Both work and we claim UC but still can't afford to live.

[Mocha1]

We have 3 kids, 2 who aren't at school yet, my husband and I both work 30 hours a week for charities so not highly paid. We also have childcare for part of the week and then juggle the kids between us the rest of the time (We don't want to work more as we dont want the kids in fulltime childcare). We rent and down't own. We claim UC but we are still really struggling to make ends meet. We really try to live to a tight budget but I have no idea how to lower our expenses any more.

Am I missing something? Is this normal? does anyone have any tips for saving money/ making more income somehow? I feel a bit at a loss as we keep dipping into our savings for just day to day expenses and we're nearly at the end of those.

Our income at the moment (I'm on MAT leave) - £3980
Outgoings- £4250

Do these outgoings seem like a lot for a family of 5 living in the south west? I've been going over our budget and I have no idea how to save any more unless we literally never bought another birthday present or went to a soft play ever again.

A 3rd child very much is a luxury 🙄. Of mine and my husbands friendship group then only 1 couple have 3, he earns about £120k but they still have to watch the pennies is our understanding. It’s lovely to have principles but in 2025 England with 3 children it’s not the place. You both need to work more in a nut shell

God. What is the point of highlighting three children. Should they give one back? Foul.

One or both of you need to work full time. I was a lone parent, paying rent, working full time and managed to make ends meet. You can't complain on here that you're struggling when neither of you work full time!

Don’t be daft, the poster didn’t suggest they give a kid back, they suggested the parents work more hours. It’s not rocket science.

You’re on maternity leave…so your husband should be working full time. And then you work full time when you go back, it’s not rocket science

In your case you sound happy with your life/ having no money but OP is not. She doesn’t want her and her partner to work FT as she doesn’t want her kids in childcare. Presumably you took advantage of childcare for your 3

Hey, with a bit of effort, you could be even more fucking offensive! "Close your legs"?! I thought that bullshit went out years ago.

I know you have ideas about why you don’t want the kids in full time care but needs must.

you have some choices. One of you goes back to work full time. One of you finds a second evening job. You go back to work early from mat leave

If you can’t cut down your expenditure then you have no choice but to find a way to work more. Or find a new better paying job

whilst you have ideas about childcare what would be better for the kids? More time in childcare or bills not being paid and being cut off or not able to eat

Agree that terminology is offensive. But surely you agree that 2 adults choosing to work part time with three kids is an absolute piss take when they expect the state to cover their costs?

People are harping on about the OP choosing to have a third. Maybe she didnt. Where did the OP say that she chose to get pregnant?

I am pro choice which means respecting both sides. If the OP had an unexpected pregnancy but her personal beliefs meant that she couldnt in all conscience terminate, then so be it.

That said, I do think that at least one parent needs to up their hours to increase the family income and a full budget needs to be looked at to cut at least that over spend. I am sure that there will be things that can be trimmed or removed.

The issue is OP doesn’t want to work more as she doesn’t want her kids to be in FT childcare. She has been pretty snobby about it.

We can't help you unless we know what you are spending on what each month

Pro choice - she rightly has a choice. So she did choose to have a third. Now they need to make choices to give their kids a good quality of life.

I’m sorry you are struggling. But children are a luxury not a necessity. To have 3 children on 4k a month is not a choice I would have made for myself personally. I would have never considered it on 2 part time jobs.

Who says that they "expect the state to cover their costs"? No one except you. The OP simply pointed out what they receive in UC.

Why isnt the argument, why cant 2 people bringing in almost 4k a month not manage on that amount? Because it isnt just them, hundreds of thousands of people are struggling in the same way because life is simply unaffordable. Housing costs have shot through the roof thanks to property hoarders, food costs have gone sky high, energy the same.....prices keep going up but incomes dont.

You need to have a good think about whats achievable. If you both work part time, there's plenty of scope there to up your income by taking on more hours. Its a bit unusual that you both work 30 hours.
If you are adamant you dont want to use childcare, you're going to have to manage with what you earn. Have a look at where you can cut back. If you've already cut back as much as possible, you'll going to have to get on with it.
Try using waste reduction sites, like Olio, where you can pick up free food, clothes etc. Batch cook, and try to avoid anything pre made. No biscuits, cereals,crisps etc etc. Use the time you dont work to get thrifty!

Need to see your budget and expenses before we can help you

You could relocate to a cheaper area as it doesn't sound like you have the wages to support living where you do.
Why can't 1 of you work proper full time hours at least?
You must have known finances were stretched before having a 3rd child. Many people earning much more decide against this as they want to be able to provide a certain lifestyle for the family as it exists.
Don't know what magical solutions you are hoping for. You don't want to work anymore and have cut out all you can think of cost wise, but want more spare money. Sorry but the only answers is earning more by 1 of you putting in the graft that many of us has to. Or reduce the cost by moving somewhere affordable.
Sure most would love to only work 30 hours a week and still afford to live with money spare each month, but we can't as we have responsibilities that need funding

Extraordinary you can't solve this yourself by ... working more hours to earn more money to support the family you chose to have.

Is the £4K a month including the universal credit, and does that include what they pay towards your rent?

To break even, you just need to shave off £300 a month of your outgoings. Without seeing them it’s impossible to say what you might be able to reduce. Whilst on ML, your income may be lower but your outgoings can drop a bit too.

We chose to have 3 children, all teens now, so our food bill is bigger than our mortgage now, but the mortgage is only £900 a month and will be paid in 2 years. Our joint income is about £5K take home now, and we have a lifestyle we are happy with.

When the DC were small DH worked about 60 hours a week and I worked 24 hours over 2 night shifts. With working weekend nights, missing sleep, and my mum helping on odd days we didn’t have them in childcare until they were 2-3, even then only part time which was mostly covered by the 15 hours funding at the time. It’s definitely worth looking at working around each other, as even at school you won’t need wrap around care.

Only on mumsnet would someone be lambasted for having three children. This is not a communist country.
What if op had had a solo child and then second pregnancy was twins? Or first pregnancy was triplets?
I’ve never in my life heard of a third child bringing called a luxury and all these commenters saying we had to stop at two because we’re not rich. What absolute codswallop.
the woman is asking for budgeting advice not a bizarre group lecture on birth control .
two parents working 60 hours between the and paying nearly 1500 per month in rent is not unusual or feckless. It costs a lot to live now, that cost has risen hugely in the last couple of years, I’m sure had we all foreseen the increase we might have made different choices the rapid increase of property rental costs and food costs and utility bills is not the fault of op for having more than two children.
shes hardly milking the state .

One child is a luxury at present, never mind 3. My 30 year old daughter and several of her similar aged friends are childless, and would love to start a family, but the cost of living is just too high right now.
Honestly OP, it’s not what you want to hear, but at least one of you is going to have to work full time, or look at moving into higher paid employment. If you’re on UC then maybe there are some funded training courses/qualifications either of you could do to give you better career prospects.
You are very fortunate in the fact that you do have potential to increase hours/get an additional job which would put you back in the black. Very many families are doing that already and still struggling.

£4k a month sounds quite a lot! I live on half this with two kids, single mum

How the hell is that helpful?!
Honestly, what is WRONG with people?
The OP can put a kid back can they?

One of you needs to work fulltime. You need to juggle the hours, but it should be possible and avoid paid childcare. You need to be more flexible.