Feeling like I’ve failed because I don’t earn a lot of money. But neither do most people!

[bushproblems]

I’m going to come back to this thread daily and remind myself that the majority of the UK is not earning £100k+

In the past few months, I’ve been consumed with the feeling that I’m a total failure in my life because I earn below the average wage in the UK of £37k, . I don’t have £400k in stocks and shares and a maxed out pension pot. I have about £13k in my pension!

I’ve been looking around my house and it’s not a 4 bed detached with the huge living/kitchen/diner, bifolds and separate utility room, which is what I’m basing a “successful life” on, for some reason, and it’s been making me feel rubbish.

But actually, I have a lovely home! And yes it’s mortgaged and needs new carpet, but it’s actually perfect for me. I don’t know why I’ve got it in my head that I need more. My job is pretty boring and not very well paid, but it’s keeping the roof over my head and I’d be fucked with out it.

I’m not sure if anyone else on here has been feeling the same, because a lot of women on MN seem to have high paying, successful careers, but I definitely need to try and be more positive about what I do have.

You’ve still got 3.5k left each month! Thats more than many peoples wage!

Practice gratitude for the blessings in your life.
Health is Wealth - don’t stress by comparing yourself to others with better financial situations. I’m the same, skint, and sometimes get sucked into friends envious, comfortable lifestyles but I try to stay humble and kind as there’s always someone worse off and scratch the surface of anyone’s lives and it’s not always as shiny it appears ..
Look at The Beckhams… 😳

This is not the right thread for this sort of post - read the room (and the OP).

Trying to make her feel better!

When you look at the high earner threads take a 0 or two of the end or slash it by 50 %.
Either people are lying or they are in/around London - where it may as well be a different currency. ( 1 London pound ~ 50p rest of the country)

The influencer types often are hiding things similar to MLM. They also have snotty nosed kids who scream at them as well as mortgage problems and bad hair/messy house days. They just edit those out!

Love your post, OP. So good to remember that a "successful life" isn't all about your bank balance.

Honestly, I've looked at some of the statistics produced by the likes of The Institute for Fiscal Studies and I think what we see a lot of on social media (including mumsent) is either a dramatically unbalanced exposure to the top 0.5/1% of earners, people who are in huge credit card debt trying to keep up with how social media has convinced them "everyone else" lives and people just out and out not being truthful.

Morning! I’m actively going to look at my life today and be very grateful for what I have. I have a garden, which lots of people don’t have, I have about £300 to last me the month for food and petrol etc, which is enough. I could do with some new bras though, but my boobs still have a home in my old ones for now.

I do still a bit of weight about not having any real savings or retirement fund, but hopefully I’ve got another 20 years to sort that.

feeling that I’m a total failure in my life because I earn below the average wage in the UK of £37k, . I don’t have £400k in stocks and shares and a maxed out pension pot. I have about £13k in my pension!I’ve been looking around my house and it’s not a 4 bed detached with the huge living/kitchen/diner, bifolds and separate utility room, which is what I’m basing a “successful life” on, for some reason, and it’s been making me feel rubbish.

I earn over 100k, have well over 400k in shares and savings, a healthy pension pot and a detached house. Still doesn't necessarily make you happy. You will always look at people and think they have a bigger house than you, more land, nicer cars, go on better holidays. True happiness only comes with being content with what you have. Not saying money doesn't matter, you certainly have a nicer life when you are comfortably off financially, but like they say, comparison is the thief of joy.

You are bombared with images designed to make you want more - it’s hard to resist , to reflect if you have everything you need

@bushproblems I enjoy read the original simple living/ minimalist blogs like Zen Habits, Be More With Less, Becoming Minimalist.
I've lived on a shoestring and I really appreciate being comfortable now, but that's because we no longer have to pay much mortgage and we don't have children in childcare. We still have an ancient carpet and the kitchen desperately needs work, but DH and I would both rather help our adult kids who are in the thick of it, rather than going on holidays and spending money on the house.
We can pay our bills and there's always food in the house for which I'm incredibly thankful. Most of our friends are similar.

