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Original poster

Should I share half my pension?

98 replies

penpension · 23/07/2025 07:29

I’m using fake figures to demonstrate a point but there goes.

I bring home £2k after deductions, which includes £200 contribution towards pension.

Unmarried but lifelong partner brings home £2L after deductions, which involved no pension contributions. (he has opted out so employer contributions only)

As we both bring home the same amount, we contribute equally to our joint household bills, mortgage etc.

Anything remaining after bills are paid is our own to do as we please. He is more of a saver and im
more of a spender which is fine as we can do as we like with our disposable income.

never had to worry about who pays what proportion of bills as we have always roughly brought home the same amount.

My question is around the £200 extra I am paying into my pension. In terms of trying to keep things equal, does that mean I should be sharing my pension 50/50 when I receive it? Or from an equitable perspective how should I be thinking about my pension pot in the context of bills and all I’ve written above?

I want to have a conversation with DP but at this stage I don’t actually know what I need to say.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2025 07:33

If he is more of a saver then he should be saving into a pension. He has chosen to opt out (why??) so it is for him to start contributing to his own pension. If you can I would increase your own contributions too to yours.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/07/2025 07:35

Your pension becomes your income, ie, it's just a source of money. There's no need to make any changes to how you organise your finances on that count.

I'd be more concerned that he's not paying as much into his pension and therefore won't receive as much. Does that mean your pension will be bigger than his? He'll expect you to contribute proportionally more? Will your joint pensions be enough for you?

GreenSedan · 23/07/2025 07:35

Why isn't he paying into his pension?

Mulledjuice · 23/07/2025 07:39

Agree he should be paying into his employer pension. It's almost always free money for a PAYE employee.

Who owns your home?/in what proportion?

zzpled · 23/07/2025 07:42

How far are both of you from retirement?

Why did he opt out of making his own pension contributions? Is he making any provision outside his work pension, eg ISAs or stakeholder pension?

Will both your pensions cover all basic expenditure or will you need to subsidise him? If the former, will you basically be in the same situation as now, 50/50 on necessities and unequal fun money? If the latter, why isn't he making more provision for himself?

You're not married - what happens to your pension if you die before him?

MissHollysDolly · 23/07/2025 07:43

You won’t have to give him anything - you’re not married. However if you end up with a significantly
higher pension than him, you’ll end up paying for everything from it in your retirement - because where else will the money come from?

Bjorkdidit · 23/07/2025 07:43

Yes, why isn't he paying into a pension and are you/he sure that his employer is paying contributions for him? Usually they only pay in if you do too.

If he's paying the same amount into a S&S instead, he could end up in broadly the same position, although I don't think it's as good due to tax - the S&S gains will be tax free and he can use the money as he pleases but pensions attract tax relief and 25% of the amount taken from it later is tax free. He'll also of course have the state pension or he could continue working.

Unless a person absolutely cannot afford the contributions, paying into a pension is usually a no brainer, so you could ask him why he isn't.

Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 07:46

Mulledjuice · 23/07/2025 07:39

Agree he should be paying into his employer pension. It's almost always free money for a PAYE employee.

Who owns your home?/in what proportion?

50/50 on house.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 07:46

Bjorkdidit · 23/07/2025 07:43

Yes, why isn't he paying into a pension and are you/he sure that his employer is paying contributions for him? Usually they only pay in if you do too.

If he's paying the same amount into a S&S instead, he could end up in broadly the same position, although I don't think it's as good due to tax - the S&S gains will be tax free and he can use the money as he pleases but pensions attract tax relief and 25% of the amount taken from it later is tax free. He'll also of course have the state pension or he could continue working.

Unless a person absolutely cannot afford the contributions, paying into a pension is usually a no brainer, so you could ask him why he isn't.

Is that’s rocks and shares? No he isn’t doing that.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 07:48

zzpled · 23/07/2025 07:42

How far are both of you from retirement?

Why did he opt out of making his own pension contributions? Is he making any provision outside his work pension, eg ISAs or stakeholder pension?

