How do I get out of being skint the rest of my life?? Disabled child, single mother

[StuckOrNot]

Hello lovely people, I could really do with some help!!

My DD (6) has a disability, her father and I were married but divorced when she was 3. Unfortunately, he was absolutely useless and offered no support, I was caring for 2 children essentially and lost all respect for him, so chose to split. Best decision of my life I feel, my life is much easier now that I am not in a relationship with the lazy git, but I have realised financially, I am fairly screwed?? Please help me to make a plan to not be skint the rest of my life!

Due to my daughter being disabled, she goes to a special school. The school day is 8.45am-2.45pm. There is no wrap around club, no holiday club. At all. Child's father works the most annoying job - a split shift meaning he only works part time (only gives me £100/month child support) and yet can NEVER do a school run. He is still living with family since we split. He also never wants to have her any extra in the holidays. He does have her every Saturday. I am at my wits end because how on earth am I meant to get a job around these hours?? I have been working self employed, trying to run my own small business for the past 3 years but I'm only managing to make £400 a month on average and obviously, not being employed, I'm not getting any paid holiday or pension contributions from an employer. Also my earnings are irregular and this sometimes throws my UC off and some months I am worse off than if I was not working at all - overall there is very little gain. I am 30 and am really starting to panic about retirement. I know it's a long way off, but my daughter may need to live with me through her adult life and I am not sure how I am supposed to work around this. Even if I get a job within the short school day, I am stuck when it comes to the holidays. My parents are unfortunately not in the best health the last couple of years and my siblings live too far away (and work full time anyway) so can't help either.

I don't own my own home either (me and ex-husband were saving to buy but didn't manage it before splitting and all savings went in the divorce essentially), so again am quite worried about what retirement will look like for me. I am currently on universal credit and carer's allowance, while my daughter gets DLA. I am managing month to month, being frugal (don't have a car, cheap rent atm, no subsciptions etc.) but long term, I have no idea what to do. Is this just my life now? I just don't want to accept this is it. I feel like I'm fairly clever/capable and would be more than happy to work, but just feel so stuck. Please help give me some inspiration - even if it's a very long term slow plan! Thank you 🙌🙌

In similar circumstances I worked as a part time TA. I did long mornings 9am-2pm. School holidays off.

your daughter’s disability is relevant here. Depending on what it is you may be able to find a childminder to take her.

Hi @Octavia64 thanks for the reply. I did see some TA positions going a few months ago but they were all full days - I will look out for part time TA as I'd actually be able to fit that into DDs school day.

What type of jobs have you done or do you feel qualified for? I guess the ideal would be a job you can do from home around your daughter’s needs.

Your council or combined authority may have advisors, training, bootcamps etc for entrepreneurial people such as you. Your best bet may be making your business more profitable or branching out in some way, to allow flexibility.

Have you become an expert in the disability and support for it? Could you offer training/consultancy in it?

@Desmondhasabarrow I would love to work from home but have never done office work so don't have a clue how to get into it? How would I get a WFH job? I used to work in a nursery but again the hours are too long (day nurserys being 6-6 for example)

Firstly is your ex paying the right amount of child maintaince. 100 a month sounds low. What type of self employment have you tried? cleaners are in demand. Is there any office type jobs can you can do part time hours 9.30-1.30 which pay better. Assume UC will top up part time wages. Can you open a SIPP and start saving small amounts a month note you said earnings were irregular but if you start a pension you might start feeling more secure. You say you have to cover school holidays that Is a major issue for any paid employment unless you work at a school consider school admin jobs, lunchtime cover etc.

@Summerhillsquare local support and training is interesting. I think I am struggling to think creatively so speaking to an advisor would probably be really helpful.

It’s so hard OP!

My son is in a specialist setting and it’s a mission.

We managed to contact a local school club and arrange 121 support for him to attend during school holidays. It is brutally expensive for the 121 but balances out for me being able to work the rest of the year and DLA covers some of it.

Working remotely has been key too but I have found it’s getting harder to get remote work as more businesses move back into hybrid or in office models.

