Feeling like I’ve failed because I don’t earn a lot of money. But neither do most people!

[bushproblems]

I’m going to come back to this thread daily and remind myself that the majority of the UK is not earning £100k+

In the past few months, I’ve been consumed with the feeling that I’m a total failure in my life because I earn below the average wage in the UK of £37k, . I don’t have £400k in stocks and shares and a maxed out pension pot. I have about £13k in my pension!

I’ve been looking around my house and it’s not a 4 bed detached with the huge living/kitchen/diner, bifolds and separate utility room, which is what I’m basing a “successful life” on, for some reason, and it’s been making me feel rubbish.

But actually, I have a lovely home! And yes it’s mortgaged and needs new carpet, but it’s actually perfect for me. I don’t know why I’ve got it in my head that I need more. My job is pretty boring and not very well paid, but it’s keeping the roof over my head and I’d be fucked with out it.

I’m not sure if anyone else on here has been feeling the same, because a lot of women on MN seem to have high paying, successful careers, but I definitely need to try and be more positive about what I do have.

Completely agree with this, the hardest I’ve ever had to work in my life is in a job I had for 2 months as a student. I was physically exhausted, given title respect, working conditions were hard. It gave me a real insight into how hard people’s lives are.

I try and focus on our health and general happiness.

Nothing wrong in your post and I’m an average earner whose friends all far out earn me. I don’t resent them for it. I know that if their gross salary is 2/3 times mine it doesn’t mean their take home pay is 2/3 times more.

There’s also location costs, my colleagues living in another part of the country have far nicer homes in the places they grew up for nearly half the cost leaving them with more to spend and do things with. I know I could have that if I moved but would need to leave the area I grew up in with my family and friends, change kids schools and friends and spend more coming back to visit.

Your post struck a cord with me. My cousin was always all designer bags and luxury holidays (though she is the most wonderful and thoughtful person). Her baby has spent 9 months out of the last 13 in hospital. I’m sure she would give up all her Diors and Chloes if that meant they could bring him home and now be constantly expecting to have to rush him back to hospital. Nothing is more important than health. Love to you and your family!

Do you know what op, we had no water for 2 days, due to burst pipes. I was raging because I couldnt get my bath! When the water eventually started coming through my taps I stood and thought how we (I) take the smallest things for granted.
Count your blessings darling and be thankful you are not suffering like many others are in the world.

I do understand.
Two of my siblings married into families with a lot of money, and own homes worth 5 x what mine is worth. It is a bit frustrating as we work similar jobs, but they can afford holidays, cars etc, that I can't.
I did really well at school and often wonder if I should have gone into a higher evening career. So my lack of money does sometimes bother me.
However, I am very good with money and always handle it well, so I have no fear of running out. I am also very fortunate to have children that I adore, a job I find stimulating, and strong mental health.
Whenever I see someone who apparently has it easy, I ask myself if I would really swap my life for theirs, and I wouldn't.
Money is such a weird thing. It comes and goes, and in the end it means nothing. Another thing I can't get my head around is older people large houses and lots of disposable income, while their children worry about making ends meet.
Wealth is very rarely about how hard you work, I feel. It is much more often about luck.

What’s the name of the app @LondonCheesecake it sounds really good

This is really good advice x

I work part-time for a charity so I am definitely not a big earner. I love my job and the flexibility, but sometimes I do look at others and feel a bit envious.

I don't always follow my own advice, but I think gratitude is the way to overcome that feeling. I can remember a time when I dreamed of everything I have now - two lovely kids, loving husband, nice house etc.

We have been house-hunting recently and I commented that the houses we really like are always £100k above our budget. The estate agent said that everyone says that, even the mega rich, so I think it's human nature to always want a bit more than we have. I'm working on gratitude and contentment this year (and doing a low spend January!)

"He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." — Socrates

ETA: I do also agree with the above about it being possible to earn more. I swapped income for flexibility, part-time hours and a cause I wholeheartedly support so that's the pay off and most of the time I am happy with that choice. If your choice isn't working for you it could be time to reskill or move on. I know that's easier said than done though.

That's a great start.

While there are benefits to social media, a substantial slice of it is intended to make you feel you need things that you don't, either through excitement or feelings of inadequacy. You can refuse to engage in that side.

Wealth doesn’t mean success to me…..I’m 61 and couldn’t imagine not going on holidays….what do your spend your money on?
I work 2 days a week ( took my nhs pension at 57)…..but won’t stop work any time soon as I need some’wealth’ to have nice holidays…..days out….and money to spend on kids and grandkids ( like to take them all on holiday with us each year and days out)…,,I wouldn’t feel a failure if I couldn’t do this…but it would make me sad

So @Cat1504 what about those of us who can never hope to do things like that? Who spend their money on their bills and then have nothing left over?

We don't actually exist! No-one with money can understand how others don't have much.
It's sooo patronising.