How much inheritance would you expect?

[Queenofkittens]

Okay so it's not MY inheritance but it is my mum's. Cut to the chase, my mum is receiving around £40k from my grandad's estate (my auntie is getting the same amount) and my mum has made it very clear she wants to give me some and I have no idea what her thoughts are in regards to the amount but she kept asking me earlier over and over how much would I 'expect'. I eventually caved and gave her a figure even tho I was very uncomfortable to do so, and she said well that's not the number I thought meaning I had asked for too much. I'm now sat here humiliated wishing I hadn't caved in and I can't stop thinking about it as I'm so embarrassed thinking it was totally unreasonable. Out of interest, what would you like/want if your parent was to ask u this? Just not to drop feed she isn't rich or even comfortable, she gets by with zero debts and mortgage paid off but still works full time (she's 63) and this is the biggest amount of money she's ever received so it's new for her to have this amount.

I would've said to her I don't expect anything it's your inheritance

Well my initial thought was that I wouldn’t expect anything but as she kept insisting I see why you’re asking. I would say 2-5k maybe.

I can't see how anyone can answer that, there are so many factors involved

I wouldn't ask for anything

Your DM set you up to fail.

Any number between £5k - £10k but more at the lower end and very surprised if closer to £10k .

Strange question it would depend on your relationship if the money isn’t needed for practicalities can’t you look at a holiday together something to make memories. Surely money is for living.

It’s a weird question for her to ask and I think you handled it fine. Don’t let her clumsiness make you feel bad about yourself.

Tell her exactly what you have said here, and that she put you on the spot. Make sure she knows that you aren't expecting any of it, and if she chooses to give you a small or large sum you would be very pleased to accept anything. And even if she decides to give you nothing at all, you will be fine with that as it is her money and not yours.

If I was totally pushed as you were I would have said £5k.

She was setting you up to fail. Very odd, controlling and unfair. In future just point blank refuse to engage in guessing games with her and repeat 'I really have no idea' and 'I couldn't say'.

I agree this is an impossible question, I think if pushed I would have said £5k.

Well that was a silly question.
I probably would have said £1000 out of politeness.

I agree

I wouldn't expect anything but would be delighted with £4k (10%).

I’d have pushed for more information before saying anything- do you mean enough for a holiday, or for a new bathroom? Or a nice meal in a restaurant?

I've told her numerous times I don't expect anything and it's hers etc but she said she wants to and she wouldn't let it go earlier I had no choice but to throw a number at her and I wish I hadn't I feel utterly humiliated, whatever she gives me is very generous she knows I appreciate it.

She's playing games with you. Some people get like this regarding wills and inheritances. Very distasteful of her.

And in fact I’d have diverted the conversation on to her, what does she want to do with it?

I wouldn't expect anything.

So I guess I'd just expect whatever my parent wanted to give me if anything

I would have asked for the lot tbh 😳

I wouldn’t ask for anything.
I would tell her it was hers to keep and she didn’t have to give me anything but if she kept saying how much would you expect I am going to give you something I would have said “I’m not sure, maybe 5 grand.”

Weird for her to say that and then not like the answer.

I am not mortgage free but have already made the decision that if I inherit from my mum I would split it equally with my children so I don’t understand why people who are comfortable (mortgage free) would keep an inheritance when their children do still have mortgages to pay. I think it’s odd but that seems to be an unpopular opinion on here so each to their own.

Just don’t mention it again with your mum and if she doesn’t give you anything so be it.

I did and I have, she's been very vague, all I know is that she wants to reduce her hours at work.

It feels like she set you up to fail. If she had a figure in mind then what possible reason did she have for forcing a number from you.

If I were you I'd say it's left a very bad taste in my mouth and it's best you keep it all rather than play games with me.

I really wouldn't have known what figure to give and so would have laughed it off with "£40k?"

Do you have siblings? Will she be giving you all the exact, same amount?

Very odd and weird for a parent to put you in a position like that OP! Given she isn't the wealthiest, and pressured you, I might have said any amount up to £5000.