How do you manage finances with husband and DC?

[Whatisgoingoff2024]

We have always had our own accounts where our wages are paid into. Then we send a percentage of our wages into a joint bills account that covers all household costs/ nursery and then another account for food shopping.

My husband has always been the higher earner so I’ve always paid less. He gets frequent bonuses that have always covered family holidays and I was fortunate it paid a large proportion of our wedding. I’ve always felt financially supported, he will pay for the majority of meals out etc with me paying for the odd one here and there.

Since going part time after our DS was born, I’m not in a position to save anymore as I’ve taken the wage cut. I use to be able to save around £300 per month which was my safety. My savings are next to zero now as I spent a large proportion through the unpaid months of maternity leave,

We got married last year and I can’t help but think that we would be much better making all accounts one. Then, having a fair distribution each of spends, saving a proportion jointly or separately.

The issue is that my husband doesn’t seem to be on the same page. We are due or second DC later this year and I feel so stressed that I don’t have a safety net behind me. We do have joint savings but we are planning to move house later this year. Whilst my husband pays for the nice things (holidays etc) I have never expected or asked for him to fund day to day costs.

On my PT wage after my bills, I have around £600 left which doesn’t seem to go far after petrol and days out with my DS.

My question is, do you have separate accounts? Or is everything joint?

If everything is joint, does this cause arguments? Do you manage to put aside your own savings?

How different the responses on this thread - such as this one - are to yesterday's thread about the woman salting away £35,000 in a secret account, which was deemed absolutely fair on the grounds that women used to get paid less, it was her husbands fault because he smoked and maybe he was abusive.
Double standards at their very finest

*On my PT wage after my bills, I have around £600 left which doesn’t seem to go far after petrol and days out with my DS.•

how much are you spending on petrol? £600ish for toddler days out isnt too bad! What are you doing with them? I do know that at soft play could easily be £50 though!

I would say £100 per month on petrol. We usually do toddler gymnastics/swimming/soft play lunch out etc. Then I pay to have my hair and eyebrows done every 6 weeks which is around £120.

£600 doesn’t seem to go far, I mean I have no money left by the end of the month! But we certainly don’t go without either.

I didn't comment on the other thread so there are no double standards here.

Maybe aim such comments at someone who did comment on both? Otherwise it's kind of a non-point isn't it.

Married with 2 DC and Husbamd earns a little more than me, but we have our pay go into our own accounts, things like individual phone bills, car insurance, life insurance etc basically come to the same each month, we keep the same amount of spending money each, each month and the rest goes into our joint account to cover most expenses (mortgage, utilities, petrol, food etc)

We usually have a catch up each month on payday about whats coming up e.g. if the kids need new shoes/extra curricular payments/holiday payments/weekends away etc so we always make sure we have the same amount of spending money or put less into our joint savings acccount.

But we've always been very honest about money etc ever since we've been together so never really had his and her money, even more so since we;ve been married since its a team effort!

you should know where his disposable income is going - does he get a set amount and then th rest is into savings? Could he be topping up your pension or savings to ISAs for each of you?

We share our finances but we don't have a joint account. DH earns far more than me, has his salary paid into his own account, pays mortgage and bills from that, and tops up spending money accounts for me and him. I have my salary paid into my account and spend from that, and put most spending on a credit card paid off every month from DH's salary account. He tops up savings and investments evey year including pensions and ISAs. It's better for our admin not to have a single joint account. I have a lot of savings in my name, it's sensible to put as much in my name as we can to maximise tax efficiency.

We just see it as a big pot of money spread across several accounts (we have more individual accounts than that, I have one with each major bank) and it's not an issue who has paid for what. We don't get stressed about surprise gifts, neither of us is scrutinising bank statements looking at which shops the other has gone to.

We both transfer the majority of our earnings into the joint account/joint savings account. This covers all bills, food shops, petrol, time with kids, meals out etc. We keep £600 each for personal fun money which pays for things we do with our own friends solo ie hen dos, dinners, drinks etc & gifts to eachother.
We’re trying to save more at the moment so have temporarily moved that to £500.

Both our wages go into a joint account which pays the mortgage, household bills and anything else like cars, kids etc. same amount of x money is transferred into our own personal account for fun money just for ourselves and same amount of x money is transferred into our own personal savings account. DH earns triple what I do and I’m also about to go on maternity leave. This has worked for us for the last 15 years, we have no arguments whatsoever about money, there’s no his or hers money, it’s all shared.

Both salaries into one pot. All bills, food, joint fun money etc comes out of this. We then both get equal personal 'fun money' to do as we like with, in our own personal accounts so no scrutiny.

We have always just winged it and it has worked out fine and each have bills we pay and I transfer £ to DH towards the mortgage. He doesn’t have any savings, I do, but it is our money. However, now I out earn DH he is suddenly very keen for everything to go into and out of the joint account and then a personal allowance each 😂. I don’t mind either way as long as he does all the admin to change things, and he is going to get a shock regarding how much teen DD costs.

All our money is just joint money. I wouldn't have gotten married or had children unless this was the case as I never wanted to be in the position of having to ask for money.

We use the 'spaces' function on our banking app to appoint ourselves 'spending money', but it's flexible. If one of us has an expensive month we'll add extra to that pot to cover it.