Will both your pensions cover all basic expenditure or will you need to subsidise him? If the former, will you basically be in the same situation as now, 50/50 on necessities and unequal fun money? If the latter, why isn't he making more provision for himself?

You're not married - what happens to your pension if you die before him?

Edited

They allow a survivor’s pension of about 1/3 of my pension to a co habiting partner even if not married.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 07:49

GreenSedan · 23/07/2025 07:35

Why isn't he paying into his pension?

This is the key question isn’t it. I’m not too sure if the exact reason as it has only recently come ti light. I’m not very happy that while I talk often about pension, he never thought to pipe up and state that he is not contributing to his until I explicitly asked the question recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 07:49

Early 40’s

OP posts:
SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 07:52

Don't do it! You say you do what you like with your disposable income, so there's your answer. If you're still together when you retire, that's the point to consider sharing finances.

TheBewleySisters · 23/07/2025 07:52

I’m retired and my younger husband is still working. I treat the pensions I receive as I did my income when I was working, that is, pay half the bills and the rest is mine to do with as I please.

Dearg · 23/07/2025 07:54

In your 40s , you have a good few years to think this through and decide whether you want to subsidise him. So ask him - how does he plan to fund his own retirement? ( because that won’t wait )

Current state pension is about £12k per annum so half his current take home, but it’s likely to change in value terms and age to claim it will likely increase again.

I think if you share ownership of a house etc it’s a fair question to ask and now would be the time to be clear about it.

Destiny123 · 23/07/2025 07:55

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2025 07:33

If he is more of a saver then he should be saving into a pension. He has chosen to opt out (why??) so it is for him to start contributing to his own pension. If you can I would increase your own contributions too to yours.

Yea makes zero sense to be a saver and not have a pension. A pension is by far best saving option from tax relief etc

Firefly100 · 23/07/2025 07:59

If you are not married and there are no children then this situation becomes slightly easier. Your incomes are your incomes and you each pay 50% towards costs (within reason). He might be retiring later than you with the choices he is making, but his choice. However, in your position I’d definitely discuss it as he may be making financial mistakes and I would want the best for my partner. I’d want to be sure he is making informed choices. With that caveat then no I would not share my pension per se - his choices his consequences.

Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 08:02

Dearg · 23/07/2025 07:54

In your 40s , you have a good few years to think this through and decide whether you want to subsidise him. So ask him - how does he plan to fund his own retirement? ( because that won’t wait )

Current state pension is about £12k per annum so half his current take home, but it’s likely to change in value terms and age to claim it will likely increase again.

I think if you share ownership of a house etc it’s a fair question to ask and now would be the time to be clear about it.

Yes this is what I think too. I suspect he will give a cop out answer of not expecting to make it to retirement which is ridiculous as he isn’t in poor health and no family history to be concerned about. It’s just not a very good outlook and as he can afford to pay in, I don’t know what he isn’t. Unless he just doesn’t want to drop his current income now, but that is the sacrifice we all have to make.

If we split equally now. I will be honest. I will feel hard done by if we get to retirement and I have to stump up the lions share due to being sensible in the lead up to retirement by saving for my pension. I don’t think I could quite be so harsh as to not allow access to my pension as even though we are not married. We live as though we are.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 08:03

Firefly100 · 23/07/2025 07:59

If you are not married and there are no children then this situation becomes slightly easier. Your incomes are your incomes and you each pay 50% towards costs (within reason). He might be retiring later than you with the choices he is making, but his choice. However, in your position I’d definitely discuss it as he may be making financial mistakes and I would want the best for my partner. I’d want to be sure he is making informed choices. With that caveat then no I would not share my pension per se - his choices his consequences.

Yes we have children.

Good point actually that he may have to defer retirement due to no pension aside from the state. I didn’t think of that one as I was just thinking he would want to retire around the same time as me and share my pension.

