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Original poster

How much inheritance would you expect?

111 replies

Queenofkittens · 22/04/2025 17:51

Okay so it's not MY inheritance but it is my mum's. Cut to the chase, my mum is receiving around £40k from my grandad's estate (my auntie is getting the same amount) and my mum has made it very clear she wants to give me some and I have no idea what her thoughts are in regards to the amount but she kept asking me earlier over and over how much would I 'expect'. I eventually caved and gave her a figure even tho I was very uncomfortable to do so, and she said well that's not the number I thought meaning I had asked for too much. I'm now sat here humiliated wishing I hadn't caved in and I can't stop thinking about it as I'm so embarrassed thinking it was totally unreasonable. Out of interest, what would you like/want if your parent was to ask u this? Just not to drop feed she isn't rich or even comfortable, she gets by with zero debts and mortgage paid off but still works full time (she's 63) and this is the biggest amount of money she's ever received so it's new for her to have this amount.

OP posts:
narcASD · 22/04/2025 19:21

@Queenofkittens what figure did you give her?
id have said around 2k so I can book a nice holiday with her included

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/04/2025 19:22

Movinghouseatlast · 22/04/2025 17:55

If I was totally pushed as you were I would have said £5k.

Same

blueleavesgreensky · 22/04/2025 19:23

Don’t feel humiliated. Why humiliated. She pushed you for a number so you plucked one out of the sky

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/04/2025 19:23

In fact probably £2k for a holiday or something

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/04/2025 19:26

What number did you name ?

I thinking if they kept asking maybe 10% so £4k

Anewdawnanewname · 22/04/2025 19:27

I can see being embarrassed if you said above £8k and she was thinking £500, but otherwise I don’t think you should be mortified.

IBelieveinSomething · 22/04/2025 19:29

What figure did you come up with?

stample · 22/04/2025 19:31

my dm had inheritance from her father which was split between her and my uncle. Just from a house sale.ni understand that my uncle split his with his wife. But my dm gave a chunk to me and my bro and my dc (her dgc)
however when my nan passed away she stated in her will what would go to who, meaning her 5 grandchildren (including me) all got a chunk of money.
nothing was a life changing amount but it was put to good use of course

Whynotaxthisyear · 22/04/2025 19:32

Queenofkittens · 22/04/2025 17:56

I've told her numerous times I don't expect anything and it's hers etc but she said she wants to and she wouldn't let it go earlier I had no choice but to throw a number at her and I wish I hadn't I feel utterly humiliated, whatever she gives me is very generous she knows I appreciate it.

You are on the sharp end of some kind of mind-game here, OP, much as your mum no doubt loves you. There is no correct answer to how much of someone else's inheritance do you expect, apart from 0. How much you want is another question, and may or may not have the same answer.
Don't feel humiliated - you fell into a trap! Another time you will have your answer pat, having spent the time working it out. How about:

How very kind of you to think of me, there's no need to give me anything. If you insist, I would put it towards a new hall carpet/holiday/car and any amount would be helpful.

Seeingadistance · 22/04/2025 19:33

TeenToTwenties · 22/04/2025 17:54

Your DM set you up to fail.

This. She sounds like a deeply unpleasant woman.

Waterweight · 22/04/2025 19:34

Honestly she set you up to fail here I think you need to just accept your not getting anything & refuse if she trys to pay it.

It's her money you'll get whatevers left once she dies.

BeeCucumber · 22/04/2025 19:40

Tell your mother she can keep her money. Tell her that you hope that it brings her joy and makes her life easier. I wouldn’t take a penny from her. I suspect that she will use any money she gives you as a stick to beat you with. I also suspect that she will tell you what to spend it on too. Not worth the grief for a few quid.

Allaboardtheraveytrain · 22/04/2025 19:44

If she was a generous mum who loved you, she'd just give you some without these games.

As she didn't, I'd just treat it like you were haggling at a market.

arcticpandas · 22/04/2025 19:51

It wasn't very nice of her to make you feel greedy when she pushed for a number. You probably said 10 k which wouldn't have been unreasonable if your mum's finances were good. Any way don't sweat it- tell your mum not to give you anything because you feel so bad about it now. That way she can feel ashamed for trying to shame you.

unsync · 22/04/2025 19:53

£3k and under keeps you within the HMRC annual gifting figure. I'd go in that range, citing that as the reason.

ChampagneLassie · 22/04/2025 19:56

I think your mum sounds a bit weird why does she want to make you feel bad? My DF inherited…I actually don’t know how much but probably around £200k from someone I was close to and whom we both thought I’d have been left something but no all went to dF. DF has never suggested giving me any, nor have I mentioned it. DF lives very comfortably on his final salary pension with piles of cash squirrels away whilst I’m haemorrhaging money on childcare whilst working.

Energe · 22/04/2025 19:58

I would say 5 but hope for 10

Energe · 22/04/2025 19:58

What did you say?

Comedycook · 22/04/2025 19:59

Jennalong · 22/04/2025 17:54

Any number between £5k - £10k but more at the lower end and very surprised if closer to £10k .

Yes this is what I would think

AprilBunny · 22/04/2025 20:01

In this situation maybe 1k.

HunnyPot · 22/04/2025 20:04

I would have started at £40k and let her negotiate down 🤣

JamesCricket · 22/04/2025 20:13

10k

Whoarethoseguys · 22/04/2025 20:14

I would have said I don't expect anything.

SingtotheCat · 22/04/2025 20:18

She sounds difficult. Distance yourself and let her sit with it.
You did nothing wrong.

blueshoes · 22/04/2025 20:22

OP, you did nothing wrong. Your mum is the one who is wrong to insist and insist even after you said none and then say 'wrong answer'. She foisted a guilt trip on you which you could never win.

I truly dislike these manipulative games. Why can't she take responsibility for her own decisions.

Lesson learnt. Just don't ever be drawn on anything specific your mum asks you re: money again.