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Avoid care home fees by divorcing!

421 replies

champchomp · 25/01/2026 20:39

I know this sounds extreme but I’m thinking ahead. DH is a bit older than me and is having some health problems. We have no mortgage and he has a good pension and savings. I’ve seen instances where a spouse has entered a care home and the other one has struggled to pay the fees and had to sell up and use all the savings. Hypothetically speaking would divorcing and splitting assets protect some of the money and property. I know anything could happen between now and if my husband needs care but it worries me and we have children we would like to help financially if need be. I’d always be there for DH no matter what and visa versa. But financially does it make sense to financially separate/divorce if care is needed for either of us?

OP posts:
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Happyjoe · 26/01/2026 13:02

nicepotoftea · 26/01/2026 12:49

This is abuse, not care.

It seems to be standard sadly and good care homes actually stand out as a novelty.

MIL, 9 years previous was discharged to a care home (different) by the hospital, she died within 2 weeks. They didn't get her up, feed her (she had dementia and needed 1 to 1 meal times), make sure she drank. Wasn't taken to the toilet, wasn't checked on. She sat in spilled drink on the occasions she had the brain power to grab her cuppa for hours, left alone in her room which was quite far from the busy centre hub of the care home. She was in there because she'd broken her hip and the hospital, with social services involvement, discharged her too soon and FIL, who was her carer up to this point had a stroke at the same time and was told not to be her carer until he was better.

She had to pay out of her savings too, but when she died, I took social services, the care home and the hospital to task, massive complaint on her care. Her husband got an apology, a refund and the normal tripe of 'Lessons will be learned'. I will never, ever forget the sheer frustration at the hospital meeting, they were chucking her out regardless of her pain and mobility, or of FIL's ability to do anything to look after her. She couldn't walk, in so much pain too. It was cold, heartless and a horrific time and families are just left helpless.

After witnessing 2 people be mistreated, my OH and I have made a pact that we top ourselves before we get to this state.

Velvian · 26/01/2026 13:03

AgnesX · 26/01/2026 12:55

Why do you think it should be free of charge to those who can afford it.

As for taxes, are you absolutely clueless about the state of the economy.

Added to this, those of us working that would be paying for this care unlikely to have as generous a social care provision when we get to the late stage of our lives.

I doubt that the main home property will continue to be disregarded from a financial assessment if a spouse or partner is living there for residential care, or disregarded entirely for home care/respite care.

That's aside from the other economic advantages no longer enjoyed by working age people.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/01/2026 13:05

Some of the richest people in the UK are those owning and running care homes. Yet my neighbour earns £13 an hour working in a care home. People would be better directing their rage at those people (the owners) than someone who may simply be terrified they’ll end up with nothing if their spouse ends up in a home.

Velvian · 26/01/2026 13:14

maddiemookins16mum · 26/01/2026 13:05

Some of the richest people in the UK are those owning and running care homes. Yet my neighbour earns £13 an hour working in a care home. People would be better directing their rage at those people (the owners) than someone who may simply be terrified they’ll end up with nothing if their spouse ends up in a home.

Don't prosecute burglars as some people are murderers.

ThePure · 26/01/2026 13:16

VillaDiodati · 26/01/2026 11:53

Better to be earning well in the ME than scraping by in the ever increasing shitshow that is UK.

I personally could not live and work in a society whose values are so far removed from mine where low income migrant workers are heavily exploited by autocratic obscenely rich people with inherited wealth and power, human rights are not a concept, women are chattels and it’s seemingly OK to kill journalists or people who disagree with you. I’ll take my chances in this shit show that is at least a democracy where everyone has rights

Fruitpastelsyum · 26/01/2026 13:20

champchomp · 25/01/2026 21:52

I’m not the only person who feels this way. Why are some people so shocked by this. We are looking to protect what we’ve earned. Why should we be penalised for earning and saving and wanting to leave money to our children. Whether you pay for care or the council you get the same care. I hear what you are saying. Our taxes pay for those who can’t afford care but why is that fair to those who have to pay who have already contributed to others via taxes. The whole care system is unfair. A bit like the dentist situation but that’s an argument for another day.

