Separation from high earner - how to live off this amount per month?

[Pinkpanther23]

Husband leaving and have 7 month and 7 year old - there’s been DV and finances are terrible.

Rent is £950 which for the house is amazing value, there’s nothing else locally that would keep eldest in same school that comes close. Think £100 less for a 2 bed apartment.

Ex has agreed to give £1k per month as is a high earner, this seems reasonable but I am worried about depending on this but he is a covert narc and cares a lot about his image and wouldn’t want me telling the village I’m destitute.

But it feels like I will be. Despite this higher cms with UC it’s only £2400 at the end. Im doing minimum wage remote work currently for like £200 a month and that may stop soon.

Have limited childcare here too and increasing my hours would mean a nursery and they’re literally all booked up until Jan. Contacted all local childminders too.

I’ve read on a forum that someone managed just fine on £2400 with 2 kids and fairly high rent but I can’t seem to run the numbers and cut any more.

I need to run a car due to location, and have accounted for £100 a month for MOT and repairs etc, also oil costs have sky rocketed so have factored in £130 a month for that

do I try to get more work somehow?

I feel so low

Did you enjoy putting the boot into a mother of a 7month old who’s experienced DV?

I’m sure you will work more when you can OP, for now check in with citizens advice you may be entitled to more.

Did you miss the bit where she's got a 7 month old baby and is experiencing domestic abuse?

It is absolutely for the taxpayer to top her up and I'm really bloody glad my taxes go towards helping her. Who on earth do you think "we" should help if not this lady FFS.

Hear Hear!

I’m all for joining in with a ‘benefits are ridiculous’ thread but OP is doing nothing wrong and has done nothing wrong and her children are tiny. Not much help to the country if we just pay someone else to look after her children so she can work.
OP I managed to bring up three on similar money. If there are no savings you may have got used to some things that you will now have to forego. Holidays and new clothes. But you’ll be able to feed you all and pay the bills on that.
Very sensible to put money aside for the car/contingencies. I’d also watch out for inconsistencies in maintenance if he’s a controlling type. Do it formally via the agency.
Being free and safe and sheltered and being able to stay in your house are so very valuable.

Haha as if she’s doing bugger all she’s got a 7 month old and a 7 year old.

OP I’m sorry you are in this position and have to
deal with nasty comments like this.

Can you apply for social housing given that it sounds like you won’t be able to rely on the CMS and you won’t be able to afford your rent?

I was calculating it with the hope that it might give the OP a little bit of reassurance that she is potentially better off financially than she thinks as she is clearly concerned. Not to criticise or moan about the amount of benefits she is entitled to.

Why don’t you get a full time job, by the sounds of it you’ll get 85% of childcare costs! You’re very lucky to be getting £1400 off UC and having to do little work. As a single parent who works all hours gods sends and is not entitled to UC and take home same as you, I don’t feel that much sympathy to be honest.

@10namechangeslaterthe mums I know do this without this level of support. She can work, she is choosing not to! That’s on her!

Can you try and make it work until Sept (thinking so you dont incur lots of holiday club costs over the summer) and then try and get more hours / a better paying job lined up for then? By then baby will nearly be 1y so absolutely fine in nursery and will be eligible for either support with the fees via UC or the 30hrs funding / taxfree childcare depending on what hours you can find. That will also help with increased income going into winter eg spending more if you are on oil heating.

I think you’d get more than £2400 when you add up UC, maintenance from ex, CB and your £200. The amount should be totally doable.

Yes it is, it’s nearly double the average take home pay! It might not stretch as far given current inflation and political climate but on paper it’s significantly higher than average…

As someone who fled DV and had nothing, it’s a very frightening time.
Quite how this turned into a benefit kicking post, where a woman with a 7 month old is told she’s lazy, and others wishing “they could get the same for doing nothing” I don’t know.

its really disappointing to see other women laying into a DV victim with young children.
These are the same people who would be “LTB” if she posted about the abuse.

This is a weird forum sometimes.

I'm usually the last person to admit to using AI, but I actually found Chat GPT helpful in running various financial scenarios when I was trying to work this out for myself. My ex husband earns far more than I do. He's left me with 100% of the childcare. It's a complicated calculation, because I am a full time earner too and I wanted to work out what was a fair contribution from him that would allow me to sustain the children's lifestyle in the short term, and tapered support in the longer term as I get myself financially independent from him.

I put in all the numbers - my income, his income, my outgoings, the cost of the children, his outgoings etc etc and it came up with various answers ranging from minimum to generous. Might be worth a go if you're not against the idea?

OP I have run a house on that amount when working full time. You absolutely can do it but you do need to be really organised and budget accordingly. Will you get any kind of lump sum from the divorce that can help you with a savings pot? Can you increase your work as DC get older?
sorry you experienced DV and hope that your future is much brighter for you and your little ones.

Don't be an arse, not helpful to OP and very crass.

My experience of leaving my ex was that initially I was very worried about money, but once I was settled I was much better off than I expected.

He wasn’t abusive but he was quite selfish and I hadn’t realised how much of our family resources were spent on him. Food, electricity, water, general spending all went down massively. Meals out were cheaper (because I wouldn’t always go for the expensive thing), weekends were cheaper (because they were more child focused) etc etc.

OP ignore the benefit bashers.

Tot up everything you'll be getting and post a breakdown of your expenses. There will be a way to navigate it. It might be tough for a bit but kids grow and nursery places come up. You just need a breather and find your feet first.

4K per month less £950 rent leaves her with £3050 pm. Let’s assume bills of £1000 pm, that leaves £473 per week for food and sundries. Not a bad amount.

You would still be better off than @Pinkpanther23 though, in the same circumstances.

If you were renting with a LHA of £500 with 2 children, you'd still get the £424.90 single allowance, and 2 child rates at £303.94, plus the £500 LHA rate, totalling £1532.78.

You would have a work allowance of £427, so your wages of £2900 would only be counted as £2473.

55% would be deducted, so that's £1360.15.

You would end up with your £2900 wages, £172.63 Universal Credit, and £179.80 every 4 weeks in Child Benefit.

You would end up with £3252.43, which is £339.85 more than the OP would get in her circumstances, despite getting £1000 per month maintenance.

In addition to all this, you have future earning power and a very good pension scheme.

It won't be £1250 after rent. It will be £1962.58 after rent. Universal credit £1532.78, Child benefit £179.80, maintenance £1000, £200 wages. Total £2912.58. Rent £950.

I know, it's ridiculous how out of touch this places is sometimes.

OP, you don't seem to have mentioned CB, which you're probably not entitled to while living with your DH. However, if you're planning to separate, get your claim in today and backdate if allowed. For any time deemed disallowed due to his salary, it will be him who gets a tax bill to sort it out, so not your problem.

However, if he's that way inclined, if you think him receiving a tax bill for this a year or two down the line will cause him to deviate from the maintenance agreement, tread carefully, at least keep a record of him moving out, ie where he went on x date.

You need to wise up and get a solicitor to look at financials plus cms. Do not get shafted financially. The offer may sound good but you could be due much more.

you can't not afford a lawyer!

OK, I just saw £2400 coming in, £950 coming out, so looking even better then.

The household has one fewer adult to accommodate so there will be a reduction in council tax, minor reduction in bills (one fewer mobile phone, single adult council tax discount), less food, less travel/only one car, reduction in his spending, so their lifestyle might not drop that much, the OP should be reasonably comfortable.

You do realise this is normal and lots of people do it?!