Should I share half my pension?

[penpension]

I’m using fake figures to demonstrate a point but there goes.

I bring home £2k after deductions, which includes £200 contribution towards pension.

Unmarried but lifelong partner brings home £2L after deductions, which involved no pension contributions. (he has opted out so employer contributions only)

As we both bring home the same amount, we contribute equally to our joint household bills, mortgage etc.

Anything remaining after bills are paid is our own to do as we please. He is more of a saver and im
more of a spender which is fine as we can do as we like with our disposable income.

never had to worry about who pays what proportion of bills as we have always roughly brought home the same amount.

My question is around the £200 extra I am paying into my pension. In terms of trying to keep things equal, does that mean I should be sharing my pension 50/50 when I receive it? Or from an equitable perspective how should I be thinking about my pension pot in the context of bills and all I’ve written above?

I want to have a conversation with DP but at this stage I don’t actually know what I need to say.

Without knowing the exact figures it's hard to tell if it exactly works out financially. But, fundamentally, if you take £200 from your earnings each month before doing the split and he doesn't, then his contribution to joint spending is proportionally higher than it should be because of your pension contributions.

You could probably run some rough calculations with actually figures to see how much less you put in the joint account than you should because of the pension contributions.

I'd focus more on trying to get him to put something into a pension than on the exact split of yours in retirement tbh.

I don’t know how you can say he’s a saver when he has no pension, makes no pensions contributions and doesn’t have investments . Presumably you mean he sticks £50 every so often into a high street savings account? Thats hardly planning for the future.

I’d be really concerned about being with someone in their early forties opting out of pension contributions. The argument of not expecting to make it to retirement doesn’t hold weight either because most pensions allow you to name a beneficiary on your death, this could be you or your kids.

Whilst my first thought is that you absolutely do not share your pension, I don’t see how that would work if you are still with him. It’s not like you’re going to let him starve or not heat the house if you can afford to because he’s not got a pension. So I think you need to look at his previous actions with money. You have kids, so when you were on maternity leave did he still expect you to contribute to bills 50/50? Did he expect you to use your savings to top up your share of the bills or did he cover bills or significantly increase his share? If when you were on maternity leave having his children, he took on the financial load, it was combined savings that topped up your missed income then I would say accept you will have a higher pension pot and may cover things like gas and electricity but he needs to start making contributions right now. His savings need to go into stocks and shares and he’s probably going to need to set one of these to be quite risky and one to be quite moderate. It will probably mean your part of the household bills go up slightly but you would be in a better position financially when you retire.

If on maternity leave the financial load was not shared, then you should not share your pension in any way, shape or form. Bills are split 50/50 and if he can’t afford to eat then so be it. As I said earlier, I think it’s going to be really hard to see your lifelong partner starve and it’s going to be a real strain on your relationships with your kids so realistically I think you need to reconsider the relationship. Obviously he doesn’t see you as a team financially. He doesn’t see the need to save for his future or to help you and the kids should the worst happen.

I continued to contribute 50/50 throughout my maternity.

Also although I am the higher earner now - only marginally which is essentially my pension contributions. He has in the past been the higher earner and also he had a fairly reasonable redundancy payout which was not shared. I think this is the stick in my mind. As well as the fact I was not subsidised during maternity that isn’t fair for the rules to change the moment it is in his favour and not mine.

There’s your answer then. He doesn’t see you as a team financially, even when you having his children. Something he is incapable of doing. He doesn’t see you as a team financially in retirement and won’t contribute to a pension. Even though he is perfectly capable of doing so.

I’m sorry. I think it’s time for you to consider what you want your retirement to look like and whether he’s going to be a positive addition or a drain on the system. If you stay, I would look at changing your pension beneficiaries on all your pensions to your kids only.

My only niggle is the point that was made by an earlier poster that strictly speaking we are not contributing 50/50 to bills as the percentage is taken into account after my pension is paid.

therefore should I look at it that the £200 I pay in is £100
from me and £100 from him and then we split bills 50/50 after I have been paid which keeps everything equal and doesn’t seem like me being a mug for sharing half my pension.

As in, you would like to be married?

Dont, unless and until he's sorted out his finances.

When are you projected to have paid off the mortgage? Could you afford the full repayment if he became unable to work?

The big question you (and everyone) needs to ask themselves is what happens if he dies suddenly, or is diagnosed with a serious illness that limits his ability to earn and increases expenses for care etc.

Yes I had thought I’d like to marry but this would put my pension at risk if we split, but then if I view it that he has inadvertently been contributing to it anyway then maybe it is fair for him to be entitled to some of it.

Mortgage is not an issue as only small and manageable on my own if needed

It’s not 50/50 now. He puts an extra £100 in than you do. He was the higher earner, it was 50/50. You were on maternity leave, it was 50/50.

Why does it need to be equal now that you’re earning more and he’s not thinking long term when it wasn’t at any other point in your relationship?