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 23/07/2025 08:03

@penpension he’s an idiot. Does he not realise a pension is basically partly free money due to the tax relief? Unless he’s a very high earner, in which case there would be other investment and tax planning arrangements in place. If he’s not doing S&S isa and other packaged products and just saving cash it is literally declining in vale as he looks at it due to inflation. He needs to be maxing out his pension contributions from his savings ( unless you are actively saving for something) and you can go back a couple of years so the sooner he gets on it the better.

For the future his cash savings won’t give him an income so I can see him sitting on them not wanting to erode them and trying to rely on your pension, which is totally out of order.

He should get some financial advice asap.

Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 08:08

Keepingthingsinteresting · 23/07/2025 08:03

@penpension he’s an idiot. Does he not realise a pension is basically partly free money due to the tax relief? Unless he’s a very high earner, in which case there would be other investment and tax planning arrangements in place. If he’s not doing S&S isa and other packaged products and just saving cash it is literally declining in vale as he looks at it due to inflation. He needs to be maxing out his pension contributions from his savings ( unless you are actively saving for something) and you can go back a couple of years so the sooner he gets on it the better.

For the future his cash savings won’t give him an income so I can see him sitting on them not wanting to erode them and trying to rely on your pension, which is totally out of order.

He should get some financial advice asap.

Nailed it with your first sentence. I think he is being an idot.

very average earner. No other money or income aside from work and just savings which are not particularly high. Just sat in account doing nothing.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 23/07/2025 08:16

You earn more than him if you earn the same after your pension is deducted than he does without pension contributions. Therefore, you should really be paying more than 50% of bills as the higher earner. Effectively your £200 pension contributions are being paid jointly as he's subbing you by paying more than his fair share of bills because you are taking your pension contributions out before working out the fair split.

He ought to be paying into a pension, and it's madness that he's not. Maybe explain to him that if he also put £200 into pension each month, then his proportion of bills would fall and he wouldn't be much worse off. That might encourage him to save into his pension.

FastForward2 · 23/07/2025 08:24

Your income in retirement will be higher than his, but you're more of a spender.
You might live longer, women often do. Two reasons you might need more money! Why do you need to have the same amount as him?

You could share the bills and invest all or part of your extra into stock market or regular savings account for a rainy day, e.g. when you need it to pay your care bills, deposit on a house for your children, hip replacement, luxury cruise, new car.

Sort out powers of attorney in case one of you becomes unable to manage the account, and wills to ensure your money goes to each other, not other relatives, unless that's what you want. Or get married!

Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 08:25

mrsm43s · 23/07/2025 08:16

You earn more than him if you earn the same after your pension is deducted than he does without pension contributions. Therefore, you should really be paying more than 50% of bills as the higher earner. Effectively your £200 pension contributions are being paid jointly as he's subbing you by paying more than his fair share of bills because you are taking your pension contributions out before working out the fair split.

He ought to be paying into a pension, and it's madness that he's not. Maybe explain to him that if he also put £200 into pension each month, then his proportion of bills would fall and he wouldn't be much worse off. That might encourage him to save into his pension.

This is really helpful and was actually part of my question about what it means to keep things equitable, I just don’t think I articulated it very well.

So in a way, if I share my pension 50/50 and we continue splitting our bills 50/50 as we do at the moment, it is actually fair to share the pension as overall everything is equal - is that right?

I will still of course encourage him to have his own pension as it is risky to rely on me being alive throughout his retirement.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpension · 23/07/2025 08:26

FastForward2 · 23/07/2025 08:24

Your income in retirement will be higher than his, but you're more of a spender.
You might live longer, women often do. Two reasons you might need more money! Why do you need to have the same amount as him?

You could share the bills and invest all or part of your extra into stock market or regular savings account for a rainy day, e.g. when you need it to pay your care bills, deposit on a house for your children, hip replacement, luxury cruise, new car.

Sort out powers of attorney in case one of you becomes unable to manage the account, and wills to ensure your money goes to each other, not other relatives, unless that's what you want. Or get married!

Yes the marriage pat is also a sticking point.

OP posts:
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