Can only marred couples answer please.

[Richesme]

After my last posts about my husband wanting to go halves in paying bills rent etc when I start working full time, I’ve sat down with him and even though we had a disagreement about going halves, he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

He doesn’t believe that couples either put all their money in one pot or go halves in proportionate to their wages. His works in the bank therefore tells me that he has many customers come in to open joint accounts and they go halves.

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

Everything is completely shared. We have separate current accounts that our salaries are paid in to, but we move money freely between them and between our joint savings so there's no concept of "my money" and "your money" - it's all "our money". He earns a lot more than me btw.

This works for us because we are financially comfortable (I think it would be harder if we were counting every penny) and we have similar attitudes towards money (we're both savers not spenders). We've been married for 22 years and never had an argument about money.

My DH earns a lot more than I do. He pays into the bills account to cover mortgage and all bills and gives me a top up on my wages. Out of my wages, I pay for food, petrol and everything to do with the kids. It’s all spreadsheeted out. The idea is we both have the same amount of spending money each a month.

We have one bank account no his or hers money and everything is paid for out of that. I couldn’t imagine anything else but I know our way is very old school!

All accounts are joint (except ISAs obviously) - all income goes into joint account, and all spends go out of joint account. We have joint savings accounts too. We think of ourselves as a ‘team’.. big expenditure is discussed / agreed beforehand, but if either of us wants / needs something (of smaller cost) then we just get it.

I think the key is that we both have the same attitude towards money / spending / saving; we tend to lean towards saving and long-term security rather than just buying brand new stuff. Furniture is usually second hand, car is always second hand (and driven until it dies), phones are always second hand.

I think it is so important to be on the same page with regard to money.

We also got together when young; i think that makes a difference, as to how keen individuals might be to pool their money / assets.

I have spent time working part-time, freelance, and have been a SAHP for a while - but that was very much a joint choice, and I have felt very supported in that. And we also had joint accounts during this whole period - so never any ‘ring-fencing’ of money.

We have never individually paid for anything ‘in proportion’ to our incomes.

Yep, everything in the joint account.
we put some into savings for kids house deposits from there.
he earns a lot more than me. I spend more than him 😂

We have a joint account which we use to pay mortgage, bills, food shops, petrol and anything for the kids/house. Direct debits go into it from our own accounts in proportion to our salaries. We have our own savings/investments but also some jointly managed ISAs for the kids. For big one-off costs eg holidays, furniture, nice meal out, we might go halves from our own accounts or bung in extra money each into the joint. Then we use our own cards for spending that is purely our own.

We used to do the one pot thing. It didn't work for us. Dh would somehow always find money for his hobbies and I always felt like I was scrimping and saving.
So we changed it to getting paid our wages into individual accounts and transferring money for all joint expenses, bills mortgage petrol and food into our 'bills' account
This works much better for us as a couple

ETA its proportionate the amount we transfer so when I earned more I transfered more etc

Married; separate bank accounts but paying proportionately, now as DH retired I pay most bills as I have 3 sources of income. I have always been higher income payer and had short maternity leaves/worked full time.
If joint accounts and/or paying proportionately is unpalatable then just bill him for childcare and other invisible 'wifework' as a household bill.
I am not sure exactly how he can say working in a bank gives him this insight. We had a joint bank account with one of our mortgage providers but never used it!

This ^

Because we are normal people.

Married 25 years. Always had a joint account. I have earned more in total I think. (Complicated with mat leaves and part time work.)

The only thing we have that is individual are our ISAs. They have to be single name by law. They were identical in size for a long time but we transferred them and for some reason mine was actioned first so I ended up with an extra day of interest. 😂

All money comes in, all bills and household spending goes out. Whatever's left over is split as equal personal spending money.

All goes in one pot and everything comes from there. That includes house, cars, fuel, food, toiletries, all kids clubs and expenses, birthdays, xmas, pets, holidays, savings, investments. We both have around £350 ‘spending money’ per month (which gets put in our own current accounts) to do whatever we want with. His mostly goes on lunches/convenience and mine on my hobby.

Marriage is a legally binding agreement to share everything.

Paid into individual accounts but all in one pot. Payments made according to spreadsheet then what's left is divided by 2. This is the only fair way.

My late husband and I had a joint account which both our salaries weren't into. Or bills took the whole lot for some years, so it was the only manageable way of doing it when budgeting so tightly. That's the way we continued and as things got better we gave ourselves an amount from that account, and some for savings.

My DDs have different systems. One couple has a bills account that they each put the same amount into (their salaries are similar) and the rest is their own.
The other couple have separate accounts, but split the responsibility for different bills between them.

