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Original poster

Splitting finances on maternity… fair?

88 replies

MiaRosexo · 04/04/2026 16:18

Just curious as to how others worked out finances on maternity leave and whether mine seems fair as I try my best to be good with money but I’m not great!

Me and my partner will be trying to conceive our first baby soon, for context we have a mortgage together but are not married, I earn a fair bit more than him however we go 50/50 on bills etc, we have separate accounts and he tends to pay for date nights and stuff as he’s a very generous man. Generally this means I have more money left over, which I do put into savings.

Unfortunately my work only do standard SMP which I believe will be around £750 a month. My contributions monthly to the house, bills, food, car finance etc is roughly £1.1k so we are both equally putting money into a maternity savings account with the aim for 9 months worth of this so roughly £10k, with the idea that my portion of the bills will be covered and the actual SMP will be my money to keep on maternity for days out, baby classes, lunches etc. So far we’ve managed £5.5k saved and that’s without us even trying to conceive yet so I’m very happy with our progress.

I feel like on paper this does feel fair as we are both putting into the pot now, so technically I will be paying a quarter of the household bills throughout maternity.

I just wanted to check I’m not being caught out anywhere and how others did it.

And please no lectures on being married etc first I am aware that’s the sensible thing to do however we can only save for one thing at a time realistically and timescales make me feel as though a baby is more important first, marriage will be on the cards eventually.

Thank you x

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 04/04/2026 16:23

we can only save for one thing at a time realistically and timescales make me feel as though a baby is more important first, marriage will be on the cards eventually.

If you want to be married, do so before putting yourself at a disadvantage by having children. Weddings may be expensive but getting married is not.

justlonelystars · 04/04/2026 16:26

We didn’t split anything. The money coming in was joint money without having a set allocation for me or him. I spent more than him as I was off work and socialising more. IMO if you’re having a baby together there shouldn’t really be any discussion around whether money “belongs” to anyone.

DarmokAndJaladAtTenagra · 04/04/2026 16:30

Seperarte finances when you have children is madness. This is the start of the problem:

SMP will be my money to keep on maternity for days out, baby classes, lunches etc.
So why is your money covering the baby's/toddler's classes? And their food when eating out? Will it be your money that covers their sweets, toys, treats, clothes as they grow? School dinners? School trips?

But then combining finances before you get married is also madness.

Haveing a child without the protection of being married if you're in a stable relationship is madness

So get married first (affordably, have a party another time), combine finances second, have baby third

This is the money board, not chat or relationships, this is money advice

Genxhausted · 04/04/2026 16:31

Get the legal bit of the marriage done before babies. It's a quick 10mins at the registry office with a couple of friends as witnesses. Tell no one . Having a baby throws a bomb in the middle of the best of relationships and you don't want to leave him an easy exit route. I'm deadly serious. Married entitles you to most of the house, half of his pension and you are legally his next of kin. Cheating or walking away becomes a very expensive decision when he hasn't had sex for 12 months because of a birth injury.
Later, you can have the whole shebang with a celebrant and honeymoon and no one will be the wiser.

Schoolchoicesucks · 04/04/2026 16:33

Seems fair enough, but what are your plans for after maternity leave - splitting childcare costs or if one of you intends to return to work part time? Does your partner have a better shared parental leave deal through hos work and would you consider splitting the leave with him?

I married DH a couple of years after having DC1 so not lecturing you here, but a wedding costs as much as you are willing to spend on it. Which could be £500 all in if you wanted. What will you do if it takes you a year + to conceive?

Shallotsaresmallonions · 04/04/2026 16:34

Getting married is very cheap. Do that first.

Workinggreen · 04/04/2026 16:36

You can literally get married for about £50 though. Most people have a registry office wedding before their wedding anyway, because most places aren’t legal to do an actual wedding.
I think it all sounds fair except if he wants to leave and take half the money back you’re left with not much money, lots of bills and a baby.

obviously your deal does have you covering things for the baby and I’d probably define if that means you’re 100% responsible for nappies, clothes, formula, any private vaccines or anything else the baby needs too. Because that all adds up quickly

Decacaffeinatednow · 04/04/2026 16:37

So you earn a fair bit more than he does but yet it’s 50/50 on bills. If you were a man you would be called a financial abuser on MN.

MeridaBrave · 04/04/2026 16:39

Honestly it’s mad to have separate finances if you have kids. We changed to a joint account when I was on my first maternity leave.

I agree with the others have a quiet wedding first.

Jellybunny98 · 04/04/2026 16:39

Decacaffeinatednow · 04/04/2026 16:37

So you earn a fair bit more than he does but yet it’s 50/50 on bills. If you were a man you would be called a financial abuser on MN.

This was sort of my first thought.

