Husband wants to sell my pre-marriage flat to clear debts

[rdsh]

I’m just asking somewhere objective.

I have a flat I owned before I met DH. It is let out and the income is quite good. I do rely on it to a certain extent because I don’t earn much.

DH however wants to sell it: he wants to clear some debt.

I guess I’m just wondering WWYD … I want to keep it but part of that is perhaps because it benefits me rather than the whole family?

Keep it. Keep it. Keep it. His debt, his problem. If the debts were accrued during your relationship then work them off together - but keep your own property in your sole name. Again, keep it. Have I stressed that enough? Keep it.

Many employers will fund counselling, even relationship counselling

Could you not sell the other property that doesn't give an income?

@rdsh are you going to find out exactly what your debts are? Even if finances are separate these are discussions you should be having especially if it then means you might have to see a substantial asset like a property.

You then need to look at income in and expenses, including any debt repayment.

That is a lot of debt

I wouldn’t sell your flat, especially because there was an asset of yours before you met

You have both got to stop spending so much so yes his brand-new shiny car goes but equally in holidays you need to cut back a little as well

The only way you will pay it off is to have more income so whether you go full-time and then lose a little for Childcare or you do an evening or weekend job and the children with their dad

If you sell your flat @rdsh the debts for his Tesla etc etc will be settled but I can promise you that the debts will accumulate again because the behaviour won’t change

dont sell the flat

the childcare is a shared bill, this needs to be. Coming out of a joint account, bills need to be proportional to your incomes.

him buying a car without talking to you is absolutely out of order

him buying a TESLA ffs, after Trump got in? after all the Elon Musk drug addled insanity?

wow! What a total prick. Is he paying the high rate road tax too?

no, you tell him that he makes decisions like spending money on a MuskMobile without talking to you, doesn’t share the costs of the childcare, etc he doesn’t get to tell you to sell your security assets.

be calm but firm. He needs to change his spending habits (as do you) and get things on a far more fair footing. You need equal spending money, not running at a loss every month.

Don't mistake flashy extravagant gestures for real generosity. He spent a few hundred quid on your Mother's Day and how many tens of thousands on his own car?

Dedicate 2026 as a reset/recoup year

It depends how much the debt is, if it's only a few thousand then no don't sell the flat, however if the debts are in the tens of thousands, maybe the only way out of that debt is to sell the flat with any left over money to be left in your account.
Have you looked into consolidating all the debt to have a one payment thing?
Also, what is the husband willing to sell to pay off his share of the debt.
Could cars, phone handsets, furniture be sold and downgraded to reduce the debt balance

OP, I think before deciding on anything you really to get your head around all the outgoings.

So you need to know what the debt repayments are monthly.

What your other essentials bills total.

How much you need for food etc

Total household income.

I think reason people are assuming you are vulnerable is because you don't seem to know any of the above.

If the monthly debt repayments are say around 800 then it will make sense to sell the flat as you could just take the 400 out of what would have been going to debts.

I'm going to suggest selling, but not necessarily to clear the debt. As you've said, your family is living beyond it's means and that needs to be addressed. I'm not going to repeat the other ideas about that. At the same time as rethinking your family's budget, all your assets need to be working for you, and at the very least, paying their way. From what you've said, the flat may not be giving the same income that you could get from having the same money in a high interest account. You've said the flat gives you an income of about £400 each month after costs, and that you have about £1000 of expenses coming up (finder's fee + £750 in repairs). If that's about right then your situation is:
== 95k flat ==
Profit: £400 x 12 months = £4800 income per year
Additional costs: 1k per year
Actual income <£4k per year?

Chase bank are currently paying 4.5% in their high interest savings account.

== 95k in high interest savings account ==
Profit: £4275 income per year

Now of course depending on your tax status you may have to pay tax on the income, but there are ways to minimise this (like saving in an ISA). But this sort of income is surely much easier than the uncertainty of renting, void periods, repairs etc. Savings income is more reliable.

So my vote is that if you sell the flat, you either invest the money or put it in a high interest account.

