Separation from high earner - how to live off this amount per month?

[Pinkpanther23]

Husband leaving and have 7 month and 7 year old - there’s been DV and finances are terrible.

Rent is £950 which for the house is amazing value, there’s nothing else locally that would keep eldest in same school that comes close. Think £100 less for a 2 bed apartment.

Ex has agreed to give £1k per month as is a high earner, this seems reasonable but I am worried about depending on this but he is a covert narc and cares a lot about his image and wouldn’t want me telling the village I’m destitute.

But it feels like I will be. Despite this higher cms with UC it’s only £2400 at the end. Im doing minimum wage remote work currently for like £200 a month and that may stop soon.

Have limited childcare here too and increasing my hours would mean a nursery and they’re literally all booked up until Jan. Contacted all local childminders too.

I’ve read on a forum that someone managed just fine on £2400 with 2 kids and fairly high rent but I can’t seem to run the numbers and cut any more.

I need to run a car due to location, and have accounted for £100 a month for MOT and repairs etc, also oil costs have sky rocketed so have factored in £130 a month for that

do I try to get more work somehow?

I feel so low

You do realise this is normal and lots of people do it?!

Will the benefit cap not apply? I thought you had to earn more than £200 to lift it. Or does it not apply when you've got a baby under a certain age?

£2400 a month.......

£950 rent
£130 heating oil
£300 food
£100 car repairs/servicing/mot
£ ? 200 council tax
£ ? 50 other utilities
£ ? 75 petrol
£ ? 100 clothes/shoes
£ ? 40 Phone/broadband
£ ? 50 school trips/expenses
£ ? 100 emergencies

I don't see an issue OP. Your income is easily liveable. Or you could just work more hours.

The benefit cap amount is £1835. A single person has to earn £881 or more a month after deductions to not be capped. Child benefit is included. So with UC of around £1530 and CB of £180 the OP is close to the cap but still under.

Some people here need to have a word with themselves. So many unnecessarily nasty responses
Good luck, OP.

I mean this gently, he’s not a high earner, and it’s a quarter of his earnings he is allocating, it’s difficult as cms would be less, even if he never has them overnight, so I’d take the 1k and then plan to live on the cms amount as the min.

Are you kidding?

Average household income is £2300 per month in the UK. By these standards OP is terribly out of touch for wondering how she can live off this.

Yes of course! In my head the cap was £1500. Doh.

I don’t even take home 2400 a month and work full time. Astonished you can get £1500 in UC !!!

Our household net income is the same o/p.

we manage fine 🤷‍♀️

it also leaves him with roughly the same income- so he should be able to house himself, although from what you say he may not be so lucky with renting somewhere similar to have the kids.

if he’s such a high earner why are you renting? Does he/you not own property?

I would be looking to get back into FT work though asap. Just in case the CM money does disappear- have you discussed child access and how often he would want the child?

Have you checked your circumstances and looked at UC? Lots of people think they don't qualify when they do.

Talk about kicking someone when they are down.

Some people really do need to take a long hard look at themselves.

OP speak to citizens advice or a charity that helps people work out what benefits you are entitled to.

You also need a divorce lawyer to get a proper settlement rather than just relying on what your ex "agrees" to. Because he can change his mind and leave you in an even worse situation.

They are saying it relative to OP describing h as a “high earner” not the national average though.

Seriously. Some of these posters - ample capacity to moan and have a dig at the OP when she's asking for support but no capacity to read, it seems. The OP cannot get a full time job with a baby and no childcare available for many months. It's stated clearly in the OP. OP as one poster mentioned you may be entitled to more UC than you think and are certainly entitled to half of your husband's assets including pension - please make sure you claim for these, don't walk away from that. Good luck.

You absolutely do need a solicitor. Try CAB if you really can't get a few hundred toghether for an initial consultation.

@Pinkpanther23 it may be worth seeing if you can get discretionary housing payment to cover the part of the rent thats over the LHA . Each council decides if it will be paid. Make you tell them about the separation and the DV.

I may have got it wrong. But roughly based on just uc entitlement. Of 2400 After taking out rent you would have 407.50 to live on. Per week.

It would likely be a struggle but you could do it. You may have to adjust. Like change how you shop . Go to cheaper brands. Etc .

I think its the unknown that is scary.

You know what is ridiculous? A man who earns 4k a month needing the government to fund his family because he's an abuser.

Just being goady?

@Pinkpanther23 I know I struggled to get a solicitor who is did legal aid but I think I had bad advice. I did my best and my dad helped me find it all in the end but it was thousands because exh dragged it out and it was awful. Sorry, not what you want to be hear....

...but in theory there is legal aid for victims of DV. Do you have some support? Can a friend help you look into it?

It's v hard. You will need to earn more but it's not magic.... It'll take time.

Give it all up then?

Wrong!

You can’t afford to NOT get a lawyer.

You need proper information and advice…

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• family solicitor websites

Knowledge is power. Educate yourself, gather all financial documents (including pensions) and, in the first instance, make a CAB appointment. But you should also invest in at least one consultation with a competent family solicitor.

It’s doable, but it depends on what your standard of living was like before. It will be hard to budget and go without luxuries that you were perhaps used to when he was earning 6/7k.

Hi Op, I mean this kindly and as a reassurance (not as a bashing!!!) but that amount per month works out the same as a full time salary of £46K after tax. That’s a good salary!!! Just make sure you list your outgoings each month, and budget accordingly and I think you will be fine.
Take care ❤️