Page 10 | Both work and we claim UC but still can't afford to live.

Mocha1 · 2025-09-26T21:48:11+00:00

We have 3 kids, 2 who aren't at school yet, my husband and I both work 30 hours a week for charities so not highly paid. We also have childcare for part of the week and then juggle the kids between us the rest of the time (We don't want to work more as we dont want the kids in fulltime childcare). We rent and down't own. We claim UC but we are still really struggling to make ends meet. We really try to live to a tight budget but I have no idea how to lower our expenses any more. Am I missing something? Is this normal? does anyone have any tips for saving money/ making more income somehow? I feel a bit at a loss as we keep dipping into our savings for just day to day expenses and we're nearly at the end of those. Our income at the moment (I'm on MAT leave) - £3980 Outgoings- £4250 Do these outgoings seem like a lot for a family of 5 living in the south west? I've been going over our budget and I have no idea how to save any more unless we literally never bought another birthday present or went to a soft play ever again.

Roselily123 · 27/09/2025 07:46

SpecsAndSlippers · 27/09/2025 02:22

I think people have been unkind and very judgmental. Three children with loving, caring parents - who knows how big an asset they will be to broader society in time. I wish you well and hope your finances improve. You sound sensible and will cope.

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No they haven’t.
just realistic
lots of people would love 3 kids and work 30 hours a week, but want to be able to afford to feed , house and clothes them without worrying about money all the time.
Op’s only option is to earn more as she’s already cut back spending as much as possible
When my kids were little dh worked 60 odd hours a week in a physical job and I was part time.
we kept a float, but not until I went ft once kids got to secondly school , did we start to put money away/ save.
And that was before the coc.

Fargo79 · 27/09/2025 07:47

PurpleLeather · 27/09/2025 07:42

Poor woman, the OP that is. Came here for help and been verbally battered as so many here think 3 kids are a luxury. No. That’s the government propaganda machine engineering you all to think like this, just like with women working. In my opinion, a mother should be at home to bring her children up, not palm them off for someone else to be paid to look after them! Logic? No. But hey, this is the world now, women are badgered and belittled if they don’t work themselves to a frazzle working full time, cook amazing food, bonk like bunnies to keep their husbands happy, all whilst having hobbies and going to the gym. Get real.

i don’t have a job by the way, I also don’t have children and have been a full-time housewife for 30+ years. I do have 3 big powerful dogs and 2 cats and they cost as much as children (mine do, they get the best of everything) and take a lot of looking after and nurturing. However I work my socks off - baking all our own bread & sourdough, all home-cooked/baked food, look after all the finances, home related stuff (repairs, maintenance) I do everything! Husband earns the income, that’s it. How he wanted it when we got married. It works for us and has done for so many. It used to be the norm. How sad that women HAVE TO go out to work to survive nowadays, it’s wrong. Women should be able to stay home and bring up their kids and look after their husbands. Before you attack me for that last sentence … how many of you are divorced? Marriage is a joke to many nowadays and everyone seems to think working yourself into an early grave (men and women) is the answer.

No, getting rid of a govt. that has engineered the destruction of family, work/life balance and the ability for a man to support his own family is the answer. Engineered spiralling food prices, engineered out of control house prices & rents that are frankly quite ridiculous!! We are all being robbed blind and living through the biggest transfer of wealth in history and it won’t end well, mark my words. If we don’t do anything to stop attacking each other and realise the problem isn’t us, it’s them, we are doomed as a species and no, it’s not because of climate change (biggest con in history) leave the poor woman alone, she came here for help and as usual the MN hounds are ripping her to bits.

You have some good points. Unfortunately you are also every bit as judgemental and misogynistic as those you point the finger at. Two cheeks of the same arse. "Stop attacking each other" but also "a mother should be at home to bring her children up, not palm them off for someone else to be paid to look after them" 🤔

OhDear111 · 27/09/2025 07:47

It’s well known, surely, that people work part time and get the benefits others pay for. Not only that, when dc go to university, they get the full loan with no need for parent contributions. AND a bursary from the university as well if A level grades are high. Then there’s the FSM and PP money spent on dc at school. Then - housing allowance. Single parents might get this too. Even professionally qualified people give up and do a bit of charity work!