Why do you think you should get to keep what you earned instead of
using it for your needs and the rest of us paying for you?

Thats the shock

Allseeingallknowing · 26/01/2026 13:20

OP no one can make you pay for your husband’s care- they can’t make you !

Itsmetheflamingo · 26/01/2026 13:24

VillaDiodati · 26/01/2026 12:27

Racism as far as I'm concerned is making assumptions based on skin colour. You assumed that because my cleaner is a brown skinned lady she must be a 'slave' Because she has brown skin,in your eyes she must be a slave,a victim of exploitation without agency. Your assumptions are very,very wrong and I find them repulsive. I'm 'triggered' as you put it because I'm absolutely furious on her behalf that someone like you would look at her,see her skin colour and think she was a victim a mere 'slave' So yes,I'm fucking 'Triggered'

you knew your housekeeper is a brown skinned lady. Do I know that? No. So it’s not possible to be racist in this scenario.

just think about it for a second 😭

ThePure · 26/01/2026 13:25

Gloriia · 26/01/2026 12:40

Everyone I've known to have been in one seems to be 3 yrs plus and I've never known any LA cough up for the high fees or a posh place once the funds from a sale have ended. The residents are swiftly moved to a cheaper place. Where are these LA who keep folk in country manors lest there's any bad publicity?

If very wealthy with limitless funds yes I'd go for the high end place but from the sale of an average family home I'd go for the average place then the LA will take over when the pot is empty. Or, just protect your home in the first place with a trust.

Edited

Not bad publicity for the LA. Bad publicity for the care home.

The LA will not and cannot agree to pay higher fees. It’s the publics taxpayers money. The care home however can choose to accept the lower LA fee until the person passes away and many of them will do that so as to avoid getting a reputation for cruelty or profit over people which would be bad for business.

And people can dispute 2 years average as much as you like but those are the facts from official data. It’s an average and some will be more and some much less.

Chisbots · 26/01/2026 13:30

We just wanted our PIL looked after in the best place for her, happy that the "our inheritance" is going to pay for this.

Crikeyalmighty · 26/01/2026 13:31

MikeRafone · 26/01/2026 12:53

Private equity firms and investors are extracting approximately £1.5bn annually from the UK care home sector in various forms of returns to shareholders
. Analysis reveals substantial profits, with over £256m in profits made by providers in just three English regions between 2021 and 2024, with more than one-third owned by private equity or tax haven-based firms.
Key Findings on Care Home Profits:

  • High Profit Margins: Private equity-backed firms in the children's care sector have achieved profit margins averaging over 20%, generating hundreds of millions in profit annually.
  • Dividend Payments: During the first year of the pandemic, 122 private care home companies paid out £120m in dividends to shareholders.
  • Debt Loading: Private equity firms often load care home providers with debt, which can lead to instability in the sector.
  • Tax Havens: Some firms shift profits to tax havens while declaring losses in the UK, as seen with some operators of UK care homes.
  • Investment Activity: While investment peaked in 2021, private equity firms continue to find the sector profitable, with millions in interest payments going to these firms.
The involvement of private equity has raised significant concerns about the diversion of public funding away from care services and into the hands of investors.

and we wonder why council tax is rising by 5% each year and pot holes haven't been filled - its due to private equity funds ripping us off

I honestly think that the care home sector needs bringing back into state control and effectively a compulsory buy off somehow of all the private sector - and bring them all back to a similarish standard and care standards , it’s too important to be left to market forces for what is for many an essential service that people are paying for . Self funders are being fleeced, councils being fleeced and then people wonder why standards in everything are crap at local level . I also think the disparity of those that have assets and end up losing a huge chunk if not all and those paying nothing is hugely unfair - my personal solution would be something like this - first 80k of assets can be taken for care - after than insurance kicks in which we all pay into at 2% on tax ( and is then ringfenced) this insurance can be utilised either for care homes, some live in care if appropriate or daily carers etc - I’m sure most people would prefer paying 2% on tax, than suddenly lose £240,000 in 3 years of a care home. Would stop I think too a lot of this dubious trying to get round it. Also surely it’s unfair on councils where homes are much less value and the councils needing to step in a lot quicker to fund people . The very areas that often have more problems anyway .