Everything into the joint account. We're married, we are a team and we trust one another. We've been together 25 years but did things like this right from the outset. Some of the investments and savings are in separate names but thats only because they cant be held in joint names/for tax efficiency.

If we want to spend money on ourselves we just do that out of the joint account. Our bills mainly go out at the start of the month and so we roughly know what is likely to be available. We'd consult one another on very big purchases though (say over about £250).

Been married for 38 years, we have always put all our money into one account. From this we pay all bills house/childcare/food etc etc we then decide from how much is left we’re going to put into our joint saving pot and if necessary our emergency pot( we try and hold this at a set amount these days it’s £500 to cover those unseen things like a new car tyre). What’s left is split 50/50 and goes into our own accounts as spending. Yes some months there’s nothing left we’ve even had some occasions when we’ve had to top up the main account from our savings when times were bad but we have always every month sat down together and discussed our money. Infact that’s what we will be doing tonight .

everything we own is joint, both cars are our joint responsibility if my car needs work it comes out of the joint account, if we need clothes - joint account unless it’s something unnecessary but basic clothes it’s joint. Last month my sewing machine needed a service we agreed it would come out of the joint account because the hobby is needed for my well being fabric to sew with is my responsibility, a few months ago he needed a new part for his lathe again joint account because it was needed not something he just wanted.

i know I’m rambling rather but I just wanted to explain how we work it xx

We have a joint account that we pay the same amount in for bills then food shop comes out of mine, petrol and days out come out of his. Then I pay for bits, he pays for bits, I used his card, he uses mine.
It's our money rather than mine and his :)

All in one pot, equal monthly spends out.

This was a dealbreaker for me from the start. I was earning 2x his salary, but my XDH had been financially controlling and manipulative and I wasn’t having that again.

We have a joint account for joint expenses and our own separate accounts for our income. We deposit into the joint account as a proportion of our income. We have been married 40 years and don’t have children. We both worked though my husband retired at 54 and I’m still working sporadically at 67.

I have been married for 43 years. There have been times when he has earned more than me and sometimes the other way round. All our income goes into one pot and all bills and expenditure are paid from that. We don't have separate accounts for our own use and anything we want just comes from the pot.
We discuss any substantial purchases (probably anything over a couple of hundred).
We don't have expensive hobbies though which often seems to be a bone of contention these days.
He had a small inheritance and it went into the pot. I have a large pension, 4x his, but its all considered our money.
It's marriage. It's supposed to be a partnership not a selfish competition.

Our wages are paid into our own accounts.

We have a house account for everything. We pay proportionately into that. We also pay proportionately into savings.

The remainder is split equally into spending money.

You need to ask your husband what his goal is?
For most loving couples surely it is that everything gets paid, the home and children are taken care of, and that both partners are equally financially secure, have equal free time and equal spending money.

If his goal is to be in a better position than you, whether that's security, spending or leisure, I'd be questioning the relationship.

Married 33 years. I earned more when we bought our first house together 37 years ago, a decade before we married.

everything has always gone in pot. I manage the money and we discuss what we can and can’t spend.

I am 59 now and don’t work, have full access to all DHs income as it’s our money. He agrees with me. I still manage all the money.

Married 20 years. Get our salaries paid into our own personal accounts and then put an equal amount into our joint account once a month to cover bills - food / kids / utilities etc. Pretty much 50:50 (our pay has been relatively similar over the years). We also have another account for any big ticket items such as holidays / new washing machine / etc which we both put a hefty (& similar) contribution into once a year - I find it useful to keep this separate to monthly bills in joint account.

This works very well for us - I remember my Mother being absolutely shocked at how we do things though and couldn’t get her head around why we don’t just get our salaries paid into one joint account. Tbh we lived together for years before we got married and I wasn’t about to start giving him full access to my money at that point! By the time we got married, we’d just got into one way of doing things and it was working, so saw no need to change it.

I do what I want with my salary, save & invest etc DH earns considerably more and covers all our expenses.

At periods when I was not earning such as mat leave etc he covered my personal expenses too.

There have been periods where I have stepped in and paid for various outgoings so we can achieve certain financial goals.

We own home jointly and have separate pensions/ savings etc however I have access to his account for expenditures that relate to family stuff.

We don’t do 50/50 because he’s a provider mindset however if anything ever happened to him I would absolutely step in and have his back/our back financially but the key thing is he doesn’t rely on my income.

I think OP your partner is taking you for a ride it’s either 50/50 or he covers more because women always end up doing more in the long run hence why need to protect ourselves better.