Page 12 | Both work and we claim UC but still can't afford to live.

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 08:15

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 08:12

Wow your bills are so cheap! Our council tax and utilities are double that! I won't even mention the mortgage 😅
Are your children very young? Because that food bill is teeny!
I'm impressed 👏

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@Digdongdoo Again I think its where you live ! We couldn't move to a different area because we would 100% struggle. We are fortunate to live in a very cheap area, but my OH wage does reflect that obviously. If we moved she would earn a lot more but all of our bills would shot up too 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

We have noticed by the end of the month we have used all the £500 so we're just about to jump that up to £600 and see how we go x

StrongLikeMamma · 27/09/2025 08:15

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/09/2025 08:04

I used to work in the charity sector and I loved it. When I moved in to the Private sector due to redundancy I was gobsmacked at how many more opportunities there were and much the pay improved, we have proper pay rises and bonuses. 5yrs on and my wages have doubled. I would advise one of you to do the same. You couldn't pay me to go back in to the charity sector.

How did you make the leap?

Silverbirchleaf · 27/09/2025 08:16

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 08:13

Yes, they exist.

I suppose you can call having a third child a luxury whilst you're deciding whether or not to have one. But once they are here, feeding them becomes a necessity so you have to cut back on other luxuries.

If you have no other luxuries to cut back on, you made a very poor choice to have a third child.

But the OP and her husband do have other luxuries to cut back on. One major luxury, in fact. Which is choosing to work part time in a low paid sector doing jobs they enjoy but which don't pay the bills.

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And cutting soft play, and going to the park instead.

Overtheatlantic · 27/09/2025 08:16

You both have three kids
You both work low paid jobs in charity
You both work part-time

That equation does not equal financial comfort.

RandomGeocache · 27/09/2025 08:18

Givememycolouredcoat · 26/09/2025 23:30

I agree. I think your choice to have so many children is definitely a luxury and should’ve been taken into consideration if you are struggling a bit for cash

And they both work part time.

nearlylovemyusername · 27/09/2025 08:19

I bet that if there wasn't 30h requirement for UC OP's life choices would be different.

This thread is yet another evidence of why the entire systems needs to be reformed.

GiveTheGoblinsSnacks · 27/09/2025 08:19

Givememycolouredcoat · 26/09/2025 23:29

Sounds like you may need to move somewhere cheaper

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And root the children up from everything they know? Anyway I live in one of the cheapest parts of the country and you would pay that for a three bed here.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 27/09/2025 08:20

Sarah2891 · 27/09/2025 07:56

Agreed. Some truly vile comments. A lot of bitter unhappy people.

Edited

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A lot of tired full time working people who haven’t the time to see their kids as much as the OP I suspect.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 27/09/2025 08:22

nearlylovemyusername · 27/09/2025 08:19

I bet that if there wasn't 30h requirement for UC OP's life choices would be different.

This thread is yet another evidence of why the entire systems needs to be reformed.

It won’t be reformed. They are announcing the lift of the two child benefit cap at the Labour conference - that’s going to cost taxpayers (the people that actually work) around 2.5 billion pounds.

HelenHywater · 27/09/2025 08:22

These kind of threads are so utterly predictable.

Look she's got 3 children now, so there's really no point telling her that's a luxury. And the reason working people are on UC is not because of poor choices, it's because salaries are too low.

So that aside, she needs solutions about how to increase her income or decrease her outgoings.

@Mocha1 I think your solutions are as follows:

either you or your H need to up your hours but do it around the children if possible.
You and/or your H need to get an evening or weekend job which can increase your income
on the reduction of outgoings issue - you do need to post these. But I'd look at rent - can you move. Can you get a lodger?
on the childcare thing - I think if you don't agree with formal childcare, I think that research shows that having a primary carer is what the children benefit from in early years and this doesn't need to be a parent. I personally used a childminder that I really liked and my children liked (I didn't have the choice about my hours as a single parent) and my children are now teens and I'm happy with my choice.

StrawberryFreckles · 27/09/2025 08:23

What do posters want? For you to put number 3 back ? No - they just want to lecture you in order to feel smug about their own choices 🙄

I think what I want is for the OP to be less surprised that two adults can’t work part time jobs and then have enough money to live on whilst supporting three small children.

BeHappySloth · 27/09/2025 08:23

Honestly, you have 3 children, including two pre-schoolers, and both of you are working part time in jobs which aren't highly paid.

I am not having a go, but I think you have made life choices which will inevitably make things tight financially. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, if that's what you have chosen for yourselves, but I do think you should probably recognise that this is a situation of your own making.

Going forward, if your savings are running out, you will either need to find a way of reducing your outgoings or you will need to increase your income, because it clearly isn't possible to sustain your current lifestyle if the status quo continues.

AgnesX · 27/09/2025 08:24

PurpleLeather · 27/09/2025 07:48

I didn’t marry a rich man, far from. I think her husband should be paid enough to be able to support all his family, that used to be the case. He should get a full-time job, her stay home and look after her own children and claim UC top ups as needed. Why do I think she’s entitled to claim UC top-ups? Because it’s not their fault the cost of living has been deliberately made unaffordable to most, it’s the governments.

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Maybe her husband gets paid what he's worth and if he worked 5 days a week then the family might have a better income.

It's quite the misogynist perspective that he should be paid more. So much for equality. As for UC top ups, how about just cutting your cloth to tailor your purse. This perspective that everyone should pay for other people's children never ceases to amaze me.

