Page 5 | Both work and we claim UC but still can't afford to live.

Mocha1 · 2025-09-26T21:48:11+00:00

We have 3 kids, 2 who aren't at school yet, my husband and I both work 30 hours a week for charities so not highly paid. We also have childcare for part of the week and then juggle the kids between us the rest of the time (We don't want to work more as we dont want the kids in fulltime childcare). We rent and down't own. We claim UC but we are still really struggling to make ends meet. We really try to live to a tight budget but I have no idea how to lower our expenses any more. Am I missing something? Is this normal? does anyone have any tips for saving money/ making more income somehow? I feel a bit at a loss as we keep dipping into our savings for just day to day expenses and we're nearly at the end of those. Our income at the moment (I'm on MAT leave) - £3980 Outgoings- £4250 Do these outgoings seem like a lot for a family of 5 living in the south west? I've been going over our budget and I have no idea how to save any more unless we literally never bought another birthday present or went to a soft play ever again.

PolkaDotPorridge · 27/09/2025 04:43

You don’t have the luxury of working part time. How have one of you not said hey, we need to work more hours because we don’t bring enough money in? There are people that are working full time and still struggle so why would you think you’d be ok?

Snorlaxo · 27/09/2025 04:47

One of you needs to go full time so you make st least your outgoings.

You also need to balance your priorities
Working in charity sector
Kids doing no more than 30 hours in childcare
Both of you working 30 hours
Living where rent is 1400pm

In 2025, child 3 is a luxury and it’s not offensive to say so. I have 3 kids but had them 20 years ago when everything was much cheaper but it was still tricky. Not sure we’d still choose 3 today tbh even though my child 3 is fantastic.

nearlylovemyusername · 27/09/2025 04:47

SpecsAndSlippers · 27/09/2025 02:22

I think people have been unkind and very judgmental. Three children with loving, caring parents - who knows how big an asset they will be to broader society in time. I wish you well and hope your finances improve. You sound sensible and will cope.

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These children might be an asset or might be another liability to society. So far we know that their parents model irresponsible decision making and doing what they want, not what needs to be done, and expecting other people to support them through their taxes. Children grown in such families rarely become assets for society.
I suspect UC top ups are strong consideration in OP's decision to work part time, more so than childcare.
So it's only fair that they are struggling, still very unfair that we're paying for them.

ETA: did OP mentioned ages of children? They should have about 2.5k left after rent each month. Assuming bills of 600-800 monthly it still leaves about 1.7k for food, cloths etc. With children preschool age it should be more than enough

Proudestmumofone1 · 27/09/2025 04:53

Genuinely can someone explain to me why choosing to work part time enables a family to claim UC?

Not aiming this at the OP - I don’t understand the system in general and how this works?

I would LOVE for myself and my husband to work part time and not use childcare for our ONE child. (Don’t worry, I won’t be doing it. But can’t understand how it’s the governments job to pay for this choice of part time work????)

Ohmygodthepain · 27/09/2025 04:57

An extra 10 hours a week, each, is going to add £800 to the budget at nmw.

You've made some choices which means your expenses are high. Now you need to make choices to reduce the expenses or increase income.

HappyHedgehog247 · 27/09/2025 05:01

Mocha1 · 26/09/2025 23:59

Wow, this got quite unpleasant quite quick. Thank you to those of you who have been genuinely supportive. I was going to post more of a breakdown of our outgoings but now I feel very vulnerable after some of the comments.

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

I think it's difficult isn't it because I'm a single parent tax payer helping fund your choice to have three children and both work part time in the charity sector . Both of those are valid choices but you're earning much more than me and claiming from the state.

Iwishthiswasnottrue · 27/09/2025 05:07

I am actually disgusted by your attitude and the fact that you are claiming money from taxpayers when it's YOUR CHOICE to not work full time, there should be a law against this!
You are unbelievably entitled.

crunchylamp · 27/09/2025 05:10

An extra 10 hours a week, each, is going to add £800 to the budget at nmw.

Really??

I get £12.60 an hour (above nmw) and work around 18 hours a week and get £800 a month after tax. How the heck does an extra 10 hours a week equate to £800? I want some of your coffee to do my sums this morning!

