How do you manage finances with husband and DC?

[Whatisgoingoff2024]

We have always had our own accounts where our wages are paid into. Then we send a percentage of our wages into a joint bills account that covers all household costs/ nursery and then another account for food shopping.

My husband has always been the higher earner so I’ve always paid less. He gets frequent bonuses that have always covered family holidays and I was fortunate it paid a large proportion of our wedding. I’ve always felt financially supported, he will pay for the majority of meals out etc with me paying for the odd one here and there.

Since going part time after our DS was born, I’m not in a position to save anymore as I’ve taken the wage cut. I use to be able to save around £300 per month which was my safety. My savings are next to zero now as I spent a large proportion through the unpaid months of maternity leave,

We got married last year and I can’t help but think that we would be much better making all accounts one. Then, having a fair distribution each of spends, saving a proportion jointly or separately.

The issue is that my husband doesn’t seem to be on the same page. We are due or second DC later this year and I feel so stressed that I don’t have a safety net behind me. We do have joint savings but we are planning to move house later this year. Whilst my husband pays for the nice things (holidays etc) I have never expected or asked for him to fund day to day costs.

On my PT wage after my bills, I have around £600 left which doesn’t seem to go far after petrol and days out with my DS.

My question is, do you have separate accounts? Or is everything joint?

If everything is joint, does this cause arguments? Do you manage to put aside your own savings?

I'm married and everything my husband earns is for our family. Everything I earn is for our family. It's all shared. I cannot understand being married and having a family and dealing with finances in any other fashion.

So out of interest, do you have your own personal savings for a rainy day? How do you buy surprise gifts for example?

When we got married , back in the dark ages , we opened a joint account and both salaries went into there and then I moved it about . I have always had complete control of our joint finances throughout our marriage , I went pt when I had children and retired completely at 48 due to health issues . My husband is only too happy to work and support us all and I still manage all the finances .

Exactly as @Ipsevenenabibas said.

If one of you is living well and the other is scrimping/skint/panicking then sonething is very wrong.

Joint checking for all bills and daily spending on us and kids
yes we argue about what to spend our money on, but rarely
Individual and joint savings accounts.
Joint savings is big things for us, for the house, for the kids- eg vacation, new car
individual savings are our personal money for hobbies, frivolous stuff.

When I was on unpaid maternity leave (US doesn’t have paid maternity leave), my husband covered 100% of the bills and daily spends. He was only one contributing to joint savings. I’m shocked you were expected to use your savings. The child is joint, so the care and costs should come from joint and as your income was zero, your contribution can only be zero.

I use my own credit card. That preserves the surprise while still being paid off from joint. When I was off work, we agreed on a budget, ie DH and I agree to spend $50 on each others birthdays or $300 on Christmas for the kid. Then I stick to that budget and use my credit card.

Sorry, I should add when on mat leave I topped up the 3 months statutory to a “normal wage” then my husband covered the 3 month period where I had no money coming in.

I do feel financially supported, I just feel stressed that I can’t save my own money. My husband tells me not to worry as he will always provide for us financially.

Im just not sure our current way works

Everything into and out of one pot. If he doesn't agree to this it's a massive red flag and then you don't downsize your career for kids and make sure he pays half the childcare cost.

All finances are joint and we pay each of us the same amount each month for personal spending - we are fortunate that we can set it at a level that each of us can put something into personal savings for things like gifts/ weekends away etc.

Everything other than personal spending is joint - that includes everything spent on our joint children.

Pay for some days out with DC from joint account. That would be reasonable.

I topped up the 3 months statutory to a “normal wage” then my husband covered the 3 month period where I had no money coming in.

Am I understanding this as meaning you each paid 50/50 of the costs of child care for a newborn? That’s not fair when he is the higher earner.

Ensure he pays MORE than half as he is the higher earner. It should be proportionate from each according to their earnings.