Fiftyandme · 26/01/2026 13:36

champchomp · 25/01/2026 21:02

Why should anyone have to pay the crazy prices care homes charge. Average care costs £1700 a week! That’s not even 1 to 1 care. If you want that you are talking £500 a day plus bills. No point having savings or your own home for it all to be eaten away. We want to leave what we’ve earned yo our children. Those who don’t have savings etc have everything paid for by the state after spending a lifetime of living of the state. We have paid taxes for years. DH has paid ALOT of tax on his earnings.

Excuse me????

You think everyone who doesn’t have savings and assets have spent a lifetime living off the state?

I find your wish to deprive your assets so that you can use the state to pay for care whilst blithely accusing anyone who cannot afford care home fees because they have no assets of having lived their lives off the state despicable.

also, trust me when I say that you don’t want to be at the mercy of social services deciding which care homes are suitable - leave that for the layabouts who’ve spent their lives living off the state, eh?

Allseeingallknowing · 26/01/2026 13:38

JustMyView13 · 26/01/2026 08:09

I find this mindset interesting, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t be thinking in the same way.

But it’s odd how we work all our lives, save for our future, and then when our future care needs exceed what we’re willing to spend, we don’t want to use our assets (which are no good to us once we’re dead) to continue self funding a comfortable life for ourselves.

If people have worked hard and saved, and hope to leave something to their family, yet someone who has never worked gets exactly what they the same care free, I can understand the resentment at seeing it drain away on care fees!

MikeRafone · 26/01/2026 13:38

Crikeyalmighty · 26/01/2026 13:31

I honestly think that the care home sector needs bringing back into state control and effectively a compulsory buy off somehow of all the private sector - and bring them all back to a similarish standard and care standards , it’s too important to be left to market forces for what is for many an essential service that people are paying for . Self funders are being fleeced, councils being fleeced and then people wonder why standards in everything are crap at local level . I also think the disparity of those that have assets and end up losing a huge chunk if not all and those paying nothing is hugely unfair - my personal solution would be something like this - first 80k of assets can be taken for care - after than insurance kicks in which we all pay into at 2% on tax ( and is then ringfenced) this insurance can be utilised either for care homes, some live in care if appropriate or daily carers etc - I’m sure most people would prefer paying 2% on tax, than suddenly lose £240,000 in 3 years of a care home. Would stop I think too a lot of this dubious trying to get round it. Also surely it’s unfair on councils where homes are much less value and the councils needing to step in a lot quicker to fund people . The very areas that often have more problems anyway .

I honestly think that the care home sector needs bringing back into state control

this ^

its bad enough with elderly car but children's homes are terrible, £20,000 a month to look after a child in a children's hoe and they get basic of everything - its a sin

Between 2020 and 2024 the cost of residential care for looked after children in England rose by 96 per cent. Yet the number of children in such placements increased by only ten per cent.
That should tell you everything you need to know about a market which has been described as “dysfunctional” and “unsustainable”.
Last year, councils spent £3.1 billion on children’s residential care, most of it going to private providers, some charging more than £60,000 a week for a single placement.
Local authorities warn the spiralling cost of children’s residential care is partly responsible for pushing them to bankruptcy.

basw.co.uk/about-social-work/psw-magazine/articles/childrens-residential-care-home-costs-scandal-how-we-got

ThePure · 26/01/2026 13:41

I would always advise people to choose the best place possible (not always the most expensive) and let their savings run down to the LA funding level by which time who knows what might have happened. I would not pick a cheaper place to make my money last longer because I am saving the LA money really and not myself. Still amazed to find people are paying privately for RI or inadequate care homes. That is a decision that is hard to understand. I guess the poor people may have been placed there from hospital. That happens a lot. If you are blocking a hospital bed you don’t get a choice.

