Feeling like I’ve failed because I don’t earn a lot of money. But neither do most people!

[bushproblems]

I’m going to come back to this thread daily and remind myself that the majority of the UK is not earning £100k+

In the past few months, I’ve been consumed with the feeling that I’m a total failure in my life because I earn below the average wage in the UK of £37k, . I don’t have £400k in stocks and shares and a maxed out pension pot. I have about £13k in my pension!

I’ve been looking around my house and it’s not a 4 bed detached with the huge living/kitchen/diner, bifolds and separate utility room, which is what I’m basing a “successful life” on, for some reason, and it’s been making me feel rubbish.

But actually, I have a lovely home! And yes it’s mortgaged and needs new carpet, but it’s actually perfect for me. I don’t know why I’ve got it in my head that I need more. My job is pretty boring and not very well paid, but it’s keeping the roof over my head and I’d be fucked with out it.

I’m not sure if anyone else on here has been feeling the same, because a lot of women on MN seem to have high paying, successful careers, but I definitely need to try and be more positive about what I do have.

I had to give up my professional career following a brain injury at 34.

I grew up poor but had just enough time after finishing university to taste what life on a comfortable salary was like. Fortunately not long enough to become accustomed to it!

I don't feel like a failure though, I couldn't be prouder of the challenges that I overcome daily, and that through my church and volunteering I can inspire and mentor others in really difficult situations in a role that I just wouldn't have any credibility in had I only ever known a life of ease and comfort.

The concept of hedonic adaptation really resonates with me, and I genuinely believe I am happier than many people who objectively have a lot more than me, not just money but the absence of chronic pain and physical limitations.

Remember also not to assume that when someone else has the thing you most want, that it makes them as happy as it would make you, because it almost certainly doesn't.

That sounds amazing. I wish I had the headspace to retrain (my passion is languages) but this pointless, well paid job takes up my time!

THIS

Yes, that is the big advantage of being freelance - even when it’s quiet and I don’t know when or where my next client is coming from I’m put off from applying for full time jobs because I’m so used to my time being my own. I hope things calm down for you somehow!

Also, things aren’t always what they seem. People don’t talk about their debt for example. I was walking the dog today and noticed so many houses with expensive cars out the front. But the houses were quite a bit cheaper than mine. I drive a pretty old car. On the surface maybe people would think the expensive car people are high earners but you never know. I’m not a particularly high earner, although fairly well paid, but looking at me and my scruffy car you’d probably never guess.

I own a 10 year old car, of the bog standard cooking variety. You can judge that. And we have a nice-ish house, but not in a swanky area. To two-thirds of the world, we are beyond minted. And so, I am contented with my world.

The median salary is about £39k per year in the uk. So around half earn less than this and around half earn more than this. If there’s a lot more high earners on here then they’re not representative of the uk population or they are exaggerating!

Money isn’t everything! Nobody is a failure if they don’t earn loads. Some choose to earn less as they don’t want the stress of management or being a “high flyer”. Some people’s life experiences got in the way and didn’t get qualifications, good luck, etc or other circumstances got in the way of their career such as childcare etc.

You can afford a nice house that you like…

Ah I earn a measly 28k a year, my DP is on about 40k. We rent our home, have barely any savings and certainly can’t afford big holidays/ fancy cars etc.
however our home is a beautiful 300 year old cottage rented from a lovely local estate which is literally a stones throw from the door. Our garden is gorgeous, we have a very cosy place with a log burner and outhouses. It’s on a no through road and the wildlife here is wonderful - we have hedgehogs, deer, game birds, 40 red kites currently at the end of the garden, hares, foxes, you name it. We have working dogs and a lovely life. We have enough to eat (game and venison from the estate is all free) and a roof over our head. We are lucky.

You're not supporting anyone, especially if you have children.

Great thread OP. Similar boat here. I grew up in a council house, extremely working class. I feel blessed to earn a below-average wage (which to me feels a lot), but to actually own my house! Completed the mortgage last year! Sure, it's not in the best area, nor the best house but I'm absolutely blessed. However, we definitely seem the poorest of all the parent/school friends and this is very obvious during playdates. One parent friend once said to me that they'd host due to our house being small. Wow! To me, our house is enormous!!! Especially given what I grew up in.

