How do you manage finances with husband and DC?

[Whatisgoingoff2024]

We have always had our own accounts where our wages are paid into. Then we send a percentage of our wages into a joint bills account that covers all household costs/ nursery and then another account for food shopping.

My husband has always been the higher earner so I’ve always paid less. He gets frequent bonuses that have always covered family holidays and I was fortunate it paid a large proportion of our wedding. I’ve always felt financially supported, he will pay for the majority of meals out etc with me paying for the odd one here and there.

Since going part time after our DS was born, I’m not in a position to save anymore as I’ve taken the wage cut. I use to be able to save around £300 per month which was my safety. My savings are next to zero now as I spent a large proportion through the unpaid months of maternity leave,

We got married last year and I can’t help but think that we would be much better making all accounts one. Then, having a fair distribution each of spends, saving a proportion jointly or separately.

The issue is that my husband doesn’t seem to be on the same page. We are due or second DC later this year and I feel so stressed that I don’t have a safety net behind me. We do have joint savings but we are planning to move house later this year. Whilst my husband pays for the nice things (holidays etc) I have never expected or asked for him to fund day to day costs.

On my PT wage after my bills, I have around £600 left which doesn’t seem to go far after petrol and days out with my DS.

My question is, do you have separate accounts? Or is everything joint?

If everything is joint, does this cause arguments? Do you manage to put aside your own savings?

We have our own savings for tax purposes. DH bonus fills our individual stocks and shares isa etc.. We both have a budget every month and we can spend or save that. But our savings goals are joint so we don’t have our own really.

Whatever your financial arrangement around money if you are in a relationship and share children you should feel equally wealthy. This is what matters to me. If the arrangement you have makes you feel less wealthy than your DH then something is wrong.
You should also both have access to funds should something unfortunate happen to the other one.
In my family we don’t have joint accounts but all money is ‘ours’. I move it around with the aims of paying bills, maximising income and minimising tax plus making sure we both have access to enough in an emergency.

Dh earns double what I do
We do proportion into joint account
Proportion into joint savings
Left with the same amount of money for ours individual savings/spending

Anything from dc comes from joint money

Everything is joint and we've never had one argument over money. Dh is the higher earner, I found the initial conversations very difficult so he came up with a way to discuss it - we agreed what we wanted to spend on joint activities and what we wanted to save and the leftover was split equally as 'fun' money - for clothes or gadgets or whatever. He even gave me a generous make up & perfume budget at one stage.😂
Both of us always carried quite a big surplus on our fun money as neither of us were big into spending, so we just stopped monitoring that - our biggest spend is holidays and meals out now and we could easily go over on that.
We run a business together - dh manages the personal money and I manage the company money.
I have ISAs - I suppose you could say for a rainy day but it's not really a problem for us and as for gifts, we don't really do gifts, I'd rather chose my own stuff - I don't enjoy having to live with other people's taste. Dh buys me little things that solve life's minor irritations - which is sweet. Dh is not too bothered about gifts either.

We have savings in our own name to take advantage of tax allowances - but they are not considered as personal money - they are joint, I wouldn't considered withdrawing that money without discussing with dh.

With the greatest of respect, your DHbis the reason our way of doing things wouldn't work for you.

From the moment, DH moved in with me, everything went into one pot, with an equal monthly amount coming out to both of us. Never had an argument, 31 years later everything still goes into one pot, but most of savings are in my name to save tax. I had far more money behind me initially, DH has brought a lot more money in from work and I hesitance, it's always been considered joint.

An ISA each

I made money on a previous house sale and so did dh, we bought our current house together and kept portions back as our own. I add to that every month with whatever I don’t spend from my personal spends. So it slowly grows. He does the same. Our joint savings is the fastest growing though.

our personal savings are for us to do with what we want. For example I have over 60k in mine now, I’m getting a new car next week so I’m spending 25k of that. I didn’t have to consult dh, it’s my money so my decision

You didn’t have to consult your dh about the car purchase but did you anyway? Or was is not mentioned, you just came home with a new car?

I said… I think I’ll get a new car?! And he said “oooh what you thinking of?” And the conversation went from there…

We share all our finances and have done so for the last 40 years. All money is joint money even though it was my husband that earned it. We’ve never squabbled about money. We don’t consult with each other when we buy things generally although I might for larger purchases.
My husband manages all our finances and I manage everything else. It works brilliantly as there is almost no overlap. I can make major decisions without needing his approval.
i have access to all our financial information and we do have savings in our own names although that’s for tax reasons not for a ‘rainy day’

From the response to my post it seems our way is out of the “ordinary” and everything should be split equal despite the wage difference

I can't see anyone saying that, and it's not right anyway when there's a wage difference, especially when this is due to one of you doing more childcare (plus other domestic responsibilities).

The eventual aim should be for you both to have the same personal money, ie if go swimming or other days out with DC, that's a joint cost, so should be paid for from the joint account. Likewise their clothes etc.

Your personal money is for your clothes, hair etc and also to save for you, eg if you wanted something expensive for yourself or just because, not joint savings.

As it sounds like your DH is a higher rate taxpayer at least, there are tax advantages to joint savings being in both your names, plus using both your ISA allowances etc.