@Mocha1 we had 3 kids that we really couldn't afford, but life happens, and I do not regret one second of it. I worked part time until my youngest was in Year 4 and then full time for a few years. So many smug stupid comments on this thread. Yeah - you've got 3 kids - let's all have a go. What do posters want? For you to put number 3 back ? No - they just want to lecture you in order to feel smug about their own choices 🙄

In practical terms I would recommend going to the Martin Lewis site and do a full breakdown of your outgoings there. Posters there tend not to be so judgemental and sometimes have really good tips on budgeting.

onpills4godsake · 27/09/2025 05:18

Nursery fees are so high but understandably so as it’s the most important job in the world (looking after your baby)
i remember when my 2 were small and my wage literally covered child care (full time) and that was 2 in for 4 days a week.
Transport and fuel costs are also high but it’s a hard time you just have to push through
is there a higher paid job you could do or more shifts ?

pinkbackground · 27/09/2025 05:43

I think you need to work more. If you don’t want the kids in full time childcare then one of you needs to go out to work when the other comes home. The only way to sort this is more money coming in or less going out.

shhblackbag · 27/09/2025 05:49

pinkbackground · 27/09/2025 05:43

I think you need to work more. If you don’t want the kids in full time childcare then one of you needs to go out to work when the other comes home. The only way to sort this is more money coming in or less going out.

Seems to be common sense.

shhblackbag · 27/09/2025 05:51

Iwishthiswasnottrue · 27/09/2025 05:07

I am actually disgusted by your attitude and the fact that you are claiming money from taxpayers when it's YOUR CHOICE to not work full time, there should be a law against this!
You are unbelievably entitled.

I never understood that this was possible tbh.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/09/2025 05:55

But children cost a lot of money, and you've chosen (presumably) to have three. Whilst the cost of living has shot up, children have always been pretty expensive to house, clothe, feed, entertain, keep at an optimum temperature etc.

I suspect it is also not beneficial for them to be hungry or homeless, or living with people totally stressed out about money and racking up debt.

You need to pick which you prefer - lots of time with your kids but no money, fewer choices in what they get to do, etc... or work more and less time with the kids but more options.

verycloakanddaggers · 27/09/2025 06:08

Bobiverse · 27/09/2025 00:08

There’s something like 1.2 million families with 3 or more dependent kids. Compared to 7 million families with 1 or 2 dependent children.

Because 3 or more children is, and always has been, an expensive luxury.

One or two kids is most common. Because kids are expensive.

You sound like you want to do very holistic child rearing, but you can’t afford it. You could with two kids but you can’t with three. One of you needs it work more. It’s just how it is. You don’t have enough money which means you need to earn more… not really sure what else there is to say. Even if it upsets you, it’s true.

(Edited to use UK figures instead of figures from my birth country which was what I was familiar with).

Edited

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Because 3 or more children is, and always has been, an expensive luxury. This statement is clearly incorrect.

It has recently become common to describe having more than two children as a 'luxury', but families used to be larger than currently.

Currently we have a low wage economy plus high housing costs. It used to be possible to support a family on one standard FT wage.

thankheavensforcalpol · 27/09/2025 06:09

crunchylamp · 27/09/2025 05:10

An extra 10 hours a week, each, is going to add £800 to the budget at nmw.

Really??

I get £12.60 an hour (above nmw) and work around 18 hours a week and get £800 a month after tax. How the heck does an extra 10 hours a week equate to £800? I want some of your coffee to do my sums this morning!

@Mocha1 we had 3 kids that we really couldn't afford, but life happens, and I do not regret one second of it. I worked part time until my youngest was in Year 4 and then full time for a few years. So many smug stupid comments on this thread. Yeah - you've got 3 kids - let's all have a go. What do posters want? For you to put number 3 back ? No - they just want to lecture you in order to feel smug about their own choices 🙄

In practical terms I would recommend going to the Martin Lewis site and do a full breakdown of your outgoings there. Posters there tend not to be so judgemental and sometimes have really good tips on budgeting.

They said each, so 20 hours a week extra.

TooMuchBerkery · 27/09/2025 06:09

Givememycolouredcoat · 26/09/2025 23:30

I agree. I think your choice to have so many children is definitely a luxury and should’ve been taken into consideration if you are struggling a bit for cash

So in a system that allows the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer, only those who have money should have children. Or should only have so many. So the rich have reproductive freedom and the poor don’t?

wow.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/09/2025 06:11

It is hard, especially with childcare cost which are so high.

me and my husband both work full time. I would rather not to have my children in full time childcare and spent more time with them but I can’t as we can’t afford it.