I can never work out why people have dc they cannot afford. Also lack of ambition is the thief of a better life. Wanting that great job that pays well is a good starting point.

PurpleLeather · 27/09/2025 07:48

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 07:44

So who do you think should pay for women who didn't marry a rich man like you did to stay at home and not work?

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I didn’t marry a rich man, far from. I think her husband should be paid enough to be able to support all his family, that used to be the case. He should get a full-time job, her stay home and look after her own children and claim UC top ups as needed. Why do I think she’s entitled to claim UC top-ups? Because it’s not their fault the cost of living has been deliberately made unaffordable to most, it’s the governments.

Puregoldy · 27/09/2025 07:48

Your rent is high compared to here. South East 3 bed 1100-1300. Could you move to somewhere cheaper. Personally I stopped at 2 because it’s expensive. I agree with not putting them in childcare full time. I think one of you needs to go full time. Could the other work evenings/weekend hours? For a few years you could work around each other. I think by the time your youngest is 2/3 you may need to consider more childcare if financially it’s not working. You need to make a change otherwise the debt will rise and rise.

ParmaVioletTea · 27/09/2025 07:49

From the research we’ve done, we’ve come to believe that it’s not beneficial to their development or long term wellbeing to be in full time childcare at a young age. I understand not everyone would agree with that. And I have honestly never heard of a third child being called a luxury.

But you can’t afford to live without other people paying for you. The social security system wasn’t set up to subsidise personal choices - it’s a safety net.

Between you, you need to work more hours or at least one of you needs to change jobs so that you earn more.

Motheranddaughter · 27/09/2025 07:50

PurpleLeather · 27/09/2025 07:42

Poor woman, the OP that is. Came here for help and been verbally battered as so many here think 3 kids are a luxury. No. That’s the government propaganda machine engineering you all to think like this, just like with women working. In my opinion, a mother should be at home to bring her children up, not palm them off for someone else to be paid to look after them! Logic? No. But hey, this is the world now, women are badgered and belittled if they don’t work themselves to a frazzle working full time, cook amazing food, bonk like bunnies to keep their husbands happy, all whilst having hobbies and going to the gym. Get real.

i don’t have a job by the way, I also don’t have children and have been a full-time housewife for 30+ years. I do have 3 big powerful dogs and 2 cats and they cost as much as children (mine do, they get the best of everything) and take a lot of looking after and nurturing. However I work my socks off - baking all our own bread & sourdough, all home-cooked/baked food, look after all the finances, home related stuff (repairs, maintenance) I do everything! Husband earns the income, that’s it. How he wanted it when we got married. It works for us and has done for so many. It used to be the norm. How sad that women HAVE TO go out to work to survive nowadays, it’s wrong. Women should be able to stay home and bring up their kids and look after their husbands. Before you attack me for that last sentence … how many of you are divorced? Marriage is a joke to many nowadays and everyone seems to think working yourself into an early grave (men and women) is the answer.

No, getting rid of a govt. that has engineered the destruction of family, work/life balance and the ability for a man to support his own family is the answer. Engineered spiralling food prices, engineered out of control house prices & rents that are frankly quite ridiculous!! We are all being robbed blind and living through the biggest transfer of wealth in history and it won’t end well, mark my words. If we don’t do anything to stop attacking each other and realise the problem isn’t us, it’s them, we are doomed as a species and no, it’s not because of climate change (biggest con in history) leave the poor woman alone, she came here for help and as usual the MN hounds are ripping her to bits.