Statsquestion1 · 27/09/2025 08:27

@dontcomeatme yes your bills are very low. My mortgage and insurances are pretty much your entire income. Two things I noticed were…no other car costs? Fuel, MOT, tax? And tell me you both have life insurance?! Also, Where does holiday money come from?

adviceneeded1990 · 27/09/2025 08:29

Mocha1 · 26/09/2025 23:59

Wow, this got quite unpleasant quite quick. Thank you to those of you who have been genuinely supportive. I was going to post more of a breakdown of our outgoings but now I feel very vulnerable after some of the comments.

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

It’s also not beneficial to them to have parents who can’t afford them. If you are struggling for the basics how will you afford clubs, school uniform, to do play dates and feed extra children? Do they ever get on holiday? To the cinema or soft play? I’d choose full time childcare over not being able to give them any life experiences. You both work part time. Unfortunately, that’s your answer to your money problems. If you don’t want to change that then people will struggle to give advice other than move somewhere cheaper.

BeeDavis · 27/09/2025 08:29

Mocha1 · 26/09/2025 23:59

Wow, this got quite unpleasant quite quick. Thank you to those of you who have been genuinely supportive. I was going to post more of a breakdown of our outgoings but now I feel very vulnerable after some of the comments.

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

So how do you think all the children who are in full time childcare get on? They’re not all running round feral are they 😂😂😂

You have been irresponsible having so many children but working so little hours. Sorry but I didn’t want my child in childcare but guess what, I had to go back to work instead of relying on UC. You need to pay for your own children.

FullBl00m · 27/09/2025 08:30

Mocha1 · 26/09/2025 23:59

Wow, this got quite unpleasant quite quick. Thank you to those of you who have been genuinely supportive. I was going to post more of a breakdown of our outgoings but now I feel very vulnerable after some of the comments.

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

I don’t think people are being unkind, I think they’re being objective and perhaps dispassionate. Both partners working part time is a massive luxury. I totally understand not wanting to use childcare but it doesn’t seem you can do both in this situation.

How do other people manage?

increase working hours in current job(s).
one partner up skills to be able to get a better paid job allowing second partner to be SAHP
move to a more affordable area.
Limit the number of children they have.

Obviously the horse as bolted on the last. It appears compromise is needed and your childcare ethic is at odds with your ability to materially provide for your family, you will need to choose which is most important and make a sacrifice.

Some difficult decisions coming your way, good luck.

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 08:31

Statsquestion1 · 27/09/2025 08:27

@dontcomeatme yes your bills are very low. My mortgage and insurances are pretty much your entire income. Two things I noticed were…no other car costs? Fuel, MOT, tax? And tell me you both have life insurance?! Also, Where does holiday money come from?

@Statsquestion1
Tax is free. Fuel is £100 a month but we don't even use that, sorry I didn't even think of that my OH drives 😅
The MOT is once yearly so comes out of savings that we are allowed to dip into.
If we book a holiday we allocate a "new pot" and some savings goes into there instead.
I'm not entitled to life insurance. My OH has one x

It's not rich living by any means, but we're happy and comfortable x

Owly11 · 27/09/2025 08:31

You need to list all your outgoings if you want people to advise where you can cut back. If you haven’t done a detailed budget of every single expense, down to the penny, then that is the place to start. You will be amazed how seemingly small decisions and tiny amounts add up to a lot over the course of a month and a year. You also need to set a budget for each expense and not go over it eg if food budget is £150 a week and the trolley comes to £156 - put £6 worth of food back on the shelf. I’m sure it can be done - it will be hard work to start with but once it becomes habitual it will be easier.

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/09/2025 08:33

StrongLikeMamma · 27/09/2025 08:15

How did you make the leap?

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Redundancy pushed me out of the charity, it was also 2020 so there was a job panic, single parent, mortgage to pay, lockdown etc..... I worked in IT as a change manager so applied for similar roles. I actually went in on a more junior role that paid more than my more senior charity role. Now I have jumped up two pay grades and back to where I want to be and much much happier pay wise. The move was the defining moment that I started to move away from the benefits system and now I earn to much to claim any.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/09/2025 08:33

DarkForces · 27/09/2025 08:10

Unless @Mocha1 intends to move abroad I'm not quite sure how this helps. The benefits system in the uk pays more if you have children and op is claiming what they're entitled to. They now need to consider either increasing income or reducing costs, as posts on mumsnet aren't likely to become the basis of government policy. We're already on our arse financially as a country and people are fed up with calls for more taxes for full time workers when people choose to go part time and are propped up by taxes.

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My point was that subsidising the income of parents is quite normal.

Coconutter24 · 27/09/2025 08:35

bought another birthday present or went to a soft play ever again.

You need to look at your priorities and I’m sure you will save a bit each month. You’re currently overspending by £270 each month so why are you paying for soft play? Things like that aren’t essential it’s a luxury

Statsquestion1 · 27/09/2025 08:41

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 08:31

@Statsquestion1
Tax is free. Fuel is £100 a month but we don't even use that, sorry I didn't even think of that my OH drives 😅
The MOT is once yearly so comes out of savings that we are allowed to dip into.
If we book a holiday we allocate a "new pot" and some savings goes into there instead.
I'm not entitled to life insurance. My OH has one x

It's not rich living by any means, but we're happy and comfortable x

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How is car tax free? And why are you not entitled to life insurance? Sorry for all the questions.

DarkForces · 27/09/2025 08:41

Gwenhwyfar · 27/09/2025 08:33

My point was that subsidising the income of parents is quite normal.

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Yes. And we do. Not to the extent that op wants though.

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 08:42

nearlylovemyusername · 27/09/2025 08:14

They can't put N 3 back, but other people reading this thread might think about their future choices.

I'm sorry but unless your DH was high earner and you weren't on benefits, then working part time until Year 4 doesn't make you a role model either.

People need to live with consequences of their choices, otherwise there is no societal learning.

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Role models come in different forms. Telling others that your way is the only way isn't great either.