Son not paying us back

[Ciderida]

Hi,

about 6 months ago my dh helped our son out by taking out a 0% finance deal to get him and his gf a few new appliances for their home, they couldn’t get the 0% themselves and they needed the goods. It works out to about £78 a month for 2 years and it was agreed that they would transfer the money in to our account each month- we never agreed to pay.

I admit that we should have taken more notice but we’ve realised that they haven’t paid anything back yet. I’ve addressed this and he’s apologised and said they were just disorganised, and forgot. DH has gone mad and has said he “considers it theft” which I feel is disproportionate- we could actually very easily afford to just pay it but I accept that wasn’t the deal.

is my DH being OTT?

I think it's pretty crappy behaviour from your son. The onus really is on him to make sure he pays on time every payment.
Has he now payed the 6 months amount owed and set up a direct debit going forward?

He should have paid it back but you should have reminded him so its hardly theft.

I call bullshit on the disorganised and forgot. If this is the case then surely the money is sitting in his bank as he hasn't spent it and he can pay what he owes. Likelihood is they knew full well they hadn't paid you and were hoping you would just forget about it or gift them the money.

I would put it in writing to say you expect to be paid, they can set up a standing order from their account for the day after they get paid so it automatically goes out of the account.

Obviously it's not great behaviour, but only you know of it's a genuine mistake or if he has form for this kind of thing. Having said that, the onus was on your DH to set up an agreement on how it was to be paid back, ie, standing order or cash etc each month. And to notice when it hadn't been paid!
It's nothing that can't be resolved though. Just ask him to start paying and if he can't afford the 6 month in arrears up front, can you split that over the remaining 18 months?

Pretty poor on your son's part. I would read him the riot act, and never do this again, unless I was prepared to never get the money back

I’d put it on a business footing. Put together a spreadsheet detailing the monthly payments and specifying a due date every month-just like a normal monthly bill.

If he doesn’t pay by that date, send him a reminder.

That’s what my FIL did when he lent his children money. He also charged them interest on the loans! 😂

I think your husband’s reaction is fair to be honest. He wouldn’t have forgotten to pay if it was to a bank of company directly, and if he had the consequences would be huge in terms of his credit etc.

Your ds has behaved badly. He made a deal with his own father, got his parents in to debt, and then didn't make the repayments. Pretty shabby all round. But not (quite) theft.

He needs to pay his df the arrears and then set up a direct debit, leaving his a/c the day after payday, making regular repayments. And apologise for his oversight.

What sort of person thinks it's OK to land their parents in debt?

Okay to be cross, but ‘going mad’ is an overreaction. All it takes is a conversation and to set up the direct debit to pay it back.

Yes, the son was wrong not to pay it back, but you could have also asked sooner.

I get everyone’s point but I don’t think he did it maliciously. I think they are struggling a bit financially- new baby and maternity etc

@Humanswarm I totally disagree. Onus is on the son not her husband. If someone is kind enough to do you a favour you make sure to repay it. Very poor behaviour.

As long as your son gets it sorted now, it’s not a huge deal, so yes your husband is being OTT - for now.

@Ciderida in that case he should have been mature enough to discuss and potentially ask for a longer pay back period. Presumably he's not a child. Maybe they shouldn't have purchased all the new items if they couldn't afford to make the repayments

In that case have a calm chat with him - point out it’s very poor form not to flag it. Possibly offer to stretch the payments over 3 years or something, if you can afford that. And tell your husband he is overreacting and being childish himself.

I think it’s crappy behaviour from your son, he wouldn’t have just forgot.

Now he’s been reminded what’s he going to to about it?

He’s going to start paying from 28th

With a down payment of 6 months’ worth?

So it’s all been sorted.

No I’m asking for that. He can just make 24 payments from 28th

There would be no leniency if he defaulted with a bank.
He didn't forget, everytime he used an appliance bought by the loan he would have had a moment of " oh no "it's not on and if he's old enough to have a child then hes old enough to budget properly and pay his father back.

Are they struggling financially? Have you checked that? If they’re very young and starting their careers etc and you’re in a position to cover some of it then why wouldn’t you. I’d always want to help
my DC where I can. If you didn’t even notice then it can’t be a priority. Its hard for young people, everything is SO expensive.
If you really want the money back speak
to him but don’t make a big fuss.. try not to ruin your relationship with DS, for the sake of some appliances.

This ^^

If you can afford it, then I would cut them some slack and reduce the amount they need to pay monthly and allow them to pay it back over 3 or 4 years as long as they are both decent people.

Young people need all the help they can get in this day and age.

If you can afford it and they’re struggling…..help them. What is the appliance?