Separation from high earner - how to live off this amount per month?

[Pinkpanther23]

Husband leaving and have 7 month and 7 year old - there’s been DV and finances are terrible.

Rent is £950 which for the house is amazing value, there’s nothing else locally that would keep eldest in same school that comes close. Think £100 less for a 2 bed apartment.

Ex has agreed to give £1k per month as is a high earner, this seems reasonable but I am worried about depending on this but he is a covert narc and cares a lot about his image and wouldn’t want me telling the village I’m destitute.

But it feels like I will be. Despite this higher cms with UC it’s only £2400 at the end. Im doing minimum wage remote work currently for like £200 a month and that may stop soon.

Have limited childcare here too and increasing my hours would mean a nursery and they’re literally all booked up until Jan. Contacted all local childminders too.

I’ve read on a forum that someone managed just fine on £2400 with 2 kids and fairly high rent but I can’t seem to run the numbers and cut any more.

I need to run a car due to location, and have accounted for £100 a month for MOT and repairs etc, also oil costs have sky rocketed so have factored in £130 a month for that

do I try to get more work somehow?

I feel so low

Have you

Have you got parents that could help you

Either with childcare or items/food or money

After he gives her 1k he’s left with 3k

she has 2.4k

he works, she doesn’t, their money in their pocket is pretty close. They both need houses.

As it should reduce if your ex has overnights, why should he pay for your life if he is also providing for the child. If your on if you can get free childcare so no reason to not work. Stop being entitled thinking your ex should still pay for your life and earn it.

This
i think sometimes people who receive benefits, or cms, don’t really realise how much they would have to earn to take home the same amount. It could well be more than you’ve said if there are other “benefits” like reduced council tax that are not seen as income.

To pay 1k a month cms is the equivalent of 20k extra salary (for a 40% taxpayer)

To those saying £70k is not a “high earner”, take a minute to consider this is significantly higher than average and give yourself a reality check that the majority of people in this country earn significantly less and do not take home £4k a month.

Valid point. My DH brings home £6k monthly. He pays his ex £1k in maintenance. Left with £5k.
She makes £1.7k in salary, £1.8 in UC , just under 300 in child benefit and the £1k from him. So total of £4800 .
thats probably equivalent of earning 85k per annum or so?

Insert xxx reason why OP cannot do this and would rather claim. £200 per month salary is ridiculous.

I have a relative like this. Cannot see that working more brings more money in. Wants someone else to fund them

I am a bit baffled. I'm the last person to want to bash anyone with benefits but I thought UC was less generous than the old tax credits system?

I had TC when I was left high and dry by exh and grateful because it allowed me to get back on my feet. I had it until I managed to increase my hours to a near full time job. I now earn around 40k+ which according to MN means I am poor but I don't think I am. I get about £300 now from ex (was nothing for a while and then £200 for a long time). I only get child benefit.

I am surprised that getting £1.7k salary can be topped up by more than the same again in benefits? How can that be so?

My income is 24k gross plus c3k UC, 2 older children now. No car, no holidays, no days out, but comfortably enough for bills and food- can cover all basics- but no extras or luxuries. Ever.
(widowed young - no cms) Difficult with UC when you have a mortgage as opposed to renting...

you absolutely need a solicitor. Ask to pay the bill later out of the money you get from the divorce

£1k out of 6k seems reasonable.

If he such a high earner didn't own a home together? Whats happened to that?

Can you work to earn more once the youngest can go to nursery?

The Government sets minimum levels for income based on your circumstances. There is an element for the main claimants, children, disability, housing costs, etc. Then a work allowance of £427 is applied to earnings before 55% is deducted from the award.

People with disabilities, lots of children (especially now the 2 child cap is lifted), disability, or high housing costs are fairly well protected, if at least one person in the household works. If people don't work, they will have a benefit cap so they won't receive more than the cap.

Absolutely! And well done for getting out Chingchang. I hope you are safe and thriving now

Are you missing the fact she is fleeing DV??? Have you ever had to do that? With a tiny baby? What is wrong with you?

@MsAnnFrope From what I read, he is leaving the home not the other way around?

Another thread proving it pays to not work in the uk in 2026!

I really don’t know how it’s possible and I don’t want to speculate. I presume low earner+ renting+ 3 kids entitles her to the UC. There is no 2 child cap either as they are older.
plus child benefit.
and the maintenance doesn’t count, he could be paying 3 times more and the benefit calculation wouldn’t change.
it used to be higher for a while as he paid her spousal maintenance to allow her to get a degree and a job.

it does baffle me too. Especially working in a senior role earning 70k and my monthly take home is lower than that.

I anticipate an absolute disaster once the children age-out of benefits and maintenance.

but I don’t want to derail the thread. I just wanted to illustrate the point that sometimes the high earner vs poor single mum narrative is not completely true when you look at actual total income from all sources.

Uc can be a very generous benefit for people with kids. However a large part of it may be towards rent given how high private rentals are. I am surprised people still get so much in benefits when they have large amounts of CM as well though. It should be counted in some way when such high amounts. I know people always argue that CM is not counted because it may not be consistent but many NRP do pay consistently and reliably and in this day and age there must be a way where some of it can be clawed back from the benefits without the RP risking being left at risk of poverty. I don't understand why so much is given in benefits when a child has two parents still providing for it ?

OP, I think the speculation on this thread shows the main thing you need to do is make a budget. If nothing else, this will put you back in control; I suspect half the way your are feeling right now is because you feel out of control. You are used to living on a bigger salary so you will have to adjust your way of living, but you will also be saving money because there is one fewer adult.

I'd suggest using something like the spreadsheet on Money Saving Expert which forces you to think about all your expenses whether monthly, annual or ad-hoc.

Write down all your outgoings. All your necessary and fixed outgoings (rent, council tax etc). All your necessary but variable outgoings (food, transport costs etc). And everything else.

You can't do anything about necessary and fixed outgoings.
You might be able to do something about necessary and variable (the stereotypical "shop in Lidl and menu plan" type response)
You can definitely do something with discretionary spending.

But, as pointed out on this thread, £2900 a month is really not bad for an adult and 2 young children; you will probably find it better than you think.

That is a very good point. My husband never once missed a payment. It could be easily checked using online statements on both sides.
sometimes people who are angry at the high benefit spend in this country say „ we wouldn’t have to pay so much in benefits if deadbeat dads actually paid for their kids” . the problem is when they do pay , and pay regularly , the mum still receives taxpayer support so effectively we are double-paying some single parents.

If CMS was calculated fairly and properly I can see it working to take it into account with benefits. The facts are, OP demonstrating this, why push for that when we can all sub the OP to do minimum work and get money from her DH!

A DV thread turned into a benefit bashing thread well done slow hand clap 👏 👏 👏

can your ex look after the kids some weekends/ overnights meaning that you can then work during those weekends and evenings?

and put youngest on the waiting list for a nursery place in Jan and find a job for then