Can only marred couples answer please.

[Richesme]

After my last posts about my husband wanting to go halves in paying bills rent etc when I start working full time, I’ve sat down with him and even though we had a disagreement about going halves, he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

He doesn’t believe that couples either put all their money in one pot or go halves in proportionate to their wages. His works in the bank therefore tells me that he has many customers come in to open joint accounts and they go halves.

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

we each pay about 50%. No joint accounts. we used to have shared finances but I got burned. DH earns about 3x what I do so he is definitely better off that way but I wouldn't want to go back to shared finances for specific reasons. I manage to get all the bills paid and don't have to go into debt. I appreciate it's not the standard arrangement but it works for me

Sorry I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, though in retrospect I can see that I did and I suppose it is my age. I remember feeling so angry about this when I was young . I called myself a feminist in the 80s and 90s and got a lot of flack for it from men for it. The things you are saying are why I am gender critical because until 50% of the worlds population ( ie women) are not subject to these injustices across the world I have limited sympathy for niche groups that deny sex matters. I know that makes me out of touch with many younger women but while women are those who bear children, biological sex really does matter

The anger has over time leached out of me as I can see that things will just get worse and I suppose I've moved from anger to acceptance that this is how this are and they are unlikely to change but if younger women ( which I assume you are ) stay angry maybe there is some hope

I should have said that you are right to be angry ( which is a bit different from depressed) and I wish I could offer more than my weary acceptance but I feel like I have fought this fight my whole life and now I just accept that this is what women have to live with. Without men wanting this change ( and they generally don't want that) it never will

But we are getting a bit off topic so I won't go on further on my pet rant ...

We have always only ever had one joint account where everything goes in. We both spend on a joint credit card which we settle in full every month out of the joint account. Any money left at the end of the month goes into joint savings. Always worked for us.

Interesting article here. I'm firmly in the keeping all financial aspects separate. I don't think we ever even discussed the idea of a joint bank account and "family money". I'd hate it.

Separate finances

Those who only have a joint account, if you want to buy yourself some kind of unnecessary. Luxury item, do you have to ask your DH first? That is something which I'm just not prepared to do. I work hard and if I want to buy myself something frivolous then I don't want to have to get approval first.

We do this. Everything into joint and fun money is equal. When I got an inheritance I spent a portion on something for myself but the great majority went into joint.

@AhBiscuits Depends how expensive it is if we can afford it I just buy it.

He earns double what I earn. Mortgage bills from his account, food and kids expenses comes from mine but we basically pool it and split it so have equal disposable income at the end

No - I wouldn’t. If the money is there, we can spend it. If money was tight, then yes I definitely would. Neither of us are big spenders but are always happy for each other to have what we want. In fact, both of us encourage it! We’ve never had an issue with it.

Each have own account with a joint account for bills. We assess every year what the percentage split is for each of us. I was the low earner for years but catching up now 😊

Been doing this for 25 years and it works. I'm a spender, my husband isn't

Of course not. Why would you have to ask? Why would you need approval? So often on mumsnet I’m left wondering if married couples even like each other.

All our salaries go into joint account. I work 4 days and earn roughly 80% of what he earns.

To keep it “clean” ie so we can see what we are spending eg transactions are mortgage, insurance, utilities, Netflix and similar we the use credit cards for food, clothes etc but it’s all settled monthly from the joint account. If my credit card bill is big DH will ask why!! But could be holiday expenses, or something for the kids it’s more he is curious. So we don’t go “halves” etc we just share money. I think it I wanted to buy something expensive we’d discuss eg I spent my bonus last year on a treadmill, or when I bought a new phone or new computer.

I wouldn’t ask but I’d probably say up front, eg I’m spending my bonus on a treadmill. I mean it was going to take up space in the house so I did need to tell him. I told him before I bought a new computer as wanted his help in deciding. But when I bought a new phone I just decided when out shopping and bought it. I don’t tell him before buying clothes.

Everything joint here and has been for over 30 years. Our parents worked this way and so we followed.

