Giving up work until our children are all in school

[WombForTwo]

I’m posting this here as I want proper advice, not snarky comments about our circumstances.

I am currently pregnant with twins. I’m 14 weeks and haven’t had an easy time so far. I don’t want to keep working if I can. My husband is fully on board with this.

My husband is a magic circle associate and earns £235,000 a year. I run a marketing agency and I am set to earn £275,000 this year, but it varies depending on contracts we secure etc.

My husband gets a performance related bonus each year and this tends to go straight into his pension, or investments.

we have circa £750k equity in our home and a remaining mortgage of about £750k. Repayments are £4,135 a month.

We have both had considerable inheritances from great grandparents. My husband’s was around £2.5 million, mine was about £1m. These were originally in trust and we continued the investments and financial advice past age 25, and they’re generally growing healthily.

ideally I would stay on at my company in a sort of remote boss role, drawing a salary and dividends but not working. But anxiety is holding me back and I don’t know why. We’ve become very comfortable and save/invest a lot. The idea of losing that, even just for 5 years, terrifies me.

good for you.

I don’t even know why I’ve posted. Just want some reassurance that I can do this and prioritise my health for once

Have you considered counselling for why you feel so anxious in spite of your objectively very secure financial position?

What is it you're worried about? Sounds more than possible for you to do this.

But anxiety is holding me back and I don’t know why.

I'm confused?

If you inherited 3.5m from great grandparents presumably there is a safety net from grandparents and parents?

Are you worried about your marketing company struggling without your working?

i fell pregnant at a young age with our daughter, and we were not comfortable at that time at all - family disapproved and basically left us to get on with it, and although those rifts have healed now (obviously, or we would’ve been cut out of wills!), it still just leaves a pit in my stomach when I think of it. I’ve had some substantial mental health issues during the start of my pregnancy, and I’m in counselling, but this just genuinely makes me feel sick to my stomach

Yikes, I think you're going to get some unhelpful comments.

HOWEVER, that's not what you need, or asked for. What you need is the permission to be able to step back, look after yourself and your family. Financially, you're in a very secure position, if you can keep your business running itself until you feel the time's right to step back in, or consider your exit options, you've got that back up in place, as well as your other investments.

I think managing your health, and then your babies' needs should definitely take priority, but that doesn't necessarily mean giving it all up - it may mean dialling back slightly, or temporarily hiring out the help you need to cover the short term, but you should be able to come back when you're ready with a smooth transition.

Go for it OP.

Do it, some of the best days of my life were when I was a SAHM with my babies

In part, yes, this is my baby and the thought of not being there each day makes me want to cry! But I also know I need to step back for my health

You have to see how completely out of touch your post is!

i fell pregnant at a young age with our daughter, and we were not comfortable at that time at all - family disapproved and basically left us to get on with it

tbf getting 3.5m at 25 is pretty young so you can't have been poor for too long. 😆

MC can be pretty intense and your DH may burn out but you have plenty to fall back on so I wouldn't worry.

I don’t deny how fortunate we are, but money doesn’t stop you suffering with your mental health.

gently I don't think this level of anxiety is normal so I would get some help
around that.

Re your company do you have employees, can someone step up? it must be very successful to pay out so much annually.

So? Does that mean she can’t ask for help? Is money a magic cure all for anxiety? No. The irony being you are mentally in a far worse position than this person asking for help.

Yes

MNs isn't the right place to deal with the OPs anxiety though. She has to feel secure not have others tell her she is.

I went back to work for a few months after my first and was then pregnant with twins, I took two years off with them, then hired a nanny who was almost full time, and then went back 3 days per week. If you’re nervous about stepping back too much, you could do something like that? The nanny took care of the kids when I was working, and was around for extra time when I was at home, which was also a big help with 3 little ones.

A nanny means the kids are looked after but you’re close by. As opposed to daycare?

What exactly are you anxious about?

It really isn’t, but it’s something I’m trying to deal with. I have amazing employees and know it would be okay, but it’s a mental barrier more than anything

Try to engage the rational part of your brain as much as possible, so the emotional part isn't running away. Your husband's income alone puts you in the top 10% of households in the UK. That's not accounting for the inheritances, house equity, bonuses, dividends, interest or your income to this point.
Rationally, knowing that on his salary alone you have more money coming in than 90% of the country do you see that there should be no way you can't make it work?

This is a good idea.

At the moment I’m anxious about everything. We tried for three years to get pregnant, and these babies were a huge surprise. I’m anxious about working too much and hurting them, or pulling back from work and destabilising our finances, or affecting my daughter, my daughter feeling like I’ve abandoned her if I continue working and then (god forbid) the babies end up in NICU. Everything feels overwhelming at the moment

No, but gently, it can pay for a lot of counselling and help because this level of anxiety with this level of wealth is disproportionate, you have had inheritances most people can only dream of and while I am completely sympathetic to you as I do believe you are struggling and this is not a deliberately goady post, the vast majority of people are getting by on much much less

Firstly, congratulations . Secondly, clear your mind of anything about premature birth. And cut short anyone who wants to tell you about ‘someone they know’ who had twins at 25 weeks or whatever. Relax, enjoy your pregnancy. Chances are your twins will be fine and this will be your last pregnancy, so enjoy it! Because it will be shite from about 28 weeks as you’ll be huge and uncomfortable!

You are financially comfortable enough to throw money at some of your problems. Think about a nanny, get your meals delivered, washing outsourced, and house cleaning outsourced. Your babies can be close, you’ll have time to keep your hand in at work, and devote time to mothering.

I’m not sure how much more money you’d need to be reassured you’ll be fine financially from not working for a few years.
Use the money you do have to pay for some help with your anxiety and I mean that in the nicest way possible.
All the best with your twins how exciting!

I recognise you OP even with the name change from other threads about other mental health issues and you need some proper proper therapy to unpick everything