Page 31 | Both work and we claim UC but still can't afford to live.

Mocha1 · 2025-09-26T21:48:11+00:00

We have 3 kids, 2 who aren't at school yet, my husband and I both work 30 hours a week for charities so not highly paid. We also have childcare for part of the week and then juggle the kids between us the rest of the time (We don't want to work more as we dont want the kids in fulltime childcare). We rent and down't own. We claim UC but we are still really struggling to make ends meet. We really try to live to a tight budget but I have no idea how to lower our expenses any more. Am I missing something? Is this normal? does anyone have any tips for saving money/ making more income somehow? I feel a bit at a loss as we keep dipping into our savings for just day to day expenses and we're nearly at the end of those. Our income at the moment (I'm on MAT leave) - £3980 Outgoings- £4250 Do these outgoings seem like a lot for a family of 5 living in the south west? I've been going over our budget and I have no idea how to save any more unless we literally never bought another birthday present or went to a soft play ever again.

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:21

No, it isn't.
OP is not playing any games.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 19:24

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:16

The whole benefits system needs an overhaul, pensions included, but for now OP isn't doing anything wrong in terms of entitlement/legalities.

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It's incredibly tone deaf though, isn't it, to come on to a public forum and say, "I've just had a third baby, DH and I both work part time because we don't want to work full time, we get universal credit but we still can't make ends meet."

At the end of the day, they have made a choice not to maximise their income, and a choice to have a third baby.

They can't take the third baby back for a refund, which means that "earn more money" is really the only answer to this conundrum.

I don't know what she expected people to say.

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:29

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 19:24

It's incredibly tone deaf though, isn't it, to come on to a public forum and say, "I've just had a third baby, DH and I both work part time because we don't want to work full time, we get universal credit but we still can't make ends meet."

At the end of the day, they have made a choice not to maximise their income, and a choice to have a third baby.

They can't take the third baby back for a refund, which means that "earn more money" is really the only answer to this conundrum.

I don't know what she expected people to say.

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I expect honest suggestions made in a kind way would have went down better than the viper type responses from some.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 27/09/2025 19:30

Bobbieiris · 27/09/2025 07:54

Wow OP I’ve read a couple of pages of replies to your question and people really are arseholes aren’t they lol. Honestly! I come from a family of 4 children and my parents were always on a very tight budget, I myself have twins and am planning to have a third.
im sorry I don’t have any answers for you. I have considered looking for work I’m a school or training as a child minder in the future to work around school holidays etc. I currently work in healthcare as a band 6 and haven’t had a proper look at if it would balance out better yet. Have you considered something like that?
my rent is £900..my landlord wanted to increase it and I said no way! Partner and I are planning on moving somewhere cheaper.
I’m sure you already do this but weekly budgets etc.
im sorry OP, the cost of living shit really is a joke isn’t it and I hope you work things out

Respectfully, are you planning for this additional child knowing you can afford it or not? OP cannot afford it and could work full time to help but refuses. Even 15 hours as a pair extra is a lot of additional money up for grabs that she feels isn’t worth it - but it must be if ends can’t be met?!

most people don’t have the luxury of just saying no to their landlord and then finding a cheaper place. Where I live, not near London, is £1200 for a 2 bed house. This isn’t big enough for most but is unaffordable to most.

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 19:33

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:29

I expect honest suggestions made in a kind way would have went down better than the viper type responses from some.

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She flounced on page one. There was literally no opportunity for anything constructive. She just wanted to be a victim.

Pricelessadvice · 27/09/2025 19:35

It was completely tone deaf to come on here and essentially say “We’ve decided to have 3 kids, work 4 days each, claim benefits because we don’t want to work more hours… yet we only bring home £4k a month and we can’t survive!”

Seriously, what did the OP expect!??

Working 4 days each is a luxury that most of us cannot afford. Even people with 1 child in many cases. I have no children and I couldn’t afford not to work full time!
The answer to OPs problem is right infront of her face. She just doesn’t want to know.

RememberDecember · 27/09/2025 19:36

Mocha1 · 27/09/2025 19:11

I am honestly so shocked and saddened by the personal attacks I have received on here. I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise. And you are within your right to make different choices. However, the personal judgments and attacks have been very hurtful.