For you maybe. I have a different experience. The hardest and most tiring work I’ve ever done in my life was minimum wage hospitality and retail. I’m now self-employed and earn between 70-120k depending on whether I can be bothered to work more than three days a week. Mostly I can’t (I set my own schedule as a consultant) so I earn closer to 70k because I prefer downtime and 8 weeks of holiday.

I’m sorry to OP if this comes across as bragging - I don’t mean it to be so, I passionately believe success is about designing a life that works for you and money isn’t the top priority. But I wish high earners would stop pretending it’s such a hardship and sacrifice and that low earners should be grateful not to have to use their brains or work 16-hour days because that isn’t the reality of every high-earning job at all. And if it is your reality, maybe working a bit less, having less money but a nicer life overall might be something worth thinking about.

thanks @Stompingupthemountain. I do actually have a high pressure, bleary eyed job where I don’t know if I’m coming or going, I’m just not paid very well for it 😂

Would you mind sharing what your consultancy involves?

Communications strategy in the climate sector

I think the best way to be greatful for what you have is to spend as little time as possible on the internet. Something I need to do myself.

Comparison is the thief of joy…you do you.

I think people maybe focus on high earners and just ignore everything else. I cold eyes it and every single thread about income shows oredominantly average to low earners, with a smattering of higher ones, which is in line with demographics and what you’d expect to see.

so I’m always surprised when people say it’s mainly high earners, I jist don’t see this, I see the opposite.

Ignore forums, social media such as this. People are either mega earners or on UC. A lot of it is fantasy and made up.

I do earn more than you, but you have a garden. I have never had a garden, because I’ve only ever lived in flats. You are much richer than me in that way.

This, definitely.

Exactly this!

My husband works for a family that owns three estates (country estates probably about 30,000 acres in total with multiple properties), a villa in Greece, a holiday home in the UK, brand new massive cars and kids at 45k per annum private school . My DH is on a really crappy wage. His boss will talk him about her incredibly rich friends (suggesting they're rich and she's not), with a straight face!!!

She is utterly clueless that she lives in a different world to the rest of us paupers and she pays his wage so she knows what we get! She actually asked for some help with something this Christmas because she was struggling with cashflow 😳

ETA she might have more than we could ever dream of but everyone fucking hates her as she looks down on people, no tradesman will touch the place because she never pays on time.

She might 'have it all' but she is a total C U Next Tuesday, a shitty human being that everyone thinks is a thick, nasty prat of a woman.

Well I agree with this. I earn over £100k and do very little hard work. My industry is made up of ‘knowledge workers’ who get paid a lot to bring thought leadership and alleged expertise to the table. There is a lot of fluff inherent in this: flying around Europe to attend events/webinars and pretending they are important, presenting meaningless slides and sitting through pointless conferences…My friends who work in healthcare or teaching work 10x harder than me and earn a lot less.

I would love to do a job I feel passionate about even if it meant actually working hard😂 I would at least feel as if there is a point to work. I’m bored out of my mind most days but as I have young DC and a mortgage in London I don’t think leaving my job voluntarily is an option atm.

It’s all relative… I’m happy in my terrace, wouldn’t want the responsibility of a massive house and garden and all that “ stay away from my pile” crap.
If you are covering your bills, warm and have a comfy bed then count yourself lucky. Step off the consumerist roundabout and embrace a simpler life, I get a feeling more people with loads of money etc are finding life stressful and going from experience to experience to avoid reality.
Shut your door on it all, pay your bills, keep your head below the parapet!!!

I’ve not looked on instagram today, to avoid all the clothes, houses and holidays but I do still have a bit of weight on me. I suppose it takes a while to get in to a new mindset!

Yes, this! So many webinars and conferences. I’d rather be in field-based conservation so I’m actually retraining to try and make that happen. It pays less than half of what I earn now!

I think we have to remember that most people only post the best bits of life, when I was younger and a lot worse off than I was now I never used to post about not being able to afford wifi or my phone bill.

I do remind myself that there are millions of people who would do anything for my life, not in a boasty way, I mean more like I have a roof over my head, I’m healthy as are my loved ones, my children eat everyday, they are clean, have clean clothes and a warm bed every night. We have access to healthcare, education etc I have a loving partner and family and friends. I am so so very lucky!

However, would I like a trip to the Maldives and a Chanel bag, absolutely!