Joint account and all money goes into that. He sends me the money to fill my stocks and shares ISA from our joint savings account that he fills up. We both work, but he is paid nine times more than me. I took career hits to allow him to push his and we both consider all money joint.

Dh and I have separate accounts, but all money is shared and there is complete transparency. All of our accounts, investments etc are on a spreadsheet and we both have full access so at any time he can see how much is in my account and vice versa. We have an annual budget for all expenses eg clothes, food, utilities, gifts etc and this is agreed by both of us at the beginning of the year.
For his birthday, eg, I will buy him a gift and this goes against the gift budget. I put most purchases on my credit card so he probably wouldn’t see it until after his birthday so still a surprise.
most of the time he has earned more than me (a lot more) but it’s always been our money because we are a partnership. Have been together for 38 years ans never argued about money.

All joint here. Both our salaries go into a bills account that all the essential direct debits come out of, plus transfers to pensions and savings. Then the rest gets transferred to our joint spending account.

We don't have individual savings as such - we consider them all joint. Presents etc we just don't worry about really. But that would be easily solved by each of you having an amount of personal spending money transferred to your individual accounts each month.

Over the years I've earned more, he's earned more, I took maternity leave and then a career break, he was made redundant - this approach has served us well throughout.

I'm quite troubled that you're worrying about how you're going to afford your maternity leave. Your new baby belongs to both of you, how to manage that time is both of your responsibility. As are the ongoing costs for your children.

Do you feel like you have an equal say in how your finances are run and what you spend money on as a family? I think that's the most important thing, rather than whose name is on the account.

We have a joint current account which both our wages go into. We both get paid a similar amount even though I am part time.
All bills, food, insurance, pension, pocket money for DD, transport etc is paid from here.
We then put money into a joint savings account and then split what's left (currently about £500 each).
This is transferred to our own accounts and we can do what we wish with this, save or spend. This allows us be on an equal footing, and to save jointly and individually.
If there were to be a very expensive emergency which outstripped our joint savings then we would add our own savings to it.

We only have one bank account, and one credit card. DH never spends any money so I spend it all 😅 no arguments because we agree on what is worth spending money on and what is not i.e. Kids shoes worth spending on, a fluffy coat they will wear once not so much.

All our savings are in my name because I'm the one who set them up, and we are not so super rich we need multiple ISA or premium bonds, there is no danger of us being near the maximum!

I think where you’ve got caught out is that you topped up stat mat pay with your savings, so now you don’t have any and the pay cut means you can’t save.
Can DH not put £300 a month directly into your savings to even things out?

We have a joint account we each put an agreed amount into - all bills, mortgage, baby expenses, groceries, petrol, days out etc come out of that.

We have separate current accounts where our salaries get paid, and separate savings/investments.

Historically I’ve been the higher earner, but we earn the same now I’ve gone PT on return from mat leave.

Not married though!

Exactly as @Ipsevenenabibassays.

Everything in one pot. All savings are joint. We do have a personal bank account each and we both take about £100 a month each. This is for whatever we want to buy for ourselves like clothes or make up and for buying each other gifts. If we go out with friends we will generally use the joint account for socialising etc.

We actually did this as soon as we bought our first home and moved in together. Which was pretty unusual 18yrs ago. I also earned more than double what he did for many years but to me it’s our money.

I know the odd person that does it differently and it bemuses me. One friend was skint on maternity leave and wld say oh I can only afford a coffee I can’t do lunch. We were both in mat leave at the same time and I just felt awful for her, would treat her to lunch sometimes. Ofcourse her partner still had all his money and was doing whatever he wanted with it while his partner was struggling.

I would say we are very similar to you- husband pays significantly more into the joint account, pays for all savings and holidays etc.
the joint account pays for all car related expenses, although we only have one family car.
after I have contributed to the joint I have approx £650 left, and I save at least £250 of that. If we go out as a family my husband pays, if I take the kids out myself I pay. My husband probably does have more disposable income than me, but it’s not something that really bothers me- if I need more for any reason I will ask.

Everything has always gone into a joint account. Always been a large wage disparity, and it’s never been an issue. Kids coming along made no difference. If either of us wants something relatively low cost we just buy it. If there is an expensive purchase we discuss it. Nice and simple.

We don't do the one pot thing, but everything family related comes out of the joint account. Everything! Food, bills, petrol, toiletries, days out, clothes for dc, school lunches, childcare, etc.
No way should you be spending personal funds on the children. You also shouldn't be supporting yourself on mat leave, that should also be a shared expense.
You should have savings and a pension in your name only.
DH earns as in a week as much as I do in a month, we've been together 28 years, married for 24. It works really well if you do it properly.

I don’t work outside the home but we organise finances as; I hold all savings in my name (helpful for tax). I have tallied up monthly costs of classes for DC and me and DH transfers that cash to my account so the direct debits come from there. He rounds that amount up so build a bit of extra savings up gifts for him come from there so he can’t see when I’m treating him! Daily spending is on credit cards in my name but he pays the bill monthly.
Pre-kids when I was working we paid into a joint account, proportionate to our earnings to cover bills. It was regularly adjusted as my income never moved by a huge amount, but he climbed the corporate ladder quickly so took on more of the burden.
If DH didn’t want to pay me for the labour I do within the home, I would get a job and he would be paying the childcare bill.

Always had a joint account from the very start. Never had any problems with this. Hubby earns at least 3 x times what i earn.