My finances will never be what they could have been should we have not been in this situation but we can only do what is possible.

Sending massive hugs and strength.

Midday assistant in a school alongside your self employed income?

Apply for TA roles and whilst at interview stage, ask for flexibility on the hours. They may have existing TAs in school who want to up their hours and would be happy to take on a part time TA.

Ditto for school receptionist.

Casual work as a delivery driver - Amazon, Evri etc.

Maybe enquire about voluntary experience at your child’s school to stand you in good stead for any future potential roles.

@Lovingbooks yes it's the right amount of maintenance, he earns about £900 a month... absolute waste of space tbh. I did open a SIPP a few months ago as I realised I haven't got any pensions from any previous jobs at all! So started from nothing. Now have a couple hundred quid in there, but feeling so behind if I am also going to struggle to every buy a house aka still be paying rent in retirement. Cleaning is an option but will this work with school hols? Surely they will still want me to work through?

You might find that if you approach a local school and offer some days or hours that suit you, that there is something available there.

@Upthenorth so tough isn't it. Hope you are okay, thanks for the support!

I was thinking as self employed cleaner you can pick clients and your hours. Yes appreciate school holidays do you have any family who can help? By looking after a child if you recieve child benefit you will get NI credits up to them being 12. Have you an advisor through UC you could ask help look at training funded by job centre to up your skills.

Unfortunately not, my parents are getting on a bit and not in the best health themselves and siblings live far away. Have a couple of friends who will have her for tea occasionally, but can't lean on them for regular childcare in several hour chunks.

Are you good at cleaning? Would you enjoy it? I would look to open up your own, domestic cleaning business. Our cleaner has only been going 18 months and is already full and charges £20 per hour. You may be able to outsource the work to another local cleaner/s in the holidays, or look to take someone on once you’re established. Or, you could try and find a holiday childcare setting/ or au pair/ nanny for the holidays, put a bit extra away during term time to help cover it?

If you’re conscientious and (mostly) reliable, you could make a success of it and earn a decent wage.

We’re in a better place than a couple of years ago. The EHCP process blew my mind…

I have to say doing it solo, you must be a superhero! In honesty I don’t think I would still be working in your shoes so credit for the self employed role. 🙌

I'm going to be totally honest and say I'm probably not that amazing at cleaning! My house is clean as in the kitchen is put to bed every evening and I hoover once a week, but I don't go around polishing taps and just use basic cleaning supplies. My other issue is I don't have a car at the moment (trying to save money and all) although I suppose the extra earnings would pay for it at some point

My neighbour just invested in becoming a self employed driving instructor I know you don’t have a car but might be an option to earn. What kind of employment have you been undertaking? Retail sometimes have specific hours a Saturday for example.

My daughter is a teacher. She has a cleaner every week, but never during school holidays. This works perfectly for her cleaner who has the school holidays off to be with her children.

It's difficult isn't it.

The problem is Universal Credit. It's designed to keep you poor, which then forces you to do the minimum wage jobs - and also stops you from saving more than £6k.

Try to become self sufficient. Are you young enough to retrain for something? Something that pays well. Otherwise go the self employed route but again in something well paid which you'll probably have to train for. I know you're skint when studying but at least you'll only be skint for 3 years instead of for the rest of your life!

Could you look for a job in a school based nursery? At my kids primary, the nursery class does 9-12, and it would be term time. With nursery experience plus the skills you would have picked up caring for a disabled child, you'd be an amazing early years SEND suport worker/1:1.

Does/could your DD get school transport? That you'd give you a tiny bit more time at the start and end of the day, so might make 9am start doable.

if you not already done so Help to Save is a good scheme open to UC claimants. It might help build some savings.

Exactly this. Need to break past that barrier but it's so hard because in the middle part of earning a bit but not much, you're barely better off than not working at all! Need to look at the very long term I suppose and hang in there.

Oh now that's an idea - seems silly I didn't think of it sooner but think my brain is just so fried! Thank you for this 🙌

Don't know about superhero, I just feel burnt out at the moment! Glad to know things have gradually improved for you. Giving me hope! 🙌