@rdsh the comment you made about him coming home with (yet another) new car and then you being requested to sell the flat is what needs discussing with your DH and is the crux of the matter

It may be a great deal and saving on fuel prices but it will be a huge cut in salary plus a down payment. That’s significant spend.

It seems like he doesn’t view the car as a family purchase or decision but your flat is, which appears to be an inherited gift. What if you didn’t have it to sell, would he have not bought the car?

Hard no. You need to take control of the finances as said here. There isn't a quick fix. Budget, cut back, review regularly together.

@rdsh absolutely don't sell your asset for a shared debt. You have some red flags there already, the flat is your safety net.
Both of you need to grow up and stop spending money you don't have. Maybe consolidate the existing debt into one loan and then really rein in your spending to get the debt down. And then sort out a proper budget and live within your means.

Op a VERY quick look on Auto trader shows the CHEAPEST Tesla (with over £100,000 miles on the clock) is £15k. That's a big chunk of your debt, sat on your drive.

And then add your car that just somehow... appeared... after a brief chat about ads on your social media.

Neither of you have any accountability for your financial situation - you have assets and a huge income (if you're not eligible for free childcare hours) with capacity for this to increase after mat leave, but no idea AT ALL of how you've chalked up £65k of debt

Time to have those hard conversations and get some clarity before making ANY decisions.

I agree, to be honest I was thinking about days out in general. They definitely add up if you’re not careful.

I went to a NT site this past weekend on that national lottery open day thing and we made a bit of a ✨date day✨ out of it but only in public transport, a sit down breakfast, a stop for ice creams at the site and a small gift shop token (magnets) it was a small fortune! All I kept thinking was how a day out can get expensive fast for families with children.

It might be a good time to sell depending on where the flat is and roll the money into tax sheltered investments.

I don’t agree the proceeds should be used to clear joint debt.

If it’s a sticking point, agree on an amount from the proceeds to knock the debt down and that for every £ you contribute from the flat, he contributes a £ from his savings.

Then draw up a monthly budget so you don’t overspend and clear the rest of the debt.

Do not do this never ever sell that flat

That leads me to a different response from my first instinct.
In this case, I would work out, together, how much this debt could cost you in interest etc, versus income for you (I wouldn't know, but landlords are saying renting is going to become hard for them) and if it's better to just clear it, do that. But agree to put some in a separate account for you if you are wary (but then if you are that wary, think about why you don't trust him, and think twice about the sale!)

You can’t afford your life style now with the extra money from the rental so if you sell it and don’t have that income how are you going to fund your life? Are you going to accumulate more debt with no asset ?

How much are the monthly payments on 65K of debt how are you affording this

If the properties are increasing assets I would hold onto them if you can. The car is losing value and wasn’t a good move if you had other debt already but he must have been financially assessed as being able to afford it to take it on so that is on him. The childcare years are short in the grand scheme of things so if you will be able to go back to work and will be able to dig yourself out of the debt and it is just temporary while dc are very young then it probably doesn’t make sense to sell assets for a short term problem. Can he rearrange his work eg compressed hours, wfh so you could earn more without childcare costs?

Do not try to sell a flat just now with a sitting tenant, this is the worst time to sell in many many years. If you lose the tenant there might not be another good one to fill their spot because unemployment must surely tick up now?

https://www.msn.com/en-za/news/other/uk-borrowing-costs-hit-highest-level-since-2008-as-gilt-sell-off-deepens/ar-AA1Z3t2I

Tesla's are anything from 40k upwards?
If so that's 2/3rds of the debt that you had no part of.
You are paying towards and caring for small children, yet this contribution by you does not seem valued by the "head" of the house🙄.

So much easier for him to blame and guilt you than reflect on his spending.

The properties can only be increasing assets if people are prepared to borrow more to increase them, smart cash money offers fire-sale prices when crisis hits, people are not going to borrow more anymore.

You said the debt is both yours, so you sell your flat and what does he sell ? Or he's expecting you to clear the debt with your flat.
In that situation there would be No way I would sell the flat. 100% No. Dont do it. Maybe agree a small percentage of the income can go towards paying the debt and he has to also match it, as he also acrued the debt.

Don't sell it, youl forever regret it.