You do you,sounds like a living nightmare to me

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 27/09/2025 07:50

I know it’s really shitty but having three kids is a luxury. You don’t work full time and wonder why you don’t have enough money? That may seem harsh to say to you but I worked two jobs (one full time and one almost as much as your whole job) as well as DP working full time and limited myself to one kid because that’s all I could afford so there will be a lot of people that simply think your struggles are the consequences of your actions. As time has gone on, the hard work paid off and it will for you eventually but you’ve made it harder for yourself.

also research actually shows that full time childcare is really good for kids in the right setting.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 07:50

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 07:45

At least one of you probably needs to work actual full time hours, because neither of you are currently.
It's pointless adding that '3 children is a luxury nowadays', because while it's true, they're here now!
Post an imcome and expenditure, if you're feeling brave, and maybe some of us can offer some suggestions.

Edited

I think it's relevant to the discussion.

If the OP and her husband had decided to stop at two children, they wouldn't be rich but they would be able to make ends meet right now. Having a third child is what has tipped the balance, making lifestyle choices which were previously affordable now unaffordable.

There are only two ways to have more money: spend less or earn more. Realistically with the cost of living crisis and another child to raise, it's not going to be easy to spend less. So they have to earn more. Their choice to both work part time in nice little charity jobs is no longer sustainable.

In Victorian times if you ran out of money and couldn't afford to feed your children you were sent to the workhouse. We need to stop acting as if saying, "sorry but one or both of you needs to increase your hours at work" is the equivalent of that.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 27/09/2025 07:51

It isn't necessarily the case that more work hours means more childcare anyway. The other option is for the children to be at home with one parent whilst the other works more, weekends and evenings perhaps.

Daaaaahling · 27/09/2025 07:53

A few ways to get extra cash (other than more hours):

Current account switch incentives. Money supermarket has some advice on this. May help to see you through mat leave. If you both switch maybe 5 or 6 times then between you, you'll be able to make up to about £2k over the course of maybe 6-12 months and it's untaxed income.

If you have a talent for it you could sand and repaint old free furniture and might be able to sell that on FB marketplace or the like for a small amount of untaxed income. May be more onerous and less well paid than just doing extra hours though.

One or both of you to pick up extra work as a carer doing night shifts on bank. But check your employment T&C's - they may frown on extra work with another employer whilst you are part time.

Make sure you are cooking low cost ingredients from scratch - ready meals and obviously takeaway really are very expensive.

If you have 2 cars can you cut down to just one?

Get on Vinted and eBay to buy the kids nice presents at low cost, but don't buy for each other. Have a word with relatives now about your Christmas budget and exchanging fewer gifts.

Get on money saving expert, money supermarket etc there's some really good advice there.

Bobbieiris · 27/09/2025 07:54

Wow OP I’ve read a couple of pages of replies to your question and people really are arseholes aren’t they lol. Honestly! I come from a family of 4 children and my parents were always on a very tight budget, I myself have twins and am planning to have a third.
im sorry I don’t have any answers for you. I have considered looking for work I’m a school or training as a child minder in the future to work around school holidays etc. I currently work in healthcare as a band 6 and haven’t had a proper look at if it would balance out better yet. Have you considered something like that?
my rent is £900..my landlord wanted to increase it and I said no way! Partner and I are planning on moving somewhere cheaper.
I’m sure you already do this but weekly budgets etc.
im sorry OP, the cost of living shit really is a joke isn’t it and I hope you work things out

Tastaturen · 27/09/2025 07:54

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 07:50

I think it's relevant to the discussion.

If the OP and her husband had decided to stop at two children, they wouldn't be rich but they would be able to make ends meet right now. Having a third child is what has tipped the balance, making lifestyle choices which were previously affordable now unaffordable.

There are only two ways to have more money: spend less or earn more. Realistically with the cost of living crisis and another child to raise, it's not going to be easy to spend less. So they have to earn more. Their choice to both work part time in nice little charity jobs is no longer sustainable.

In Victorian times if you ran out of money and couldn't afford to feed your children you were sent to the workhouse. We need to stop acting as if saying, "sorry but one or both of you needs to increase your hours at work" is the equivalent of that.

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Thanks for that lecture.
It's not great practical advice for OP now though.

