Can only marred couples answer please.

[Richesme]

After my last posts about my husband wanting to go halves in paying bills rent etc when I start working full time, I’ve sat down with him and even though we had a disagreement about going halves, he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

He doesn’t believe that couples either put all their money in one pot or go halves in proportionate to their wages. His works in the bank therefore tells me that he has many customers come in to open joint accounts and they go halves.

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

All money into the joint account. Simples.

We have separate accounts. I earn more so my husband sends me an amount for the bills proportionate to his earnings. The remainder of both of our wages is split between us as savings and monthly spending money.

Joint account for all bills, mortgage etc, weekly shops, petrol etc. Only DH puts in as he earns far more than I do
I pay for kids activities, most of their clothes when they were younger, all the random stuff. We're fairly relaxed about it all. Never considered it to be his money/my money

As a married couple of 35 years we have always from day one, had joint everything. In fact it annoys me when things like bills have to be in an individual name, and then they won't speak to anyone else. You used to be able to have joint bills

I digress. Anyway, we only have one current account between us, no own accounts. Everything goes in and out that account. We have a one joint credit card. We have joint savings accounts. We do have individual isas and investment accounts, but view it as shared money, and it's tax efficient to do it that way.

Any inheritance, premium bond winnings, random income, all goes into joint account. Excess gets syphoned off where it is most tax efficient to put it.

In other words, no dividing up equally, or unequally, everything is seen as a family fund.

Joint account which both salaries go into. I never understood after marriage why there is this need to separate things (especially when you have children). Should you divorce it would be 50/50 anyway.?

We share money, we don't have separate accounts and we don't have anything that isn't ours. If either of us wants to spend a good chunk of money we just run it by the other person. We trust each other to make good choices and we are aligned on our attitude to money.

I would HATE if my OH wanted his own account and we did things separately. We are in it together and behave like that. I don't think either person should have more money in a marriage in a shared life nor do I think one person should have a 'better quality of life' if salaries aren't aligned.

All in one pot. One partner consults the other if they want to make a significant spend. If you're married over five years and then divorce, it's going to be split equally anyway, so what's the point of pretending you have separate finances?

Married 20 years and have had a joint account since we bought a house together. Both our wages go in, and child benefit. Payments go to small savings accounts for holidays, house, Christmas, kids, dog etc. All bills and shopping etc come out of the account. And we withdraw money or use our debit cards to buy what we want. We discuss joint purchases, but small things just get.

We have the same attitudes towards spending and saving, neither of us are tight or frivolous, so it’s always worked well. Started off with us earning similarly, then me earning less as part time and looking after kids, now earning the same.

We used to pay into a joint account pro rata to our salaries enough to pay all the bills, and what was left if anything (in the early days) was our individual spending/saving money. More recently we closed the joint account and now we just pay for different things, some bills I pay some bills he pays, but we both have reasonable savings so we are fairly relaxed about whether it's exactly fair.

We have separate bank savings and current accounts and a joint bills account plus a joint savings account.
But to all intents and purposes it is very much a single pot as money is moved around where it is needed without any of this split in half rubbish. Any anticipated big expenses are talked about before paying out - so holidays, big car repair bills, hobbies etc are agreed. I do all the nitty gritty of our finances but DH is well able to pick up the spreadsheets and bank accounts if needed.

Married for 25 yrs and separate finances here. Just never got round to changing anything. I know, I know!!
Both always have earnt. Him alot more than me. I pay for most of household things and food, kids hobbies and expenses, mortgage comes from my account but he does give me some money for this. He saves and invests alot but also puts savings into my name and tops up my miserable pension. Also pays chunks of mortgage. Any building work, holidays, school fees, uni costs etc he pays for. I get income from 2 rentals and use that money to also pay for our living expenses.

Both are responsible spenders...

So kind of one big pot however it does not go into one big pot. Probably not the most sensible set up and I can imagine some mumsnetters will think I've got it coming to me......

Everything is joined. We can spend what we want. Inheritance is joined. We are a family and all money is family money.

Our salaries both go in to our joint account and from there, all our bills go out and some gets transferred into savings.

I think unless there’s a vast disparity between you or one person has gambling/debt/compulsive spending issues etc that’s the no-brainer way to go tbh, but I do recognise it won’t suit all. My husband is the higher earner but I brought loads more equity in to the marriage so it vaguely evens out.

