Should I share half my pension?

[penpension]

I’m using fake figures to demonstrate a point but there goes.

I bring home £2k after deductions, which includes £200 contribution towards pension.

Unmarried but lifelong partner brings home £2L after deductions, which involved no pension contributions. (he has opted out so employer contributions only)

As we both bring home the same amount, we contribute equally to our joint household bills, mortgage etc.

Anything remaining after bills are paid is our own to do as we please. He is more of a saver and im
more of a spender which is fine as we can do as we like with our disposable income.

never had to worry about who pays what proportion of bills as we have always roughly brought home the same amount.

My question is around the £200 extra I am paying into my pension. In terms of trying to keep things equal, does that mean I should be sharing my pension 50/50 when I receive it? Or from an equitable perspective how should I be thinking about my pension pot in the context of bills and all I’ve written above?

I want to have a conversation with DP but at this stage I don’t actually know what I need to say.

@Passthecake30 From my very limited understand you are spot on. With APC no one else can benefit if you die as it’s for your self only.

On your point about you saving your 200£ into a pension and having to then share with your partner when you retire as you currently split everything 59/50...well does he intend to split his savings 50/50 ?.

I don’t think he needs to share his savings as I have had that money too. It’s just that I have spent mine.

It sounds like you've always had very separate finances and so that'll continue into retirement. If he's saving a lot he may be able to keep up with you lifestyle wise. Or maybe one of you will continue to work longer than the other.

Honestly it's so far from my experience (which is all money is shared) that I can't quite imagine how it works but it's clearly worked fine for you so why change things? Certainly if maternity leave wasn't enough to change the balance I don't see why retirement would be.

He needs a pension like everyone else, he’s working and can afford it. Hoping that his long term partner will still be alive, with him and wiling and able to share her pension income with him in 20 years time is astonishingly careless. I would be most worried about that. However willing you are now to share, he needs to take care of himself.

If he's opted out he will unlikely to be getting employer contributions

Sounds like you could have a potentially very valuable pension as it's DB rather than DC.

What do you think about this as a solution - I offer to pay £100 more than him of our joint bills to partially offset the reduction in salary he will receive by going into the scheme.

He then has his own pension and I am paying more of an equal proportion towards our joint bills.

I think this is the fairest way for both of us to come to a solution here, but would be grateful for your thoughts in case I am missing something.

If this is considered a good idea I will speak to him about it and if he doesn’t bite my hand off I don’t know what I’ll do!

So he has savings instead of pension. So not sure why you view that as sacrosanct but your pension up for a shared pot.

OP - IF you put in £100 extra into the finances only do so if he puts £200 of his income into his pension.

You seem to be falling over yourself to be fair to him, he seems to be happy with that arrangement.

You think he will give a cop out answer - he is not taking responsibility! Don't make ANY concessions to him unless he takes some responsibility for his future. Seriously - you could end up slogging way at work until the day before your state pension in order to facilitate his laissez faire attitude.

He is not a child. He has a job, he has a reasonable income, he can stand on his own two feet alongside you in this relationship.

All sorts of things could happen to both of you financially and personally in the next 20-30 years! Can't believe you are worrying now about the implications of that £200 for how you will share your finances in 20-30 years time. I'd think my DH was crazy if he initiated that discussion.

But then, we've always just pooled our income, regardless of who is earning more. Used to be him, now it is me. And made joint decisions about savings, pension etc.

No, I don't think you should share it. When it comes to it, carry on paying for your share of bills out of it and he should be paying his own. If he's a saver, he should have money elsewhere, if not in a pension, and he'll have to use that?

never had to worry about who pays what proportion of bills as we have always roughly brought home the same amount.

I'd say you still bring home roughly the same amount, even taking into account the pension. It's only 10% of your take home. So tbh I'd just continue to pay the same proportion of bills unless your take homes get way out of line, and consider your pension contributions to be a spending decision just like any other. No need to share. Have you really never had incomes differ by 10% or more before? If you did (eg during maternity leave) did you adjust your contributions then?

Just tell him to start paying in to his own pension. Don't start sharing yours.

No you shouldn’t share your pension. He has plenty of time to sort himself out.

This is where I am landing as my final response. I’ll carry on as I am. Say what I need to say about him needing to fund his own retirement and then leave it up to him.

In reality I will have a much bigger income than him in retirement so will need to fund or contribute towards fun things if I want us to do things together.

This seems so odd for a long term partnership. Do you actually love and care for each other or is your existence together a financial transaction? No wonder you haven’t committed to each other by marriage. You cannot make him continue to a pension so you are stuck with his views on money. People who are married don’t get quite so hung up on separate finances and who has what.

Some people who are married don’t get so hung up but there are also some that do. There are enough AIBU threads from married people on here with finance and non sharing of money issues.

I take your point but it is not as black and white as you describe.

I don’t really agree with some of the posters who think you should pay more towards bills because you earn more. That figure is based on your gross salary not your net salary. You don’t actually have much choice about the contributions that are taken. I was public sector and paid a huge whack in pension contributions and various other insurances. I wasn’t frittering my money down the casino. If he decided to start contributing to a pension ( as he should) then obviously you could re-evaluate based on his net income. My main concern about his lack of pension is your survival should he die prematurely. My mum is experiencing a very comfortable retirement because although she was widowed my step fathers pension has been her main source of income ( 4 times the state pension)

But you don’t have to want to do things together and this gives you the choice. You can go out and leave him home, and the difference between your mat leave and retirement is when he went out and you didn’t have any money you were looking after a baby 24/7, while lucky him doesn’t have to look after anyone but himself as a retiree so he’s living it up in comparison.

no, don’t pay him. He’s a grown up. Tell him he should pay into a retirement pension like you are, end of story, unless you want to add as you’ll still need to cover your share of the bills when you aren’t earning, that’s how it worked for my mat leave.

@Divebar2021 You had a gold plated pension to look forward to though! The self employed are now recommended to pay in 20%. I bet you didn’t pay that! Plus your employer would have put in mega bucks (ie the taxpayer). There needs to be some reckoning of what the OP’s pension will be worth at age 66 plus. Is she a state employee or a much worse off private sector employee in terms of pension? I don’t think she’s a high earner so they might need to sell up and downsize. Maybe that’s what he wants? That’s another headache to face.

If that solution is enough to tempt him into joining the pension scheme, and you don’t need that £100 a month personally, I’d do it.

Keep in mind that to have the buying power of £800/month today in 25yrs at retirement you will likely need a target of £2,000/month in income due to inflation averaging 4%. State pension will increase but the triple lock is unlikely to continue beyond a few more years.

£200/mo isn’t enough to fund two retirements.
You should both be saving 20% of gross (pre tax) salary or as close to that as you can get.