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 07:55

PurpleLeather · 27/09/2025 07:42

Poor woman, the OP that is. Came here for help and been verbally battered as so many here think 3 kids are a luxury. No. That’s the government propaganda machine engineering you all to think like this, just like with women working. In my opinion, a mother should be at home to bring her children up, not palm them off for someone else to be paid to look after them! Logic? No. But hey, this is the world now, women are badgered and belittled if they don’t work themselves to a frazzle working full time, cook amazing food, bonk like bunnies to keep their husbands happy, all whilst having hobbies and going to the gym. Get real.

i don’t have a job by the way, I also don’t have children and have been a full-time housewife for 30+ years. I do have 3 big powerful dogs and 2 cats and they cost as much as children (mine do, they get the best of everything) and take a lot of looking after and nurturing. However I work my socks off - baking all our own bread & sourdough, all home-cooked/baked food, look after all the finances, home related stuff (repairs, maintenance) I do everything! Husband earns the income, that’s it. How he wanted it when we got married. It works for us and has done for so many. It used to be the norm. How sad that women HAVE TO go out to work to survive nowadays, it’s wrong. Women should be able to stay home and bring up their kids and look after their husbands. Before you attack me for that last sentence … how many of you are divorced? Marriage is a joke to many nowadays and everyone seems to think working yourself into an early grave (men and women) is the answer.

No, getting rid of a govt. that has engineered the destruction of family, work/life balance and the ability for a man to support his own family is the answer. Engineered spiralling food prices, engineered out of control house prices & rents that are frankly quite ridiculous!! We are all being robbed blind and living through the biggest transfer of wealth in history and it won’t end well, mark my words. If we don’t do anything to stop attacking each other and realise the problem isn’t us, it’s them, we are doomed as a species and no, it’s not because of climate change (biggest con in history) leave the poor woman alone, she came here for help and as usual the MN hounds are ripping her to bits.

Well OPs husband isn't rich and they have actual children, not dogs. So what is the point of your post? Not remotely helpful and your life sounds rather sad and limited.

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 07:56

HRFT but where do you all live that rent of over £1000 is reasonable ?
We are a 1 person income family and I'm a SAHM. My OH comes out with way less than OP, about £2k a month. We managed to buy property, save for us and all DC. Live comfortably, do things every weekend. Uk holidays every year. Make over payment on mortgage. Ya'll need to move 😅

Some outgoings need to go OP, look at things that are luxury, so sky TV, more expensive shopping like M&S etc. Try to live as cheaply and frugally as possible, and move, if an option haha x

Sarah2891 · 27/09/2025 07:56

annon20251 · 27/09/2025 06:24

Mumsnet is such a toxic place. And we moan about kids online. Maybe look at the comments you ADULTS are saying. I feel sorry for the OP most of you should be ashamed

Agreed. Some truly vile comments. A lot of bitter unhappy people.

TeaAndToddlers2023 · 27/09/2025 07:56

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/09/2025 07:31

There are good ways and bad ways of encouraging this though.

Doing something to bring house prices and market rents back into line with salaries would help enormously. (No idea how you actually do this though.) In the 1950s or even in the 1980s it wasn't unrealistic to have one parent as the sole breadwinner in a normal job who could afford to buy or rent a house big enough for three children and for their spouse to be a stay at home parent. Now couples frequently can't afford to buy even on two full time salaries.

Having more and better subsidised childcare would also be a huge help. I live in France where childcare is heavily subsidised. I pay 700€ per month for full time childcare for one child in a public crèche. This is the maximum price because I am a high earner. People on low incomes pay much, much less. And you get a discount for additional children. Two years ago I had two children in crèche full time and paid about 1200€ per month. But this also wouldn't help people like the OP and her husband, who choose not to work full time because they don't want their children in childcare.