I don't think it would be £100 from you and £100 from him.

Calculate how much you would need to pay if the proportion of bills was split according to your income before pension contributions. Work out that calculation and see what the difference is.

So if you earned £2200 and he earned £2000 (your mock figures) then the split should be 52% you v 48% him.

If bills are currently 2000, you should pay £1040 and he should pay £960. So he's current paying an extra £40 and you are paying £40 too little.

Really, the best thing would be for him to have a pension too.

How much does his employer put into his pension? Is he hoping that that will be enough by the time that he retires?

Perhaps you could look at what his spending money would be if he paid 50/50 on bills from his pension. If he expects you to pay more, you could then ask for a refund from your time on maternity leave.

I agree that ultimately he really should have his won pension and I will be speaking to him about this, this thread has helped me to see that this is an entirely reasonable thing for me to be concerned about despite our separate finances. I feel like he is going to see me as a nag or not be interested in the conversation as I wont be saying what he wants to hear, but it is important for the conversation to be had and cards laid on table.

Thank you for also making me see that historically the finances have not gone in my favour or been fully equal. As that time has gone now, this hasn’t really occurred to me but it is probably worth me keeping this in mind.

Not sure on this - probably the legal minimum and I don’t know what that is as I’m in public sector. (So my £200 contribution is likely to be more valuable that £200 in a non public sector scheme, but that is not really relevant unless someone else thinks it is?)

So you’re saying list bills that will apply during retirement, everything except mortgage as that will be paid. Split 50/50 and see what that looks like if he is on state pension?

I would approach this from a different angle - how much money will you need as a couple in retirement and how will he be funding his half if he only has a small pension? This seems fair, particularly seeing as you kept your normal contributions to the family finances throughout your maternity leave.

@Reallybadidea

It would be about £800 total so we each have to put in £400. He could do this with state pension.

He would still have to fund running his car on top of that. Although we could probably go down to one car at that point.

OP I think you are being over accommodating. Yes OK technically he is £100 down due to not paying into his pension but still paying into 50% of bills. But how many £100 pounds would it take to equal half of his redundancy pay out? How many £100 to make up for the money lost on maternity leave? You are treating him as he has treated you - 50/50 all the way irrespective of earnings. And if I got a pay rise I would still pay 50%. Based on your updates I am going in stronger than my original post. I would not share pension. I would not marry, not now.

I agree that I am probably being over accommodating as I am a kind and caring person and obviously love my other half. I also see the posts on here the other way around where women are not happy about men not sharing their money so I don’t want to be a hypocrite and seem like I’m trying to keep all my money to myself.

it’s the reason for this post, to get my own thoughts in order and seek the views and perspectives of others.

And those posts from other women are almost always women who sacrificed their own earning power to provide an unequal amount of childcare. Had he done that, my answer would have been different and I would advocate sharing.

How far off retirement are you? He really needs to start paying into his pension, £200 a month contributions between you is nowhere near enough for a decent retirement. You say he’s a saver, where’s his savings?

Ah ok that makes sense. Yes I have always worked and contributed. I do work several hours per week less than him despite our being home pay but again don’t think that is particularly relevant in this scenario.

25 years to retirement

savings just in a savings account

Its relevant if the reason you work less hours is to provide more childcare / do more in the home.

Sp you’ve both still got plenty of time if he starts paying into his pension now. Get him to pay in £200 a month into his pension too and then readjust how much you both pay in for bills to reflect his new take home pay.

If you weren’t funded for maternity (WTF WHY NOT) And you haven’t seen his redundancy (less WTF since you weren’t full time caring for his baby) then no fucking way. He can pay you back first while doing most of the parenting and housework for a year and after that you can follow this suggestion of adjusting! But if he doesn’t then no you need your pension to fund you as your partner may well not.

It is relevant. There is a motherhood penalty when it comes to pay. Mothers are statistically more likely to have lower pensions, work less hours and take flexible positions impacting their long term financial security. So you work less hours, presumably to save joint money on childcare and raise your joint children. Despite that, you earn more and put more into your long term savings.

As PP said, when women are complaining they don’t have access to their husband/partner’s money, these women have taken part time roles or left the workplace entirely for caring responsibilities. If one of you leaves the workplace for caring responsibilities, it can no longer be your money and their money. It has to be one combined pot.

Couples can approach their finances in a number of ways - everything 50/50 as you have, proportionality (pay a percentage according to earnings) and one big pot. Your partner has time and time again chosen 50/50, so he doesn’t get to benefit from proportionality or all one pot now because you’re out earning him and have better long term prospects. We’re all one big pot by the way and I’d be considering leaving DH if he wasn’t contributing to a pension because there’s no way my pension is going to stretch far enough for both of us. I just wouldn’t feel like he’s continuing to build a shared life with me. Obviously it’s different if my DH needed to leave the workforce and he couldn’t contribute to a pension but this isn’t the case for you.