Giving up work until our children are all in school

[WombForTwo]

I’m posting this here as I want proper advice, not snarky comments about our circumstances.

I am currently pregnant with twins. I’m 14 weeks and haven’t had an easy time so far. I don’t want to keep working if I can. My husband is fully on board with this.

My husband is a magic circle associate and earns £235,000 a year. I run a marketing agency and I am set to earn £275,000 this year, but it varies depending on contracts we secure etc.

My husband gets a performance related bonus each year and this tends to go straight into his pension, or investments.

we have circa £750k equity in our home and a remaining mortgage of about £750k. Repayments are £4,135 a month.

We have both had considerable inheritances from great grandparents. My husband’s was around £2.5 million, mine was about £1m. These were originally in trust and we continued the investments and financial advice past age 25, and they’re generally growing healthily.

ideally I would stay on at my company in a sort of remote boss role, drawing a salary and dividends but not working. But anxiety is holding me back and I don’t know why. We’ve become very comfortable and save/invest a lot. The idea of losing that, even just for 5 years, terrifies me.

I think you need to hire a very competent person to run your marketing company without you (and you can check in where possible to keep it on track)

I think you should hire a nanny or part time help with the twins

i think you should stop worrying about money, you have bucket loads

My mental health has gone to shit since finding out about the babies and I feel so, so incredibly guilty because we wanted these babies for so long

I think this doesn’t help. Everyone we’ve told so far has hit me with a horror story and after everything it took for us to get to this point I just can’t help the utter pit I have in my stomach

Go. For. It.

How lovely of you

of course you can financially. I would seek some therapy to support you to manage your feelings about stopping work.

I have a point through. Throwing around figures that most can dream off over a lifetime is not classily and is irrelevant. Stick to what matters if you actually want advice.

I’m struggling with my mental health and reached out to people who I thought might help.

Whilst including a significant amount of financial information that is not remotely relevant.

Assuming this is real then I’d say go for it!

Keep a helicopter role within your company if you think you’d be able to do that?! Do you think you’d just get sucked back in?

Definitely look at investing in an amazing Norland nanny who will help you run your home which will massively take the pressure off.

I think I would end up sucked in again. But I just can’t carry on as I am. I’ll look into the nanny, but I just feel guilty about that too

It is relevant it is very relevant because it goes to show just exactly how the OP is feeling numbers and amounts and keeping track are I think based on her other threads incredibly important to her and a means of keeping everything in check.

We may think money solves everything and on the one hand it definitely helps it isn’t always a fix and in this instance can cause harm

@WombForTwo as I said on your other thread you need professional help and an awful lot of it - the money is there get all the private help you can get

Wowwwww
You are in an AMAZING position.
Im a high earner but not that high...I'm pretty jealous tbh 😅

You aren't going to blow 3.5m in 5 years

Talk to your financial planner and get a good therapist (i had one post pregnancy after my baby was in NICU it was very helpful is broader terms)

You dont have to decide everything right now.

If you think you'll get sucked back in to work before a career coach too. You can afford all this stuff to help you so i'd use them !

Edit:I work with a women whose twins are at 35weeks! So that happens too!

You’re exactly right. Numbers are a huge focus for me and my method of control. I’ve had calories taken out of the picture for me and something else just sweeps in to replace it

Everything just feels all consuming and I want to get it all squared away

Ok, what's in the water today?! This is the 2nd post I've read about someone being worried about their finances when it's clear they're in the top 10%(?) of earners in the country.

I agree with @AlorsTimeForWine - if you're anxious, seek out a financial adviser and see about therapy. Unless you've got a major shopping addiction, I think you'll be fine being out of work for a few years.

Preach I hear this.

On baby 2 with the therapist we basically spent 8 months reviewing my perfectionism and insane locus of control. It took months for me to even recognise my perfectionism was an issue and making my own life hard

Definitely go for it. Some people (me included) are doing the same because we are comfortable and can afford to, and our relationship is secure enough that there's no concerns about a power dynamic. I'm also self employed so can step back in when I want, which sounds the same as you. Others are doing it because they can't afford to work with two young children in paid for child care. You, however, can afford to do it and thrive. Go for it!

You can always try it out and go back if you feel like you want to go back. You’re extremely financially secure, so why not?

Yes I suspected as much the calorie counting the control from that side has gone and a void needs to be filled

have you started private therapy yet?

There is a lot tangled up here. Presumably your company is a big part of your identity and you are worried about that going wrong. Objectively you could never work again and you would still be 100% OK financially given your multiple safely nets (DHs salary, inheritance and savings, house equity). However if your work is a big part of your identity, the thought of not working probably feels big. It sounds like there may also be an element of 'proving yourself' to family. You have been phenomenally successful already, so try not to let that bother you. (Easier said than done!)

You don't need to decide everything now. You will need some time off, so start planning for that in terms of staff. You can review how things are going and decide later how much and when you want to return. Even if you make a decision now, it doesn't have to be fixed.

Also do what you need to do for your mental health. Pregnancy can be tough. If people's comments are making it worse, pre-empt them by telling them you don't want to hear any negative stories.

i have, it’s intense and tends to leave me exhausted. We’re working through a lot of trauma from my late teens and university years. It’s really tough going and I feel like a failure

I had to google because I wondering how your husband was making over 200k as a magician 😅

You aren’t a failure of all the things you are it isn’t that. Your fixation on the numbers is just another thing to work through and it isn’t going to be easy so goodluck
I do think for your sake that stopping work for now is a good thing and is something you need.
can it run without you?