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Original poster

Son not paying us back

83 replies

Ciderida · 17/07/2025 20:52

Hi,

about 6 months ago my dh helped our son out by taking out a 0% finance deal to get him and his gf a few new appliances for their home, they couldn’t get the 0% themselves and they needed the goods. It works out to about £78 a month for 2 years and it was agreed that they would transfer the money in to our account each month- we never agreed to pay.

I admit that we should have taken more notice but we’ve realised that they haven’t paid anything back yet. I’ve addressed this and he’s apologised and said they were just disorganised, and forgot. DH has gone mad and has said he “considers it theft” which I feel is disproportionate- we could actually very easily afford to just pay it but I accept that wasn’t the deal.

is my DH being OTT?

OP posts:
MustTryHarderAndHarder · 17/07/2025 21:29

MeganM3 · 17/07/2025 21:24

Are they struggling financially? Have you checked that? If they’re very young and starting their careers etc and you’re in a position to cover some of it then why wouldn’t you. I’d always want to help
my DC where I can. If you didn’t even notice then it can’t be a priority. Its hard for young people, everything is SO expensive.
If you really want the money back speak
to him but don’t make a big fuss.. try not to ruin your relationship with DS, for the sake of some appliances.

Agree with this as long as long as they are respectful to you.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 17/07/2025 21:30

Ciderida · 17/07/2025 21:20

No I’m asking for that. He can just make 24 payments from 28th

Show quote history

If they have just had a baby £78 a month is a lot.

Gingernaut · 17/07/2025 21:33

Ciderida · 17/07/2025 21:03

I get everyone’s point but I don’t think he did it maliciously. I think they are struggling a bit financially- new baby and maternity etc

If you believe that, I've got some magic beans to sell you

PhilippaGeorgiou · 17/07/2025 21:33

He forgot, you didn't notice.You are as bad as each other.

ThejoyofNC · 17/07/2025 21:35

He needs to set up a standing order.

Minnie798 · 17/07/2025 21:43

MeganM3 · 17/07/2025 21:24

Are they struggling financially? Have you checked that? If they’re very young and starting their careers etc and you’re in a position to cover some of it then why wouldn’t you. I’d always want to help
my DC where I can. If you didn’t even notice then it can’t be a priority. Its hard for young people, everything is SO expensive.
If you really want the money back speak
to him but don’t make a big fuss.. try not to ruin your relationship with DS, for the sake of some appliances.

Completely agree with this. I'd have bought them the appliances as a moving in gift tbh. How old is your ds?

BruFord · 17/07/2025 21:49

It sounds like you’ve got it sorted now @Ciderida. Even if it wasn’t malicious, it’s important for your DS and his partner to realize that they can’t burden their parents with their debt. If they were having trouble finding the money every month, the right thing to do was be honest with your DH and work something out.

If they’re old enough to have a child together, they’re old enough to manage their finances.

HunnyPot · 17/07/2025 21:52

Shocking behaviour. was your son supposed to pay all the money back or was his gf paying half? I couldn’t imagine not paying back my bf’s parents In this situation, especially when they were being generous in the first place.

DurinsBane · 17/07/2025 21:58

He should have set up the payment and made them as agreed, but yes it could have just slipped his mind, especially if they are busy with a baby. He made a mistake, but has apologised and is now going to set a payment up. So all sorted. Yes, your husband is being OTT

Tillax · 18/07/2025 05:52

Some of these comments 😧. Yes, of course he should have been more organised, or at least spoken to you if it was. Struggle. That said, he’s your son and it sounds like he’s struggling, I think it’s disgusting that your DH referred to him as a thief.

aGirlLikeJesamine · 18/07/2025 05:53

your dh is ott
just set it up

tripleginandtonic · 18/07/2025 05:57

I lend my dc money all the time. They pay it back when they can, but then I trust them to do so.

Cadenza12 · 18/07/2025 05:59

Ok it's not great but if they're struggling and you can afford it why not gift it? Isn't that what families do?

Bjorkdidit · 18/07/2025 06:14

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 17/07/2025 21:30

If they have just had a baby £78 a month is a lot.

Show quote history

Well that depends on their circumstances surely? The OP has said nothing about their incomings and outgoings and whether or not they have the money.

She's said they're 'struggling a bit financially' but not given any detail. It could be anything from their income not covering basic expenses and they can't pay their essential bills up to 'their income doesn't allow them to spend as much as they did when they were both working full time' or anything in between.