I no longer work through ill health, my husband says it’s my time to do what ever I want now as I looked after our children so much when they were younger as in order to climb the ladder he wasn’t around much, couldn’t do school runs as he often had to get to London (we are Norfolk). We obviously now have only one income coming in but he doesn’t care what I spend or if I go out for coffee or lunch with friends etc. I wouldn’t go out and purchase a brand new sofa etc, as that’s a joint choice.

41 years married, now widowed. Common pot as soon as we were married , perhaps before . In fact, I had a credit card debt when we met, and once we were engaged, he said "Why don't I pay that off? No point in us wasting money on interest". We shared everything, never once argued about money. I was always part-time cos of the kids, one with disabilities so lots of appointments and limitations, but i always did some work. He was a wellpaid techie boy. It was only when I was about 50 did I gain an excellent freelance career. But some years later, had to give it up to care for him for 8 years. Now I have been left extremely well provided for. Our whole marriage was driven by looking after each other in every possible way, and that has carried on after his death. Anything other than common pot when you have kids is ludicrous.

40 years on,never had a joint accounr, i wanted the new house, i said i would pay new mortgage, he paid most of the bills, i buy the shopping and pressies for occasions then we just take it in turns To oay for meals out and hols, misc, would hate the joint account and having to ask for a new coat or a buy of chocolate, earn your own money and then you never need to go cap in hand x

Married 38 years. Joint current account from day one.
Both wages - he out earns me by at least 75%.
Both have equal access to the money.
No arguments about who spent what.
We're happy

Exactly this.

It’s interesting seeing the differences.
From my pov, I opened a joint account with my then boyfriend when i was young and put our wages in. We split up, he ran the account down to overdraft and because I was still on the account and my wages weren’t going in it anymore, I was half liable for the debt.
I ended up paying it, just to walk away and hear nothing more of him.
Married/together 23 years, I have my own current acc, my own savings, and we have a joint acc. Anything for bills comes out the joint, and we each pay 50% to cover it, and any extras for the kids.
My car loan is my own, his is his. Car maintenance, phones, clothes, treats, are all our own.
We could join it up, but I’m not going to be asking permission or justifying why I want a new pair of jean, or whatever.
I now earn more than he does, we still pay the same but my extra goes towards holidays.
it works, I suppose. I’d rather just keep the extra myself but I’m aware that’s not reasonable 😂

⬆️ This, except we have separate savings.

Can't edit on my phone. Both wages paid into the joint account

Ooh looks like I’m the minority here

Me and hubby get salary into our personal accounts and then pay our portion into a joint account (50/50 at the moment as we earn roughly the same).

The amount we pay in is based on a household budget that includes multiple savings and spending for our child

We prefer it this way as means we can do what we want with money left in our personal account without having to justify our spending

Not ask no. If it was something over £100ish we would both mention it in case there was some sudden other expense coming up the other didn't know about but not asking permission.

Married 40 years all money in joint bank account, any savings in joint savings accounts, apart from ISA, we both have the same amount in ISAs. Before retirement my husband was the higher earner. Since retirement as I have a better pension I have the higher income. Always worked for us. If I want money for clothes , hobbies etc I take from account, same goes for husband. It works for us but everyone is different . No judgement for anyone who has different arrangements.

In the early days of our marriage when dh was earning 6 -8 times my salary, we did a budget together - we agreed spends on everything, what was left was fun money - the frivolous spending, this was designed so I would feel comfortable spending the money rather than feeling the need to ask. Years later we dropped the fun money idea because it wasn’t needed anymore. We agreed rules on dh’s spending on Amazon for while - he was using it as a distraction from boring work tasks - he had to ask because he was buying a stupid amount of shit, so he had to justify each item if he needed it he got it - it was voluntary and done with humour.
We like nice things, we like to plan our spending so we enjoy the splurges we decide to make, the decisions to put off fun so we can save, have a good retirement together, life decisions like starting up our own business - we work as a good team, we challenge each other respectfully. It works for us.

40 years together. We have a child- now grown up. All our finances are separate.