My husband and I both work 4 days a week we also try and spend as much time as possible with our young children because we believe that is what is best for them.

I agree we need to make some changes to our situation that is why I was m, somewhat naively, reaching out for advice, from what I hoped would be a supportive network of other parents who understand how hard it is to juggle all priorities.

yes we claim UC, but if we both worked full time and our children were in full time childcare the government would also be paying for most of their childcare so we would still be reliant on the state. So how would that help? I do not agree with paying someone else, who the government is funding to look after my children for 5 days a week when I could work and contribute to the economy and also be with my children for part of the week.

I will not be responding to anything further on here. I hope you can please remember that I and other mums who have posted on her are real people. These posts have made the last 24 hours very distressing and I hope that other mums won’t have to go through the ridicule I have

I also went to 4 days when my kids my little as I agree that I didn’t want them in FT childcare. The difference is I wasn’t claiming benefits to facilitate that; we waited till we could afford to have children. This was also pre current childcare funding before anyone throws that up.

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:36

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 19:33

She flounced on page one. There was literally no opportunity for anything constructive. She just wanted to be a victim.

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Sure.

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:37

RememberDecember · 27/09/2025 19:36

I also went to 4 days when my kids my little as I agree that I didn’t want them in FT childcare. The difference is I wasn’t claiming benefits to facilitate that; we waited till we could afford to have children. This was also pre current childcare funding before anyone throws that up.

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Some folk wouldn't be able to have any children without some support, at least in the early years.

Kitte321 · 27/09/2025 19:41

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 18:58

Benefits are for those in need.

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Well constructed argument that 👍
or…
You could have universal benefits (like many Nordic countries), people contribute through taxes and receive public goods in return — e.g., subsidised childcare, free education, universal healthcare.
Means testing and limiting access to only the “needy,” can create stigma, bureaucracy, and political vulnerability.
By making benefits universal, they are seen as a right of citizenship rather than charity.

My view - everyone contributes, services like childcare, healthcare, or public transport are not redistributions from rich to poor but rather a social investment. A great example is subsidised childcare as it helps working parents across income levels, reduces gender inequality, and grows the economy (since more people can work).

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:47

Kitte321 · 27/09/2025 19:41

Well constructed argument that 👍
or…
You could have universal benefits (like many Nordic countries), people contribute through taxes and receive public goods in return — e.g., subsidised childcare, free education, universal healthcare.
Means testing and limiting access to only the “needy,” can create stigma, bureaucracy, and political vulnerability.
By making benefits universal, they are seen as a right of citizenship rather than charity.

My view - everyone contributes, services like childcare, healthcare, or public transport are not redistributions from rich to poor but rather a social investment. A great example is subsidised childcare as it helps working parents across income levels, reduces gender inequality, and grows the economy (since more people can work).

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Start a thread about alternative systems if that's what you want to speak about. I'll not be joining you.

Hayley1256 · 27/09/2025 19:54

I think it was silly to have another child when you don't earn enough to cover your outgoings. You asked how you could make extra money but surely the answer is to go full time.

I've always worked full time and my DD9 is thriving and we have a great relationship. She loves her quality of life and I love that I'm going to be able to help her with key milestones as she gets older (car, uni, house etc).

Plenty of people make a conscious choice to have the amount of children they can afford

Dinosaursare · 27/09/2025 19:55

Mocha1 · 27/09/2025 19:11

I am honestly so shocked and saddened by the personal attacks I have received on here. I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise. And you are within your right to make different choices. However, the personal judgments and attacks have been very hurtful.

My husband and I both work 4 days a week we also try and spend as much time as possible with our young children because we believe that is what is best for them.

I agree we need to make some changes to our situation that is why I was m, somewhat naively, reaching out for advice, from what I hoped would be a supportive network of other parents who understand how hard it is to juggle all priorities.

yes we claim UC, but if we both worked full time and our children were in full time childcare the government would also be paying for most of their childcare so we would still be reliant on the state. So how would that help? I do not agree with paying someone else, who the government is funding to look after my children for 5 days a week when I could work and contribute to the economy and also be with my children for part of the week.