It could well be that they have quite a bit of slack in their budget and could pay the £78 easily by cutting back on non essentials. The OP says he's going to start paying from the end of this month so he just has to set up a SO and the OP can hopefully start to be paid back.

Bjorkdidit · 18/07/2025 06:20

Cadenza12 · 18/07/2025 05:59

Ok it's not great but if they're struggling and you can afford it why not gift it? Isn't that what families do?

Maybe the OP has already given them financial help? Maybe she doesn't want to set a precedent and show them that they're a soft touch and will just bail them out whenever they fancy a bit extra spending money?

It can be a bit of a slippery slope towards them tapping up their parents for essentials while overtly spending all their own money on holidays, meals out, tech, grooming, new cars, coffees and lunches, etc etc.

sesquipedalian · 18/07/2025 06:22

Hardly theft, but why didn’t he simply set up a direct debit to you when the loan was taken out? When my DM lent me some money many moons ago, I set up a DD to repay it. It’s not rocket science!

OneTipsyDreamer · 18/07/2025 06:23

Ciderida · 17/07/2025 20:52

Hi,

about 6 months ago my dh helped our son out by taking out a 0% finance deal to get him and his gf a few new appliances for their home, they couldn’t get the 0% themselves and they needed the goods. It works out to about £78 a month for 2 years and it was agreed that they would transfer the money in to our account each month- we never agreed to pay.

I admit that we should have taken more notice but we’ve realised that they haven’t paid anything back yet. I’ve addressed this and he’s apologised and said they were just disorganised, and forgot. DH has gone mad and has said he “considers it theft” which I feel is disproportionate- we could actually very easily afford to just pay it but I accept that wasn’t the deal.

is my DH being OTT?

If you can “easily afford to pay” for the items why wouldn’t you want to help your son? Maybe they are struggling. Your DH sounds horrible. It’s your son.

CallMeFlo · 18/07/2025 06:25

Minnie798 · 17/07/2025 21:43

Completely agree with this. I'd have bought them the appliances as a moving in gift tbh. How old is your ds?

Show quote history

Perhaps the OP & her husband did buy them a moving in gift she hasnt said they didnt.

Dinosaurshoebox · 18/07/2025 06:34

For those saying the OP should giftvthe money.
She specifically says DH gifted it, so is it his?

He has every right to be annoyed. He lent money in good faith and DS did not show the respect and maturity that that deserves.
It's a bit of a slap in the face.

I'd say your DS has burned that financial bridge now.

zebrastripesarefun · 18/07/2025 06:43

It was kind of your husband to get son the loan so son should set up standing order immediately so no chance to forget again. Son and girlfriend knew it wasn’t a gift

LottieMary · 18/07/2025 06:57

In future, offer to help pick up Facebook marketplace items. If he can’t afford them then he’ll have to figure out something else.

pilates · 18/07/2025 07:13

Poor behaviour. If he couldn’t afford the repayments he shouldn’t have asked his dad to take out the loan. You can pick up good quality secondhand appliances on eBay and Facebook. The fact you can afford it is irrelevant here. You are not doing him any favours letting him off the hook.

LumpyandBumps · 18/07/2025 07:20

Whenever there is a post about repayment of a debt from another adult, there are always posters saying that the lender should let the borrower off because they are the parents.
I have chosen to gift my adult children items and cash in the past, and almost certainly will do so again in future.
In this case, however, the original terms were as a loan. OP’s DH did not, on this occasion choose to make a gift.
The terms of a gift are determined by the giver. Had he chosen to make a gift I doubt he would have done so on the basis of making a monthly commitment for the next 2 years. An awful lot can happen in that time.
I think his comments about theft are excessive, but I can see why he is upset.
If DS genuinely can’t afford the payments he should have been mature enough to say this and maybe then it would have been reasonable for DH to have gifted an amount to purchase decent reconditioned items outright, for a much lower cost.

TwoPointOh · 18/07/2025 07:26

I wouldn’t have enabled my adult child to get in to £2000 of debt for new appliances. I’d have helped them to get them from other places.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 18/07/2025 07:35

when i couldnt afford a new fridge/freezer my dad took me to a second hand hotpoint shop and we got them on a budget he knew i could afford.
its partially your fault for agreeing to take out a two year loan for something you know they cant really afford.