For all those who think you’ll take a trip to Switzerland before it comes to you I have heard that said many many more times than I’ve actually seen it happen. In order to be deemed to have capacity to make that decision you kinda need to off yourself at the point of a dementia diagnosis whilst you still have a few good years left which few are willing to do in practice. By the time you need a care home you will lack capacity and it won’t be allowed. You can’t make a legal advance directive for euthanasia and even if the law changes as proposed you still won’t be able to. I did know one couple who died together in a suicide pact the day after a visit to a private Dr to confirm her dementia diagnosis but they are the only ones in over 20 years.

Luddite26 · 26/01/2026 13:45

Yes @ThePure a couple jumped off a cliff together in Whitby last year. Quite awful reading the inquest as the man had cancer and the wife seemingly hesitated.

Gloriia · 26/01/2026 13:45

Allseeingallknowing · 26/01/2026 13:38

If people have worked hard and saved, and hope to leave something to their family, yet someone who has never worked gets exactly what they the same care free, I can understand the resentment at seeing it drain away on care fees!

Exactly. Health and social care should all be covered by taxes.

We don't have to sell our belongings to pay for hospital care, same should go for care home particularly as those who aren't home owners do not have to pay anything.

Itsmetheflamingo · 26/01/2026 13:47

Crikeyalmighty · 26/01/2026 13:31

I honestly think that the care home sector needs bringing back into state control and effectively a compulsory buy off somehow of all the private sector - and bring them all back to a similarish standard and care standards , it’s too important to be left to market forces for what is for many an essential service that people are paying for . Self funders are being fleeced, councils being fleeced and then people wonder why standards in everything are crap at local level . I also think the disparity of those that have assets and end up losing a huge chunk if not all and those paying nothing is hugely unfair - my personal solution would be something like this - first 80k of assets can be taken for care - after than insurance kicks in which we all pay into at 2% on tax ( and is then ringfenced) this insurance can be utilised either for care homes, some live in care if appropriate or daily carers etc - I’m sure most people would prefer paying 2% on tax, than suddenly lose £240,000 in 3 years of a care home. Would stop I think too a lot of this dubious trying to get round it. Also surely it’s unfair on councils where homes are much less value and the councils needing to step in a lot quicker to fund people . The very areas that often have more problems anyway .

There is a lot here and a lot of it very good.

the only thing I would say is I used to work in organisations that owned care homes. 20 years ago there was a not for profit sector who ran care homes as well as a few straggling council owned care homes.

the truth is, it’s very, very, hard to make money in care homes (I was a senior finance person, so don’t know much about the service, just the money)
I didn’t work in any not for profit care where the service washed its face- it was generally subsidised by other services within the business.

from my pov the costs that made it not workable were:

  • salary costs (I’m a big fan of minimum wage and illegal working controls which have increased massively, but the truth is there is no cheap labour source) not for profits generally offered decent working conditions- sick pay, pension, things that could maybe be mitigated against with zero hours contracts or agency workers.
  • equipment
  • eventually, food (used to be much cheaper)
  • services that rely on labour ie gardening, caretaking, cleaning.
  • significant cyclical works to the building ie new windows
  • complying with building regulations is fire (including cost of retrofit)

these companies owned the buildings so they couldn’t make money even without paying rent (or course they were charged depreciation)

So how do private equity companies make money? Likely leveraging the assets to borrow against, cost of day to day running reduced by using very cheap labour and not investing in the building- I.e not “real” money

nicepotoftea · 26/01/2026 13:47

Gloriia · 26/01/2026 13:45

Exactly. Health and social care should all be covered by taxes.

We don't have to sell our belongings to pay for hospital care, same should go for care home particularly as those who aren't home owners do not have to pay anything.

So which taxes do you think should be raised?

Gloriia · 26/01/2026 13:55

nicepotoftea · 26/01/2026 13:47

So which taxes do you think should be raised?

