Take action.

If you have been a victim of domestic abuse you may be entitled to legal aid which will help find a solicitor.

It doesn’t though. I’m single and no DC, when I lost my job (twice through redundancy) I got the basic UC which is what, £400pm? That’s it
working I take home £1800 so I’m obviously better off working

Did you miss the part where the OP talks about her history and having a seven month old baby?
Do you also think her seven year old is unscathed from living in this environment too?
Would you exchange places with the OP?

Her baby is only 7 months old!

Hmmm I’ve just seperated from my partner who also earns 4k a month. I have 3 kids. I’m not getting much more than you a month once I get child benefit and I work full time as a teacher. I’m also not getting any child maintenance as he says he can’t afford the house and bills. You’re getting 1k out of his 4k so leaving him with 3k so it isn’t that different from eachother.

😅😅

Did you miss the domestic abuse bit? You sound horrible.

You are a pretty disgusting person aren’t you?
Her baby is 7 months old, she’s just split up, there’s been DV and it is a system that is in place for this very thing.
She’s expecting her ex to pay maintenance for the children, again, she is perfectly entitled to that.

I can’t believe anyone who is leaving due to DV is being spoken to like this

Also 4K a month net is a high earner. After student loans and pension contributions that’s around 80k which is categorically a high earner

That’s why he’s giving her £1k a month . Leaving him with £3k.
it brings her combined income from all sources to just under £3k as illustrated in previous posts ( UC, CB, salary and maintenance).
so they both have the same to live on.

she has the added responsibility of looking after the children . He has the responsibility of full time work.

I don’t see how anything here is unfair or are you suggesting she should ask for more maintenance?

What is wrong with some posters - kicking a woman when she's down and trying to have a safe live for her and her children?

OP, I know you say you can't afford a lawyer but you do need legal advice. Have you talked to citizen's advice or Women's aid to see if they can support at all? Have you and friends or family who might be able to offer support?

Fair play for having the courage to find a way out.

A high earner is usually used to describe someone who earns 100K+ and presumably that is what posters mean.
But 4K is not a low salary and people are being dicks suggesting it is.

"the housing element here is only £500"

Are you entirely sure about that?

That sounds more like UC housing element for a single person without children.

With two children under ten then you would be entitled to a two bed property.

I live in really quite a low cost of living area and the one bed rate here is £575 per month (£132.33 per week) for people over the age of 35.

The allowance for two bed properties is £700 per month (£161.10 per week).

The question was ‘how to live off ‘this’ amount a month’. The answer from many is go to work like the rest of us have to except for some reason being on benefits gives you lots of free passes to not work or work minimally.

The OP has done well to escape her horribly abysive DH and all credit to her, of course I have empathy. However surely the first question for anyone should be - what can I do NOT oh dear what am I going to do this is all I can get.

It’s ridiculous in MN that if anyone makes any comment about the amount of benefits they are ‘benefit bashing’. No, mostly people are astounded why you can get tax free with no requirements to do much.

You might be entitled to legal aid. Many lawyers do a free half hour appointment and could advise on chances of legal aid too.

@Pinkpanther23i do apologise for my comments...my children are older and no DV in my situation, altho plenty of EA, so i am in a stronger position i know.
I was just in the process of despairing over finances when I read your post.
Being the sole provider for your children is hard no matter whether that's holding down a job or worrying about benefits (which btw i am fully supportive of and not "bashing" at all).
You will be fine on the amounts you mention and hopefully happier and stronger the longer you are away. Wishing you all the best

Parenting children isn’t "bugger all"

It's typical Mumsnet. If someone says they aren't a high earner and takes home £4k they get told how out of touch they are and how wrong they are etc. Someone uses the same figures and says they ARE a high earner and gets told the opposite.

Either way, OP is used to coping on a third or so.kore than she will now be getting and that adjustment is HARD.

I’ve never seen anyone on here be called a high earner at 4k. I’ve seen people say it’s way more than me, I’m broke kind of thing, but not wow 4k is a high earner, in fact any thread on pay is fairly similar in its comments in this regard.

@PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR don’t be that person , just because you can’t leave on £1000 a month don’t mean other people can’t and don’t .. we’re in a cost of living crisis.. ready the room

Live not leave

[EDIT]

Sorry, I meant to reply to the person you replied to. Please ignore me.

[/EDIT]

That is £4k a month take home.

The median income for a full-time worker (so that excludes everyone who works part-time, like the OP) as of April 2025 was £39,863 [Source ONS Employee earnings in the UK: 2025].

Assuming that they have a typical auto-enrollment pension then that person on median pay would be taking home £2,595 per month - and only £2,517 per month if they were a graduate on Plan 2.

A graduate on Plan 2 and who is also paying in to a typical workplace pension and who is taking home £4k per month will be earning £73,100 per year - almost double the median salary for a full time worker - ok, that's an exaggeration, it is 83% more.

.

"...wow 4k is a high earner"

This is the ONS definition of a low and high earner:

"Low pay is defined as the value that is two-thirds of median earnings and high pay is defined as the value that is 1.5 times median earnings."

So, a low paid full-time worker is a full-time worker earning less than £26,575 per year (basically, anyone on minimum wage) and a high earner is a full-time worker earning more than £59,795 per year (take home pay of £3,454 for a graduate or £3,682 for a non-graduate).

According to the ONS, around 23% of full-time workers in the UK are "high earners".

But I take your point that calling 23% of full-time workers "high earners" is maybe stretching the point a bit. But they are definitely earning more than the 77% of full-time employees who aren't. You may have heard the phrase "upper quartile"? In this situation, it is people earning over £59,795 per year

But how about if we just look at the top 10% of earners? If you're in the top 10% then you're definitely a high earner. Would you agree with that?

To make the top 10% of full-time earners you need to be earning £76,903 per year. That is a take home of £4,509 per month for a non-graduate or £4,153 for a graduate.

So, yes, if you're taking home £4k per month then you are almost in the top 10% of full-time earners. I think that definitely counts as a "high earner"

Great post. Presents facts and definitions and has a clear conclusion.

unfortunately the majority of people do not change their opinion when presented with facts, so there will still be a lot of “yes well I still think it’s not a high earner”