I doubt I will ever live in a detached/semi detached house with a nice garden. But happy with our lives. Seem to always be the poorest though! I often tell myself comparison is the thief of joy. We tell our children every day how lucky we are and celebrate our successes. We have food, heating, basic holidays, cheap days out (parks etc), craft with recycling materials. We make the most of it and definitely not flash with cash.

I’m 54 and I’ve never earned over £25k.

I pay tens of thousands in tax. Read in Times today that 29 million tax payers pay £12k each to support those on benefits and pensions.

As you should. Isn't it great that we have a system that means the most vulnerable are looked after.

Absolutely this. I am always saying how blessed we are to have good health. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Most people I know are on minimum wage to £35k, and I know a lot of people. It’s a different world on here

So looking oh the bright side you don’t have to pay that! There is definitely an argument to earn less - just enough to support yourself and your family and have a more chilled life rather than pushing it and earning more only to pay more out in tax?! Am self employed so think will put my feet up next week looking at it like that!

It has been your choice to push yourself and earn more.

It’s a balance isn’t it. The trick is having enough for a nice lifestyle but not so much that it’s pointless as you basically hand it over in tax.

Ha. Same. I work in a team who are all millionaires and yet I have no pension or savings and live next to people who deal drugs and have sofas in the garden. It is so jarring when they moan about some faulty gizmo on their Range Rovers and say things about going to Kenya on their third holiday because the ‘Caribbean is so dull isn’t it?’ (Is it? I wouldn’t know love 🙄)

Tax is pointless? I've heard it all now. 'Look at me - earning so much I pay back into the society that has evolved to make hundreds of thousand of people very poor and desperate, and keep said society at least running a little for those who aren't as fortunate as me. Ugh! NOT FAIR'
This is the attitude that makes us poor ole plebs very sad. I'd love to earn more to pay lore tax. Genuinely.

It’s not pointless but if you can choose how hard you work (self employed) and end up having to essentially give away what you earn above a certain level it’s pretty demotivating to keep up that pace. A family member (consultant dr) does the same. Downs tools if he gets near the level that means you have to pay even more tax. Such a stupid system.

I have a very good friend that I've been close to for 35 years. I have never felt any jealousy towards her, we are different people that chose different paths, although had a very similar starting point. A little while ago we had a conversation about the future and while she didn't say directly, I realised that her pension contributions are more than my annual salary! It did make me pause and think about my life, particularly my earnings.

I'm in a low paid job, it's very demanding but I enjoy it and I feel that I make a difference to others lives everyday. I have downloaded a free diary app and now write 3 things a day that I'm grateful for, or have made me smile. Sometimes it's as simple as getting home before the rain starts but all these things slowly shift your mindset to one of gratitude. I strongly recommend it and it's free 😃

Well I sure don't base monetary things on a successful life and never will yes we live in a bog standard 3 bed council house, hubby earns a bog standard wage at a supermarket, our bills are all fully paid, our cars are fully paid, we prefer no credit cards, we enjoy 3 holidays a year..have no savings out kids are happy we are happy our pets are happy and that's good enough for me

You've had a lot of posts on this thread talking about feeling contented with what you have, which I absolutely agree with in principal.

But, sometimes these feelings of discontent are also a push that we need to take the next step with our lives.

You've written about your salary, as though it is fixed and immovable. But how about using these feelings as a springboard to look at your next step up? You would love to be earning 40k, so how do you get there?

Think about what your boss earns. What would you need to do to get there? (eg if you work in a shop what skills and qualifications would you need to be a store manager? How do you get them?) Or is there a niche part of your role which you could expand on? (eg if you're a nurse could you train on something specific to move up a band?) Or could you negotiate more money (eg if you work in a company go in with some ads showing equivalent roles which pay more and ask for a pay rise)? Or could you move job? Or is there training which would increase your salary?

Money isn't by any means the only metric for happiness, but if, at the moment, the things which you're wanting are mostly material things, then using this as a point for career development feels sensible.

I'm surprised at the number of braggy posts on here - they really haven't read the room! Anyway, OP, the 2 things that stick out from your posts are that your job is boring (would it be boring enough to tempt you to look for something more challenging? I used to get such a buzz from a good day at work that it almost made up for the lower salary) and that you are not thinking about providing for retirement - it's really never too early to start.