Friends on weight loss drugs no longer want to split the bill... hmm

[CornflakeMum]

Just want a bit of a rant really... I know the answer will just be I just have to 'suck it up' etc but...

For many years I've been the friend in the group who doesn't drink much (I tend to drive due to where I live) and I've never had a big appetite, so often just have a soft drink or water and a single main course or salad.

Over many years I've avoided causing a fuss and just tacitly accepted that I'll be subsidising the meals of my friends who happily tucked into three courses and cocktails/wine and then cheerily announced 'let's just keep it simple and split the bill, eh?'

Two of the big eaters are now on WLIs and when we met recently they announced that they'd be getting separate bills, as obviously they won't be eating very much!

Anyone else had this?

YABU

I think you should have said something before. You shouldn't have had to subsidise their food.

Over many years I've avoided causing a fuss and just tacitly accepted that I'll be subsidising the meals of my friends

You have been an absolute mug for paying in the first place. I don't drink and there is not a cat in hells chance I would be paying for another persons alcohol. Why would you do this?

It must be annoying, but you should have spoken up before rather than accepting the previous bill splitting.

No, but I don't see what's wrong with it really if they're not eating much.

If you chose salad and a glass of water and were still happy to pay for their 3 course meals and cocktails/wine, that was your own choice.

Not a choice I would've made but there you are.

Perfectly fair. You’ve been a mug before.

Well, won't that save you money then? You'll only have to pay for your water and salad.

Whenever I've gone out with a mix of drinkers/non-drinkers that's always been accounted for so that drinkers pay more. It would have been fine for you to ask for this in the past as well.

I'm on WLIs and I am always happy to split the bill, but if people want separate bills that's fine by me too. As far as I can see, you'll benefit from this shift anyway.

Oh dear, you must feel like a right mug 😨

Still, it'll be cheaper for you now!

Yeah you’ve been a mug all those year, a few drinks with a meal costs the same as a meal! You’v e been paying double all these years!

YANBU but when they come off the injections and want to split evenly again you can just say that it actually worked better for you when you just paid for what you consumed yourself - like the way it has been split for the last 6 months.

I would not have been paying like that in the first place. I have always just paid for whatever I eat, or drink.

I think you should remind them that for years you split the bill - you can't turn back the clock but you can point out the injustice.

This. Use it as an opportunity to make a change. If you say no now then you'll be kicking yourself when things go back to how they were before!

I wouldn't want to pay for a bunch of stuff I didn't eat or drink.

Unless you're all ordering similar priced meals and drinking similarly it's fairer just to pay your share.

There's nothing wrong with the waiter just going round each person with the machine and you saying the items you are buying. Then split the tip or leave it in cash.

Very annoying, but your friends should have always suggested you put in less if not drinking. We always take off the alcohol before splitting the bill if everyone isn’t drinking. You should have spoken up like they have. Overall you’ll save money.

I always think it’s incredibly rude for people who have consumed more to suggest splitting evenly. In my circles there is usually acknowledgment of anyone who doesn’t drink or have pudding and splitting is only where everyone has had more or less the same amount. You were mugged off before but these people are now cognisant that they are spending £300 a month to be able to eat less. As others say, make sure you never go back.

Hmm, is this real or just another WLI goady thread?

If real, you should have been more assertive in the past like your friends are being now. Why would you pay towards friends who are eating a lot more and drinking alcohol? They’re also not friends to ask you to do that.

But surely they now must be eating similar to you with a ‘single main course or salad’, so it doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t split the bill, as it would work out very similar with either splitting or paying their own with you all eating similarly.

Over many years I've avoided causing a fuss and just tacitly accepted that I'll be subsidising the meals of my friends

Just check internally are you annoyed at yourself that you did, or annoyed at them that they won’t?
The answer isn’t to suck it up, it’s to learn to sit with the discomfort of not doing it.

Not a goady thread, I promise… more of a rant, as I said.
Yes, I accept I’ve been a mug, and I’m annoyed with myself for not being more assertive, but sometimes it’s hard to take back control at the end of a meal, especially as there are some ‘big personalities’ who tend to dominate and say ‘it’s £XYZ so that’s ££ each…’ straight off the bat.

You’re right though, this will be a useful leverage point in the future!

Both really! 😂
I’m not sure whether they’ve considered the irony of the fact that others (not just me) have been subsiding them over the years, before they made their announcement.
In my experience the folk who eat and drink the most are sometimes unaware of this fact.

"I’m not sure whether they’ve considered the irony of the fact that others (not just me) have been subsiding them over the years, before they made their announcement."

I doubt that they see it in such mercenary terms or are keeping tabs like this. It's a meal out with friends.

You don't sound like you actually like these people very much.

My friends and I split the bill evenly when eating out because that is what works well socially. As far as I know no one has ever resented it. I haven't even thought about it beyond not ordering overly expensive things. There was once one friend who kept tabs on the meal, only wanted to pay for her own and never contributed to the tip. People stopped inviting her because it was a bit awkward. She was very well off but just didn't like spending money.

Why don't you all just pay for what you've eaten or drunk? I often go out in a group, we let the server know we'll be paying separately and there's no issue. There are a couple of ladies who have three courses, a bottle of wine and coffees each. I just have a starter or a main and a soda water. My bill might be £15, theirs might be £100.

Start putting this into place, seems like a good time. Better late than never!

This! There is no bill splitting unless you all have same amount of course and all drinking.

Not sure of the issue here if you’re eating and drinking as little as you say, then surely they can’t be buying even less than a glass of water a single main course or salad.

im also not sure this isn’t just another way to dig at people on wli, people do get inventive with all their resentment and envy,

just pay for yourself.

No they were greedy and cheeky and now the boot is on the other foot! Damn right OP should be annoyed.