Friends on weight loss drugs no longer want to split the bill... hmm

[CornflakeMum]

Just want a bit of a rant really... I know the answer will just be I just have to 'suck it up' etc but...

For many years I've been the friend in the group who doesn't drink much (I tend to drive due to where I live) and I've never had a big appetite, so often just have a soft drink or water and a single main course or salad.

Over many years I've avoided causing a fuss and just tacitly accepted that I'll be subsidising the meals of my friends who happily tucked into three courses and cocktails/wine and then cheerily announced 'let's just keep it simple and split the bill, eh?'

Two of the big eaters are now on WLIs and when we met recently they announced that they'd be getting separate bills, as obviously they won't be eating very much!

Anyone else had this?

yes, this.

This!

They are only going what you should have done all along and I suspect your annoyance is largely down to the fact that they aren’t the walkover that you were.

Was your bill definitely substantially less before?

I have a friend who doesn’t drink but her 2 soft drinks and after dinner coffee cost the same or a little more than half a bottle of wine in most restaurants we go to.

Well that’s not the only issue. I agree that in this sort of situation you can be annoyed at yourself. But from the outside, you’ve got someone being a bit of a mug/pushover/whatever you want to call it, and someone who is supposed to be a friend taking advantage of that. Taking advantage of a friend’s nature to your own advantage isn’t very nice, even if ultimately the friend could also have spoken up.

Split the bill going forward.

Clearly not! And having eye-rolled and dismissed splitting the bill as a bit of a faff probably didn't want then to create the 'fuss' of asking for a menu to check prices.
Her message actually said 'it can't be right, I never normally pay more than about £65-£70!'

(Mine was £34 on this occasion)

You are the one who made that choice in the first place…if it bothered you you should have said something. Ive had surgery to lose weight but i am happy to split the bill equally with my friends as i can afford to and i know they don’t take the piss. However i wouldn’t hesitate to say something if i didn’t want to split the bill equally.

It can be difficult. I used to go for an occasional meal with a group of ladies. Most of us would be on water or soft drinks as we'd be driving. This one woman would get picked up and then order herself double whiskeys to go on the bill. As the other women didn't mind splitting, I would have felt awkward being the only one asking for a separate bill. I avoid going now if I know this particular woman will be attending.

Sounds like for going forward at least, your WLI friends have done you a favour. Now they’ve broached the paying for only what you’ve had rather than splitting the costs evenly. Hope you can continue to carry that forward and not get mugged off any more.

I’ve rarely split the bill and only would if we were having very similar eg something from the set menu and sharing a bottle of wine.

Them being on WLI is neither here nor there as like you say someone could order a small amount of food but drink alcohol which ends up costing a lot more.

It doesn’t sound as though you get a bad deal out of this and it was just more fool you for paying for people’s food and drinks to begin with.

If you can’t even suggest paying for your own because of ‘big personalities’, then these women are not your friends and I wouldn’t bother going out with them.

Just to be clear - not all my friends are like this! If I'm out in a smaller group of say 3-4 girlfriends we always just each pay for our own.
It's just the bigger groups where it becomes more of a problem.

To be honest, I'm wondering whether the people who were racking up the £100 per head bill REALLY weren't aware how much bigger their own share was, and the ones on WLIs have been shocked to discover how much they would be expected to 'overpay'.

Anyway, as people have said, this opens the way for more bill-splitting in the future!

You don't say how large the group is, but there is a big difference between one of 8 (ie you) wanting to pay separately, and a small group (the two dieters and you) choosing to create a second bill. I think these things are hard to do on your own, but as a group, no matter how small, it is different. The dieters are probably wishing they could be eating more and paying separately is how they justify still going out and not enjoying themselves in their habitual fashion. Just joined their small 'reduced bill group' and draw a line under the past.

I was answering your question of why the OP would expect the usual way the group handles bills to continue, and I hope my answer clarified that the reason is because, regardless of how it came about (and in this case it was because of OP's friends' own preferences, so certainly not OP inventing 'her own social rule', as you say), it's the established social norm within this friendship group, and it's not at all silly to expect your friends to not adjust the established norms of the group to always be to their benefit. It also seemingly has had consequences as OP says people were muttering about the change at the meal and OP has received messages from others querying the change of behaviour and querying how much they've had to spend on the meal; actions always have consequences.

OP also doesn't have to choose between being mad at her own or her friends' behaviour. You can be mad at yourself for going along with something when you didn't actually want to and at the same time be mad at the people who are putting you in an inconsiderate position. It's not an either/or situation.

I would innocently ask “ Can you remember what you had including any drinks?” I mean it is possible someone else has forgotten to include a side order or drink and she is paying for it, or - more likely- that’s actually what her bill is and she never noticed how expensive cocktails or whatever were as they were absorbed into the general split.

Yes, exactly this. And there's always the person (usually male I find) who unilaterally decides to order three starters and bread 'for the table' and yes to 'another bottle of wine' (which is often left half-finished at the end of the meal).

Yep this. It's very annoying but as others have pointed out, at least now you have an out

Have you pointed out to her that it used to be less because you were subsidising it for her??

You’ve been a mug. This is what you should have been doing.

Bizarre. I went out for lunch the weekend and thought my share of the bill was steep at 30 quid. So I checked my items against the bill and found it was indeed correct, and I’d just underestimated what they charged for the add ons I’d had. Wouldn’t have dreamt of not checking before insinuating everyone else had done me out of money. FWIW she could also look the menu up online…

@CornflakeMum I’d just say that in the past, you’ve often ended up over-paying due to not drinking etc but felt unable to say much/didn’t want to make a fuss. So now you are quite relieved others don’t want to overpay and have said something. Nobody minds splitting when it’s fare but some people take the mick. One of my groups, we started splitting drinkers vs non-drinkers for the reasons you’ve said.

you guys need to get splid or another bill splitting app, makes life much easier

Comfort yourself on the fact that the two on the fatty jabs might have lost weight but they’ll put it all back on … and more… when they stop! Maybe they don’t want to pay much as the fatty jabs is taking most of their disposable income every month!

In my experience the folk who eat and drink the most are sometimes unaware of this fact.

Do you really believe this? Everyone notices the price of their meal when they order it - it might not make a difference to what they order, but the price is right next to the meal on the menu. They know exactly what they are doing.

So much hatred in one post.