If you were in my shoes, how would you get yourself out of this ?

[Hillomjs12]

Looking for some advice because I am going through a rough patch financially and I am worried my debt is going to increase to just make ends meet!

Since my separation I have been lucky to secure a small terraced for me and my children. I am however coming to the realisation that the cost of living as a single parent is not only difficult it is becoming increasingly evident that I cannot continue living off so little. I co-parent with EXH 50/50 so not liable for any child maintenance and quite rightly, so he has them his fair share of time. I receive some UC and child benefit, but this gets swallowed up with bills, petrol, food etc.

I have no savings and my son’s birthday / MOT coming up next month. Every time I try to make an overpayment on my credit card it gets swallowed up a few days down the line when I have nothing left in the bank. I am going to break this down and would appreciate any advice on how I can increase my surplus money.

Take home £1900
UC + CB = £480
Mortgage: £720
Utilities: £150
Water: £77 (no meter)
Council Tax: £220 ( this will reduce to £120 in April)
TV + broadband: £35
Mobile: £17
Gym: £26
Car: £160 (pcp)
Car tax and insurance:£55
Vet subscription: £19
Loan: £100 (family member lent me money for necessary home repairs)
Credit Card: £40 ( I owe £1,600)
Food: £350
Petrol: £100
Klarna: £39 (Two payments left from Christmas presents for DC)

If my calculations are correct, I am normally left with £68 a week to live off after all bills have been deducted. But with this I need to use it to pay for DC activities, clothes, and upcoming birthdays, general life. I work a Band 4 NHS operations role so think I need to start looking for a better paid job role. How can I realistically improve my life financially because I cannot continue living like this?

Thank you for your help ✍

It all looks very reasonable, including the gym membership. Your health is so important. I honestly don’t see much wiggle room there but it’s good news that you’ll have a little extra soon. My daughter earns a little extra selling things on eBay and Vinted. Not big bucks but it helps.

Being harsh here, but rehome the pet and cease the gym membership.

How come the Council tax is reducing? Can the reduction be backdated at all ?

£350 pcm for food is quite a lot for you and DC half a week. Can you try cheaper food and cut out stuff like crisps with no nutritional value. Buy fruit in season like apples instead of berries.

Unless you need the car for work it might be cheaper to catch the bus.

You will be better off in April so you just need to cut back until then.

You might not want to hear this but you should never go into debt for gifts, even for a DC. Cut back on gifts for DC they will after all get done from your exh too.

Personally I'd get rid of gym membership and walk and do an occasional swim which can be bought as a 1 off.

You should not agree to take on more cost of DC birthday party. It's madness getting more into debt for. If exh wants to give DS a party let him fund it.

This is totally unfair - what happens when it comes to expensive school trips and your dh says yes and you have to magic money out of thin air - its not sustainable.

You need to let dh know that although you want to put your fair share in its meaning that you are strapped for cash for putting food etc on the table. Whilst you'll do it can he think about either keeping every thing cheap for your ds or paying more.

I bet he didn't have maternity leave and missed months of paying into a pension, I bet he was happy to go halves with you though he has been earning more and hasn't had the disadvantages of maternity pay etc - so possibly its him that is "grabby" but doesn't actually realise that he is doing so. I bet youve chosen your work to fit in with your dc whereas throughout the marriage he didn't have to make those considerations.

Yes he maybe a good dad, but, and I say this in the nicest way - he has had advantages

If you were still together would the children’s expenses be split 50/50 or pro rata to your respective salaries?

Because your ex gets better value from the cost of childcare than you do, because it enables him to earn more money than you.

It also wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to pay more towards things like parties.

But I appreciate the value of being amicable.

I have an account with chase and do roundup, everything I pay for gets rounded up to the £ and put in an account, it pays for Xmas every year it’s surprising how well it adds up! I also get cashback of about £10 per month with them.

Perhaps he'd be willing to give a bit more if you specify the exact things he could get for the dc - so he know it's going directly to improve their quality of life, and so you feel less guilty as he's not giving you the money per se. I don't think you should feel bad though, he can always say no.

Hi @Hillomjs12 - I came to say this too.

I would definitely ask ex DH for a little bit more - perhaps he could cover more clubs?

• Check you're not paying interest on CC and if you are move to an interest free card and pay off as you are doing.

• Check your heating bill. It feels quite high - I pay £145 per month, I'm metered and it's quite a large 4 bed house. COuld you reduce this slightly by shopping around? I'm with OVO.

• If you're going to the gym and it's keeping you sane, keep it up as an essential. If not and it's a chore, then leave it and do home workouts from free YouTube videos , walks etc.

• My water bill halved when I got a meter - worth considering this?

Am assuming you're getting the single person allowance on your council tax too - if not worth looking into this?? The drop you already have in April will be so helpful.

I hope you can work it out - it's so hard x x

I called Yorkshire Water to try and lower my bill. They were asking about income and they have lower tariffs if you say you can’t afford it. It might be worth calling them but you do have to give them all you income details for them to check whether you qualify for a lower tariff.

Standard rate of Uc going up above inflation in April so hopefully you can keep your gym membership.

if you recommend 5 friends you get £50 for every friend that opens an account using your personalised code - and they put in £1000 to their account.

Also jam doughnut is a cash back site - you buy a gift card with chase - so get the cash back and then get double with the jam doughy cash back app

I budget for everything. So I work out how much I’ll need for everything school holiday by week, Easter eggs, birthdays, Christmas etc. then I save a set amount per month. As others have said, your food budget could come down and you could use money for things I mentioned. I also prioritise big parties so I’m always on the lookout for cheap gifts for their birthdays or Christmas to bulk out what I get them.
Im currently keeping a look out in charity shops for books, games and summer clothes to put away for our holiday in summer.