In France you also get longer maternity leave and pay less tax from your third child onwards. This means that, although low earning families get cheaper childcare, high earning families probably have the biggest financial incentive to have a third child, which results in more third (or fourth) children being born into stable home environments rather than precarious ones. This is in direct contrast to the UK, where a high earning family who earn above the threshold to be entitled to any help really can't afford to have more than two children, because what with paying for everyone else through their high taxes and not being entitled to claim anything back, and the eye watering cost of housing and childcare, they'll see hardly any of that huge salary actually in their bank account at the end of the month.

So there are of course many ways the UK could be encouraging people to have more children to increase the birth rate. But I don't think supporting people in a precarious position to have yet more children they clearly can't afford whilst forcing high earners to pick up the increasingly colossal bill is the right way.

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I agree with you 👍 My point is that it is bonkers the country is in such a state that having 3 children, for many, is considered a luxury.

Statsquestion1 · 27/09/2025 07:57

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 07:55

Well OPs husband isn't rich and they have actual children, not dogs. So what is the point of your post? Not remotely helpful and your life sounds rather sad and limited.

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@Digdongdoo but they are POWERFUL dogs…c‘mon…

sundaychairtree · 27/09/2025 07:57

This post really grinds my gears!!
The 'i dont want MY child in full time childcare', as if it is a choice for other people. Do you not think nearly everyone would rather work part time than full time if they could afford to ?

Statsquestion1 · 27/09/2025 07:58

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 07:56

HRFT but where do you all live that rent of over £1000 is reasonable ?
We are a 1 person income family and I'm a SAHM. My OH comes out with way less than OP, about £2k a month. We managed to buy property, save for us and all DC. Live comfortably, do things every weekend. Uk holidays every year. Make over payment on mortgage. Ya'll need to move 😅

Some outgoings need to go OP, look at things that are luxury, so sky TV, more expensive shopping like M&S etc. Try to live as cheaply and frugally as possible, and move, if an option haha x

I would be interested in seeing your spreadsheet for this…income and outgoings.

TypicalTarot · 27/09/2025 07:59

30 hours is not full time

37+ hours are full time

TypicalTarot · 27/09/2025 08:00

30 hours is not full time

37+ hours are full time

Digdongdoo · 27/09/2025 08:01

dontcomeatme · 27/09/2025 07:56

HRFT but where do you all live that rent of over £1000 is reasonable ?
We are a 1 person income family and I'm a SAHM. My OH comes out with way less than OP, about £2k a month. We managed to buy property, save for us and all DC. Live comfortably, do things every weekend. Uk holidays every year. Make over payment on mortgage. Ya'll need to move 😅

Some outgoings need to go OP, look at things that are luxury, so sky TV, more expensive shopping like M&S etc. Try to live as cheaply and frugally as possible, and move, if an option haha x

£1000 wouldn't even get you a studio here.
How on earth are you managing to feed, clothe, house and entertain 4 people on £2k a month? Let alone save and go on holiday... some tips please 🙏

CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan · 27/09/2025 08:03

We’re a family of 3, I work 30hours (shift work= 10 shifts over 4 weeks including weekends) and my husband works full time (condensed hours over 4 days) so we share childcare between us. Sometimes I’m at work all weekend and he has our child and I’m off days during the week. It works for us as we only need childcare for 1 after school per week at the most or if we want to go out.
(which is a rarity but at least we don’t put on people all the time). This is us with one child (never been able to have anymore children) YABU to have 3 kids and not one of you working full time to support them.

The solution for you is for one of you at least going full time (assuming one of you does mon-fri) and maybe the other working 30 hours which includes a weekend if you don’t want your kids in full time childcare.

babyproblems · 27/09/2025 08:03

I think your rent is too expensive. It’s a huge portion of your income!
I’d be looking to move somewhere cheaper. We have a cheap house - I wouldn’t take on a mortgage or rent somewhere for that amount of money on that income. It’s too stretched. Most people wouldnt have 3 kids on those incomes I don’t think. We have household income circa 100k and only have one child to avoid things being spread too thinly.

I would say move and also one of you could leave the charity sector to a better paid employer on full time hours. Three kids and renting privately on two charity incomes neither full time - it’s obvious there’s not enough in there!