I will not be responding to anything further on here. I hope you can please remember that I and other mums who have posted on her are real people. These posts have made the last 24 hours very distressing and I hope that other mums won’t have to go through the ridicule I have

Well it would help you have more income
And help gdp as more productive members of the workforce

But that doesn't fit your narrative of having cake and eating it too..

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 19:57

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:29

I expect honest suggestions made in a kind way would have went down better than the viper type responses from some.

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Like what?

She said in her OP that they can't/won't cut anything from their budget and they aren't prepared to work more.

There aren't any magical solutions which don't involve her doing one or both of those things.

I think she needed telling.

Mind you, it seems to have been like water off a duck's back, given her latest update.

"I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise."

People aren't disagreeing with what she's chosen to prioritise, they're disagreeing with the fact that she's chosen to prioritise it and let everyone else pay for it. Most people who work full time would like to work less and spend more time with our children.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 20:00

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:37

Some folk wouldn't be able to have any children without some support, at least in the early years.

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Yes, OK, but nobody needs to have a large family if they can't afford it.

The reason for the third child benefit cap is that most people consider two children to be a reasonable number to have even if your financial circumstances are less than ideal.

Scottishlass10 · 27/09/2025 20:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 19:06

Regulating childcare costs in such a way as to bring them down to an affordable level would also require some level of subsidy, you understand that, right?

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Not necessarily. There could be a regulatory body that recommends maximum charges like utility companies etc, though I’m not sure how that would work in practice or how feasible it is as providers would have to agree which I don’t think they would do. I know from friends that nurseries struggle to cover costs as it is. At the end of the day it’s parents choice to use childcare.

Scottishlass10 · 27/09/2025 20:18

Mocha1 · 27/09/2025 19:11

I am honestly so shocked and saddened by the personal attacks I have received on here. I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise. And you are within your right to make different choices. However, the personal judgments and attacks have been very hurtful.

My husband and I both work 4 days a week we also try and spend as much time as possible with our young children because we believe that is what is best for them.

I agree we need to make some changes to our situation that is why I was m, somewhat naively, reaching out for advice, from what I hoped would be a supportive network of other parents who understand how hard it is to juggle all priorities.

yes we claim UC, but if we both worked full time and our children were in full time childcare the government would also be paying for most of their childcare so we would still be reliant on the state. So how would that help? I do not agree with paying someone else, who the government is funding to look after my children for 5 days a week when I could work and contribute to the economy and also be with my children for part of the week.

I will not be responding to anything further on here. I hope you can please remember that I and other mums who have posted on her are real people. These posts have made the last 24 hours very distressing and I hope that other mums won’t have to go through the ridicule I have

For what it’s worth I wholeheartedly agree with you and some of the comments have been vile and uncalled for. At least you can hold your head high and say you raised your own children which can’t be said for those whose children spend the majority of their days in childcare.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 20:18

Scottishlass10 · 27/09/2025 20:11

Not necessarily. There could be a regulatory body that recommends maximum charges like utility companies etc, though I’m not sure how that would work in practice or how feasible it is as providers would have to agree which I don’t think they would do. I know from friends that nurseries struggle to cover costs as it is. At the end of the day it’s parents choice to use childcare.

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I don't think there is a level you could set childcare fees at which would be financially viable for both the childcare setting and for the average family. The maths just ain't mathing.

It's stupid to say it's people's choice to use childcare. What are they supposed to do instead? They can't all give up work and just claim universal credit instead.

We need to make work pay. That means childcare needs to be affordable, and if it's not affordable without government subsidies (which it isn't), it needs to be subsidised.

RememberDecember · 27/09/2025 20:21

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:37

Some folk wouldn't be able to have any children without some support, at least in the early years.

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But what I and a lot of other posters are objecting to, is that OP is actively choosing to claim benefits rather than work to support her family, so the rest of us are paying for her decision to prioritise her family.

I can understand why she wants to do that, and plenty of us would like to, but that is being funded by people who are not making that decision, missing out on spending time with their kids and funding OP. It feels like a mockery of what the benefits system is supposed to achieve, and we are fed up of being played for mugs to fund it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/09/2025 20:22

Sadly working 4 days @Mocha1 doesn’t bring the money in. I get you don’t want kids in childcare all the time

tho why can’t one of you do a full time job /5 days as other look after kids so no childcare needed

or one work evening /nights

my friend did 6/1 for 3 nights a week for years while kids at school , in a local shop to earn extra money.

