Splitting finances on maternity… fair?

[MiaRosexo]

Just curious as to how others worked out finances on maternity leave and whether mine seems fair as I try my best to be good with money but I’m not great!

Me and my partner will be trying to conceive our first baby soon, for context we have a mortgage together but are not married, I earn a fair bit more than him however we go 50/50 on bills etc, we have separate accounts and he tends to pay for date nights and stuff as he’s a very generous man. Generally this means I have more money left over, which I do put into savings.

Unfortunately my work only do standard SMP which I believe will be around £750 a month. My contributions monthly to the house, bills, food, car finance etc is roughly £1.1k so we are both equally putting money into a maternity savings account with the aim for 9 months worth of this so roughly £10k, with the idea that my portion of the bills will be covered and the actual SMP will be my money to keep on maternity for days out, baby classes, lunches etc. So far we’ve managed £5.5k saved and that’s without us even trying to conceive yet so I’m very happy with our progress.

I feel like on paper this does feel fair as we are both putting into the pot now, so technically I will be paying a quarter of the household bills throughout maternity.

I just wanted to check I’m not being caught out anywhere and how others did it.

And please no lectures on being married etc first I am aware that’s the sensible thing to do however we can only save for one thing at a time realistically and timescales make me feel as though a baby is more important first, marriage will be on the cards eventually.

Thank you x

During my pregnancy we each put an equal amount of money into a separate “maternity cover” bank account which ultimately would allow me to have a year off work as it would cover what I would otherwise be contributing every month to the bills whilst I was off. So we did exactly what you’re doing.

Everything we bought for the baby be it during pregnancy or after the birth cane out of the joint account which my husband’s salary and my maternity pay was going into.

Tbh I dont think your split is fair up till now. He's contributing far more proportionally than you are. And if you're aiming to finance 9 months off you're clearly intending to go back to work and continue this way.

You add up your total income. You take out how much bills cost. How much you agree needs saving. How much food and child things cost. Add a little for unexpected expenses. The split it in half. That's how much you both get to keep for yourself. The rest goes in a joint pot for joint expenses.

Mine and DH’s money is all joint so we just adjusted our family budget to factor in my drop in pay. It works well for us and there is no resentment about who is paying for what. We earn within 5k of each other but that hasn’t always been the case - we’ve also swapped who has been earning more so both been in the higher earner position.

It always amazes me to read on MN about people who are so fully committed to one another that they risk having a baby together -- but who also manage to maintain a mindset in which finances have to be kept separate, and contributions obsessively monitored for fairness. As if it was sorting out the spilt of the bill for a meal out with friends, rather than managing a family unit.

Joint account, for everything. Plus checking that any saving that happens is on equitable terms, in case of separation.

We have kept separate finances for 30 years and been married for 27 almost 28. It works for us because it’s not a basic money in, bills and some funnelled in to savings, we always invested. But we were married for 2 years before we had a child.

What you are doing sounds fine at the moment except the not being married.

That sounds extremely low.

It’s correct - I have done several calculators online, I am based up north so cheaper round here. I also know how much my friends/colleagues etc pay and it is similar amounts x

Thank you! x

I think you should pool money once you become a family. But that aside, if we are talking about "fairness", then NO, it's not fair. Not fair to him.

You say :

I earn a fair bit more than him however we go 50/50 on bills etc

he tends to pay for date nights and stuff

Generally this means I have more money left over, which I do put into savings

So he is already putting in more than you, despite earning less. You also save, whereas he doesn't (or if he does, he saves less), because he pays for the frivolities and you don't.

Over the next few months/years, you will both be saving £5000 each to cover your portion of the bills on Mat leave, which in essence means that he is gifting you £5000.

In addition, you will be keeping the £750pm Mat leave money, which over a year amounts to £9000.

So, when all is said and done, you have saved £5000 but received £9000, meaning that you are £4000 in credit, whereas he has saved £5000 and received nothing, meaning that he is £5000 in debit. How the hell is this "fair"?

All your money should be pooled and available to both of you, and all bills come out of the joint pot. There are no individual pots at all, unless for things like ISAs. Getting married is very, very cheap. Do not let cost hold you back.

My ex and I were unmarried when we had 2 x DC. When DC1 was born, we earned the same. He was unplanned and we hadn’t saved for mat leave and had bought a house when i was 7 months pregnant. Back then it wasn’t 9 months of SMP, only 6 but I was fully paid for 6, then took 6month unpaid which ex DP covered cost for. DD, I saved for mat leave so ex DP wasn’t paying out, as I hated relying on him for money. So that wasn’t really fair that my pay reduced, but I still paid the same.

We also did a 50-50 split of bills / mortgage. I think that should be proportionate and you pay more.

Whilst you’re the high earner now, you might not always be. You may go part time. Raising kids is hard. After DD I dropped a day and went back 4 days, so we only had to pay 4 days of childcare. So I had a drop in salary; was saving us a days childcare a week, but still paying 50-50 for bills etc.

In the 15yrs we have been split, my ex’s career has flourished. He has been to work overseas for many years, leaving me to care for kids and unable to push ahead in my own career until the kids got older. Had we been married, his pension would have been taken into account in split; and house may not have been split 50-50. So whilst you may feel you don’t need protection of marriage now, you may do later down the line, and many couples never get around to it. Protect yourself is my suggestion.

Yes, he is definitely not getting a fair deal. Especially at the moment in that he earns quite a lot less, but is paying out more. Why is he paying for dates etc when you’re the higher earner? That should stop as it’s unfair and he’s left with nothing to save. I guess he’s embarrassed to say anything as you’re earning more and he wants to treat you, but its unfair.

Gifting? surely most people agree that men should pay towards maternity leave... how could I possibly get by if we DIDN'T save? my outgoings to the joint account are roughly £1k a month yet SMP is roughly £750... I wouldn't be able to survive if we didn't save? I would hardly consider it a 'gift' considering women are the ones that have to go through pregnancy, labour, missing out on pension and career progression etc for 9 months to a year...