Should be managed more effectively

Some people should not have to sell their belongings to pay for health and social care when others do not.

People have paid for their properties! If others decide not to buy a house fine but owners should not to pay for council's poor budget management.

CheshireCat1 · 26/01/2026 13:58

You can always look after him yourself if he needs care.

Ovalframes · 26/01/2026 13:58

PermanentTemporary · 26/01/2026 11:18

The community in Thailand sounds wonderful and goodness knows there is exploitation over here too. I’d say in general if you’re safe in a place with a pool and you’re not either going to fall into it and drown or pee in it because you don’t understand what it’s for, you aren’t in the kind of state where you’d need a care home anyway. I hope you don’t get thrown out of said community once you do reach that kind of state.

Yes it sounds wonderful. Until you get ill. Then it gets very, very expensive. The law is completely different so good luck trying to get home if you can't get a fit to fly certificate. You won't get a DNAR either.

ThePure · 26/01/2026 13:59

Crikeyalmighty · 26/01/2026 13:31

I honestly think that the care home sector needs bringing back into state control and effectively a compulsory buy off somehow of all the private sector - and bring them all back to a similarish standard and care standards , it’s too important to be left to market forces for what is for many an essential service that people are paying for . Self funders are being fleeced, councils being fleeced and then people wonder why standards in everything are crap at local level . I also think the disparity of those that have assets and end up losing a huge chunk if not all and those paying nothing is hugely unfair - my personal solution would be something like this - first 80k of assets can be taken for care - after than insurance kicks in which we all pay into at 2% on tax ( and is then ringfenced) this insurance can be utilised either for care homes, some live in care if appropriate or daily carers etc - I’m sure most people would prefer paying 2% on tax, than suddenly lose £240,000 in 3 years of a care home. Would stop I think too a lot of this dubious trying to get round it. Also surely it’s unfair on councils where homes are much less value and the councils needing to step in a lot quicker to fund people . The very areas that often have more problems anyway .

Andrew Dillnott thought pretty much the same as you but successive UK governments have not acted on his very sensible recommendations https://assets.kingsfund.org.uk/f/256914/x/1af839e519/briefing_dilnot_commission_2011.pdf

I think a tax/ insurance scheme would be great but there’s always winners and losers. You have to remember that for all the strong views this generates the majority of people (70% or more) die without ever using or needing any care so you bet they would all be moaning about being taxed for nothing.

3 of my 4 grandparents died without needing any care one young and tragically but the others into their late 80s and frail but able to be cared for at home. My granny did live in a care home for a few years before she died in her late 90s with dementia. She paid with her savings and it was lovely and she was well cared for. My mum has also died young. For the majority of people we will likely be lucky enough not to need a care home.

Gloriia · 26/01/2026 14:01

'the truth is, it’s very, very, hard to make money in care homes'

If you're a hca, true. Yet the owners all swan about in top of the range cars, kids in private school and own multiple properties so I think it is actually very easy to make money in care homes.

Happyjoe · 26/01/2026 14:13

Allseeingallknowing · 26/01/2026 13:38

If people have worked hard and saved, and hope to leave something to their family, yet someone who has never worked gets exactly what they the same care free, I can understand the resentment at seeing it drain away on care fees!

Yes, this is it. It does cause resentment and it's normal for people to try and protect their money.

My OH and I own our home. I've not had a holiday for over 20 years, old cars (until last year, my first ever young car!)... instead save and pay off mortgage. All paid off now, thankfully. So other people who don't save, enjoy their lives to the max, go on holiday, have their fancy TV's & sky sports or whatever and know that everything will be paid for in their old age does actually smart a little.

People say that those with money shouldn't have to be topped up by the state and get all pissy about it. BUT people can spend a lifetime being topped up by the state. Be it social housing, be it working allowances, signing on, child benefit for their children, winter fuel allowance, etc (of which I have never had any of) I can't help, now am reaching older age myself, think that what we've done is a mugs game now. I should've not worried and enjoyed the years spending instead.