All my money is my money and I have access to his money through two credit cards that he pays each month. He didn’t want a joint account as his previous partner stole from him. My parents always had separate accounts so I have zero issues with this.

The focus is on whether you are happy with the arrangement and it sounds like you are not. I’m guessing he is happy for you to keep your money separate as he knows he has access to far more money than you?

I have been married 50 years and from the start we have had a joint account. My husband earns 6 times my salary but all money went into one pot. We don’t have our own bank accounts. Also have joint credit cards. We can see who is spending what, everything is open and nothing hidden. Most of the savings were in my name for tax purposes. We each have Isas and my husband has a share account with shares he accrued from work. We have a spreadsheet with all our assets including pensions which we update regularly. I don’t understand the my money,your money arguments when you are married. If we want to make a large personal purchase we discuss it like adults.

What's mine is mine, what's his is mine, what's joint is mine.

Seriously, we have both joint and separate accounts and use whichever account is most suitable for whatever it is we need to pay for at the time. It's all pooled and always has been, since we got married.

We have always put everything in the pot, and everything comes out of it (married 26 years).
When we first got married, DH earned significantly more than me but I never felt I had any less right to access the pot. Now, he's semi-retired so I bring in more. It's all ours.
Right at the beginning, we transferred an equal amount of 'pocket money' to our own accounts that we could use for gifts for each other and for our own treats, but we abandoned that after a year, as we were each happy for meals with friends, haircuts and other treats to come from the pot because we knew neither would take the piss.

DH and I put the same proportion of our salaries into a joint account (70/30).

All day to day household and family expenses come from that account.

We each have our own savings and own spending money.

We're both decent earners, so neither goes short.

If we're making a big purchase, say a car, we split it 50/50 from our personal savings.

Although the money is slightly more divided than many, we treat it all as family money (eg i paid for the new boiler, he paid for the new fridge, it all evens out), there isn't a sense of ownership of the funds, they just happen to be spread around mutilple accounts.

Married 20 years. Our own wages go into our own accounts and we each pay a portion into a joint account for bills.

We each have our own accounts which salaries go into then we transfer to our joint account - 75%/25% to cover discrepancy in salaries. Everything to do we family, home, kids etc comes out of that joint account but we have separate personal money each month and each have an ISA.
Our money in effect is completely shared, and we have a similar amount of our 'own' money to spend on ourselves, gifts for other people, nights out, clothes etc.

We have totally separate finances, but each of us is responsible for paying for certain things, e.g. he pays heating, council tax, I pay for all food, pet expenses. We go halves on holidays. Reason may be that we got married quite late (he had been married before) and he spends quite a lot on his (adult) children which I would not want to contribute to.

We have a joint account for shared bills / mortgage and childcare, a joint emergency fund we contribute to and then everything else we work out as we go food shops meals out etc. seems to work for us but sometimes one person gets more but it all evens out . However we do earn essentially the same so maybe harder if not on same

All in one account for us. We have never even thought about splitting things etc. It's all family money.

Everything is joint. We are a family so we spend family money. Bills all paid from joint account. Savings in individual names but we move money to and from joint account as needed. We use individual credit cards for day to day spending so no concerns about monitoring of what we spend money on (not that we care but I know some people worry about that) and then pay off both cards in full at the end of each month.

Usually my card bill is much bigger than DH because I cover all the food and DC expenses.

Large purchases get discussed in advance and we decide if we can afford, best time to buy etc.

i can imagine this would not work if you had different attitudes towards spending. But I would see that as being not very compatible anyway

Don't have kids with him till you work this out.

@Richesme
he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

Did he really mean he was happy with this, or was he doing that thing of saying the opposite to what he actually means, a way of cutting off his nose to spite his face, and throwing his dummy out of the pram in a tantrum because he could not "win" the argument with you?
I suspect the latter.

He will not be happy for you to keep all your money to yourself. This argument will keep recurring, and the resentment will grow.

He wants you to pay 50% of all household costs, because he fundamentally does not see your marriage as an "all-in, lifetime partners" kind of thing. He is still in the mindset of room-mates, being separate to you, having his own life and money (contrary to what the law says).
He is not ready for marriage, despite having actually married you.

Why and how did he agree to marry you?

This is one of several threads you have posted. Are you showing them to him as evidence that he is wrong?