You might understand if one partner becomes financially abusive and empties the joint account on more than one occasion .
When I remarried, we kept separate accounts although had a joint account for bills.

Everything in together. We get some spending money back each (same amount) and can do surprises out of that. It also requires adult conversation. I’d like to spend more on holidays. Him on home tech a we have to negó to ate because we can’t afford both

i cant imagine not pooling resources

would your husband feel differently if you sat him down and said as you’re directly funding his continuing career, savings and pension, by ensuring he doesn’t have to look after his child, then you will be charging childcare rates?

Just to confirm he certainly pays significant higher towards the bills, He pays in £2000 and I pay in £1000. This is collective for all bills (mortgage, childcare etc).

Whilst on maternity leave I had 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory (I used personal savings to top me up to a normal wage), then 3 months unpaid my husband covered entirely.

How much ‘free’ money are you left with after bills and how much is your DH left with?

All money is shared, we did this when we bought a house together (before marriage and children). Never had an argument about money. We have separate ISAs for personal allowance, but it’s still joint money. We just use a credit card for birthday presents (we buy most things on credit for safety and points and pay off in full each month).

I have around £600 left for the month. It use to be much higher before the pay cut to part time so I could save £300. I honestly have no idea how much my husband has left because his monthly income varies so much depending on bonus.

He will tell me how much he’s paying into our joint savings. And as mentioned he pays for the majority of days/evening out.

He doesn’t spend lavishly on himself (that I know of!).

Always separate accounts. When I had the first (who is now 31), I had savings of about £30k. Mat leave was 6 months then and statutory pay was normal: 6 weeks on 90%; 12 weeks on stat mat - very little.

The first year or two were very tight but I bought everything we needed, kept a tally and the receipts and DH wrote me a cheque at the end of the month. Days out/activities with ds were very minimal. We did tumble tots, playgroup (a£1), story time at the library (20p), one o'clock club (50p?) and lots of park. In those days my hair cost tuppence and I got away with cheap and cheerful make-up. Clothes were jeans, leggings, T shirts and shoes - because most of my time was spent on the floor. Of course, dentist, contact lenses, occasional house stuff, cleaner, petrol, etc. Coffee shops weren't such a thing then, we went to people's houses and softplay was a once a month treat.

I kept my money for optional extras - occasional - I have never had the nerve to expect DH to pay for scent, a good handbag, etc, except as Christmas or birthday presents.

Went back to work when the youngest was settled at school, part-time at first, and gradually took over the dc's day to day expenses, obvs all of mine and then my car costs. At that point DH started giving me monthly housekeeping. He continued paying the big bills because by then his earnings significantly outpaced mine.

Over seven years, I spent about £5k of my savings.

We had and still have a similar approach to spending.

My husband tells me not to worry as he will always provide for us financially

Boak.

He just as well pat you on the head and tell you not to worry your pretty little brain about it.

You're a partnership. He's not acting like it. Hopefully that's because he's a bit hard of thinking and not because he's financially abusive but I would not let this situation continue.

We do what you do, but I still work full time (compressed hours); have a 1 year old. I’d never consider dropping my hours. I need my own decent income.

You need total transparency on all savings and accounts. Anything less is not on and you are not a team.

No there's no personal savings. There's savings, but it belongs to both my husband and me. If I want to buy something as a surprise i just buy it! I mean, my husband doesn't scrutinise the statements so it's not an issue! What is the point in getting married if everything isn't shared?

We are paid into our joint account. We transfer a certain amount from there into main savings, holiday savings, personal spends etc. yes we both have our own savings also though.

Everything goes in one pot here. I earn a pittance compared to my husband and I have nowhere near his disposable income if we did it proportionally or even 50/50. I joke my wages is food fuel and fun but in reality everything goes in one pot. We both have the same amount of disposable income “fun money” and the rest gets split between bills, sinking funds and savings and investments. They are mainly in his name for tax purposes but I do have a chunk in my name.