JLou08 · 27/09/2025 20:23

Mocha1 · 27/09/2025 19:11

I am honestly so shocked and saddened by the personal attacks I have received on here. I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise. And you are within your right to make different choices. However, the personal judgments and attacks have been very hurtful.

My husband and I both work 4 days a week we also try and spend as much time as possible with our young children because we believe that is what is best for them.

I agree we need to make some changes to our situation that is why I was m, somewhat naively, reaching out for advice, from what I hoped would be a supportive network of other parents who understand how hard it is to juggle all priorities.

yes we claim UC, but if we both worked full time and our children were in full time childcare the government would also be paying for most of their childcare so we would still be reliant on the state. So how would that help? I do not agree with paying someone else, who the government is funding to look after my children for 5 days a week when I could work and contribute to the economy and also be with my children for part of the week.

I will not be responding to anything further on here. I hope you can please remember that I and other mums who have posted on her are real people. These posts have made the last 24 hours very distressing and I hope that other mums won’t have to go through the ridicule I have

Sorry you had to deal with personal attacks. I think 4 days work is plenty. It's sad we live in a society where people think we should be working ourselves into the ground and shouldn't have the option to spend a good amount of time with our children.

Scottishlass10 · 27/09/2025 20:26

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 20:18

I don't think there is a level you could set childcare fees at which would be financially viable for both the childcare setting and for the average family. The maths just ain't mathing.

It's stupid to say it's people's choice to use childcare. What are they supposed to do instead? They can't all give up work and just claim universal credit instead.

We need to make work pay. That means childcare needs to be affordable, and if it's not affordable without government subsidies (which it isn't), it needs to be subsidised.

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I agree they need to make work pay and that’s a discussion for another day, but I stand by my point the government shouldn’t be subsidising childcare and it is parental choice whether to use it or not.So on that we’ll just need to agree to disagree.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 20:28

Scottishlass10 · 27/09/2025 20:26

I agree they need to make work pay and that’s a discussion for another day, but I stand by my point the government shouldn’t be subsidising childcare and it is parental choice whether to use it or not.So on that we’ll just need to agree to disagree.

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Perhaps working parents could just leave their toddlers in the car all day instead. That would also be a choice.

InformationEnthusiast · 27/09/2025 20:28

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 19:11

Claiming what you're entitled to isn't 'gaming the system'. HTH

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Finding a loophole in a system that is designed to help those genuinely in need, when you are not in need, you're just entitled - is gaming the system. It's the equivalent of dodgy lawyers that find loopholes in the law to get criminals out of their charges. They are still doing something wrong, whether they technically can or not. They do not need the UC, they just don't want to work full-time. That's not what it is intended for.

InformationEnthusiast · 27/09/2025 20:32

Mocha1 · 27/09/2025 19:11

I am honestly so shocked and saddened by the personal attacks I have received on here. I understand some of you may disagree with what we have chosen to prioritise. And you are within your right to make different choices. However, the personal judgments and attacks have been very hurtful.

My husband and I both work 4 days a week we also try and spend as much time as possible with our young children because we believe that is what is best for them.

I agree we need to make some changes to our situation that is why I was m, somewhat naively, reaching out for advice, from what I hoped would be a supportive network of other parents who understand how hard it is to juggle all priorities.

yes we claim UC, but if we both worked full time and our children were in full time childcare the government would also be paying for most of their childcare so we would still be reliant on the state. So how would that help? I do not agree with paying someone else, who the government is funding to look after my children for 5 days a week when I could work and contribute to the economy and also be with my children for part of the week.

I will not be responding to anything further on here. I hope you can please remember that I and other mums who have posted on her are real people. These posts have made the last 24 hours very distressing and I hope that other mums won’t have to go through the ridicule I have

You fully expect the full time working parents, that have to send their kids to childcare full-time, to sympathise with you? Seriously, you are not a victim here because people called out your behaviour. You need to listen to what people have said and seriously take it to heart. You and your husband need to get full-time jobs and stop complaining and acting like it's somehow confusing that you're not getting by. It's your own doing.