NuovaPilbeam · 27/09/2025 06:12

Having a third child when you are low earners and neither of you are willing to work full time .... is a luxury. I mean if you are bringing in 2k a month each including UC you are on little more than minimum wage so are at the poorer end of the spectrum, its not really a surprise you feel it.

Childcare, housing, bills etc are all increasingly expensive for a bigger family.

Charitable sector pay is generally poor. Can one or both of you move to better paid work or retrain into a career with better earning prospects like teaching, IT or accounting

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/09/2025 06:14

Mocha1 · 26/09/2025 23:59

Wow, this got quite unpleasant quite quick. Thank you to those of you who have been genuinely supportive. I was going to post more of a breakdown of our outgoings but now I feel very vulnerable after some of the comments.

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

Whilst I agree with that you are also being incredibly offensive to those who have to do that and work fulltime to live.

TooMuchBerkery · 27/09/2025 06:19

Bloody hell.

So here we have a couple who are working for CHARITIES - no doubt doing good for society and raising the next generation who may go on to do the same.

The system is stacked against them financially. Anyone who can’t afford to buy a house is going to struggle more on a normal salary. That Rent is ridiculous. A mortgage would be far less.

If you pay rent then saving for a deposit is often too hard to do. It’s a vicious poverty making cycle.

Meanwhile the landowners get more and more wealth and more and more land and more and more wealth and it becomes a money making cycle.

Why are people angry with the OP and not the system that means despite a decent income (they earn more than me) they can’t afford to live?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 27/09/2025 06:21

zazazaaar · 27/09/2025 01:38

That 10 years ago was a completely normal thing. No one would have made rhe annoying face you did
But thanks to the stupid way this country has been run (predominantly by a tory government) this is where we are at. It wasn't the Norm for generations by the way that both parents had to work to survive. That is very very recent.

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This is very interesting the event of the middle class SAHP was a largely post war phenomenon. Working class women have always worked. The upper classes have never had to.

annon20251 · 27/09/2025 06:24

Mumsnet is such a toxic place. And we moan about kids online. Maybe look at the comments you ADULTS are saying. I feel sorry for the OP most of you should be ashamed

Roselily123 · 27/09/2025 06:25

Givememycolouredcoat · 27/09/2025 00:02

nobody has really been unkind. People are just starting to notice your outgoings and have commented on them as you asked for advice. Children are v expensive as you probs have realised already, most people would not have a third especially if both parents only have PT jobs.

the fact you don’t want to put them in childcare means you will not be able to take on extra work for more money, so I’m not sure what you want us all to say.

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I went back and read every reply and didn’t find anything unpleasant.
I would have loved a third child, but my dh had 2 already and we just couldn’t afford it.

Readyforslippers · 27/09/2025 06:26

TooMuchBerkery · 27/09/2025 06:19

Bloody hell.

So here we have a couple who are working for CHARITIES - no doubt doing good for society and raising the next generation who may go on to do the same.

The system is stacked against them financially. Anyone who can’t afford to buy a house is going to struggle more on a normal salary. That Rent is ridiculous. A mortgage would be far less.

If you pay rent then saving for a deposit is often too hard to do. It’s a vicious poverty making cycle.

Meanwhile the landowners get more and more wealth and more and more land and more and more wealth and it becomes a money making cycle.

Why are people angry with the OP and not the system that means despite a decent income (they earn more than me) they can’t afford to live?

I doubt a mortgage would be far less. Ours is a little more for a 3 bed.

Horses7 · 27/09/2025 06:30

Unless you find a money tree in your garden you need to
Get better paid jobs sadly it may mean harder work than now.
Work more hours and use more childcare
Dont have any more children

Sorry if this seems harsh, it’s not meant to be BUT you both have to live in the real world.
We both worked long hours, had two children as we couldn’t afford three. Our kids have turned out great and have a good work ethic. They’ve had to make choices about the number of children and don’t claim UC. A good thing really as if you think about it they (and me) are supplementing your part time work lifestyle and claims for UC. Where do you think UC money comes from??