When you earn more you pay 50/50 and keep more, when you earn less you want a joint pot…

Barrenfieldoffucks · 04/04/2026 16:39

That advice only tends to be given when there are kids involved.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 04/04/2026 16:46

£750 a month for spends doesn’t sound like much. You’ve got the bills covered but perhaps increase the savings goal (once you’ve reached it) to cover baby expenditure which you’ll have access to on mat leave.

wldpwr · 04/04/2026 17:03

Me and DH get paid into one account and share everything. I honestly don't think anything else makes sense when you have kids.

RawBloomers · 04/04/2026 17:16

Given you're the higher earner, if that is likely to continue and you and DH are going to be putting equal time/effort into parenting, childcare and careers then marriage may not be in your best interests financially (though does seem to make for a more stable base for children).

Given your current financial set up, I think it seems like a relatively reasonable split for the maternity period, but the issue of covering the child's costs ongoing, and the lifestyle you all will lead if you are splitting all costs 50/50 between you and DP may need more thought.

RawBloomers · 04/04/2026 17:18

Decacaffeinatednow · 04/04/2026 16:37

So you earn a fair bit more than he does but yet it’s 50/50 on bills. If you were a man you would be called a financial abuser on MN.

I don't think that's the case when there aren't children in the picture. Proportionate bill splitting is more popular with the MN crowd but 50/50, providing lifestyle is not overblown at the better off partner's dictate, isn't generally seen as unfair.

HortiGal · 04/04/2026 17:19

Personally it was always everything in the one pot, but if you’re going to split it should be proportional to earnings.

titchy · 04/04/2026 17:20

Woah people. She earns more - getting married puts her at a financial disadvantage. TBH the way things are split now disadvantages HIM. Each partner should have equal spending money. It sounds like now, and your ML plans, will mean he continues to be worse off.

Do you want things to be more equal? Does he?

ShanghaiDiva · 04/04/2026 17:21

Enrichetta · 04/04/2026 16:23

we can only save for one thing at a time realistically and timescales make me feel as though a baby is more important first, marriage will be on the cards eventually.

If you want to be married, do so before putting yourself at a disadvantage by having children. Weddings may be expensive but getting married is not.

Exactly!

Bearbookagainandagain · 04/04/2026 17:21

I earn significantly more than my husband, and the gap was even bigger when we had our first child. We weren't married either.

With children, it came to a point where we just paid what we could. The split didn't really matter anyway, because we just have enough to cover the bills, and save what we could for holidays and extra expenses.

It sounds like it's a similar situation for you now, it's not about a "fair split" of bills. You both want a child and the parental leave has to be financed somehow, so everyone put what they can in the pot.

You should check your husband's parental leave policy though, potentially it would be more economical for him to take some of the parental leave rather than you.

CaffeinatedMum · 04/04/2026 17:25

Seems fair to me in terms of savings and bills, but how much with your partner have leftover each month? If it is more than £750 you should balance it out. I’d look at combining what you both have, putting a set amount into a joint account, and then making sure you’ve both got an equal amount of fun money leftover each month, you should be doing that anyway regardless of maternity leave. That way when you have to start paying for childcare, clothes, days out etc then it’s already all done equally. You also need to think about the impact on your pension, does your workplace offer you the chance to buy it back and if so do you need to save for that?

I’m not going to bang the drum for getting married if you don’t want to. I’m not although we will probably at some point in the future. But you do need to make sure you consider a joint will, life insurance provisions, pension pay outs etc.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 04/04/2026 17:28

So 50:50 when you're the higher earner, but you want him to sub you when you're the lower earner? He's definitely not ripping you off, quite the opposite.

DarmokAndJaladAtTenagra · 04/04/2026 17:28

titchy · 04/04/2026 17:20

Woah people. She earns more - getting married puts her at a financial disadvantage. TBH the way things are split now disadvantages HIM. Each partner should have equal spending money. It sounds like now, and your ML plans, will mean he continues to be worse off.

Do you want things to be more equal? Does he?

She does at the moment. Will she always? What happens if she starts working part time? Or successive maternity leaves/ or her prioritising family over work lead to her career stagnating while he gets promoted into higher paying roles? What happens if he leaves her with the children, making minimum maintenance payments?

tinyspiny · 04/04/2026 17:29

This is an alien concept to me , we share all money that comes into the house so it is irrelevant who earns what , you budget with what you have .

WannabeMathematician · 04/04/2026 17:31

You need to take a step back and consider more than just money. When you have a baby time, energy and effort need to also be considered as well. Are you going to be splitting all of these 50/50? You should consider this as well as considering finaces as ability to earn and parent compete for these things as well.

AlphaApple · 04/04/2026 17:32

What happens after ML? Will either or both of you reduce your working hours? What about childcare costs? ML is only the start of the joint financial fuckery that having a child means. Plan all of it out, not just the first 12 months.