How much inheritance would you expect?

[Queenofkittens]

Okay so it's not MY inheritance but it is my mum's. Cut to the chase, my mum is receiving around £40k from my grandad's estate (my auntie is getting the same amount) and my mum has made it very clear she wants to give me some and I have no idea what her thoughts are in regards to the amount but she kept asking me earlier over and over how much would I 'expect'. I eventually caved and gave her a figure even tho I was very uncomfortable to do so, and she said well that's not the number I thought meaning I had asked for too much. I'm now sat here humiliated wishing I hadn't caved in and I can't stop thinking about it as I'm so embarrassed thinking it was totally unreasonable. Out of interest, what would you like/want if your parent was to ask u this? Just not to drop feed she isn't rich or even comfortable, she gets by with zero debts and mortgage paid off but still works full time (she's 63) and this is the biggest amount of money she's ever received so it's new for her to have this amount.

She did say don't expect half and we both laughed but then kept asking. I don't think it's games to be honest I think she wants to get all her ducks in a row with what she's spending it on. Still mortified though.

Yes I'm an only child

Nothing but max of 4K

I’d find this really irritating to be honest, somehow I think you’d have been wrong whatever figure you gave. If she wanted to pass some to you, she should just decide the amount.

I wouldn't have wanted anything given her circumstances but I can see why you caved in. In that situation I would have maybe said enough to have a holiday somewhere (with the grandkids if there are any) so £2,000.

With £40k I wouldn't expect anything, I'd have suggested £1-2k if very pushed.

Why don't you come up with something you need or will need shortly - eg a new central heating boiler or a a new fridge freezer.

She may be more comfortable if she can see it as a tangible asset or benefit, rather than just cash you can blow on a holiday that she doesn't see as so important.

It all seems rather odd. Why did she keep asking you to give a number? Why do you feel embarrassed after a conversation with your mum?

I honestly can't imagine having this awkward conversation with any of my family.

If my mum said she wanted to share some of her inheritance I'd simply say "that's very kind of you mum. I really appreciate that" She'd then tell him how much. In fact this is exactly what did happen several years ago.

The skirting around the subject and not actually naming an amount is odd. Just tell your mum you don't expect anything but if she wants to gift you any amount she chooses then you'd be very happy to accept. End of conversation and guessing games.

I agree. It was a test you were always going to fail.

I wouldn't have 'expected' any of it tbh especially as it's only 40k in total.

If she's setting you up like this I wouldn't expect anything tbh, she's playing games with you. Does she have form for not following through?

Does she have a pension?

In truth £40k might not go far in helping her reduce her hours until she is 68 (if that is when she gets her pension) , and if she reduces her hours her employers pension contributions will be reduced.

She will need a find for new boilers, house maintenance etc.

It doesn't sound as if she can actually afford to give you any - just a nice gift to remember your Gran by, maybe. Tell her that.

And tell her you are not a mind reader.

I would have refused to answer the question. This stuff only gets muddy.

Me too, to deflect from the question.

I’ll take ALLLLLL of it please. And actually while your at it, maybe you could liquidate some assets and send me those too.

One of my parents just died though and I’m pretty sure I did say that we should just transfer everything into my account and cut out my sibling 😂 and we joked about it, lightened the mood.

Tbh it sounds like you were set up to fail.

Ask for too much and you're greedy. Say a small amount and your accusing her of being un-generous etc

When my mum died I kept half of the inheritance and shared the other half between my two grown up kids. Seemed fair.

I would say ‘I don’t ‘expect’ anything but the gesture is nice, what were you thinking mum? Realistically I think £3k would be a very nice gesture

20k but I'd probably say 2 or something not to sound greedy! Guess you were honest. She can't blame you for that when she's pushed you for a figure!

OP, she played you. has she been this manipulative before?

So how much did you say and I'll give you my opinion as to how humiliated you should be feeling.

@Borededyes id ask for house and car too 😂

I wouldn't have given a figure, no matter how many times she asked.

it would be "thanks very much, but I honestly don't want anything at this time" and then closed the subject.

Yep. A totally unfair question.

That sounds very fair, but I expect you didn't burden them with the dilemma of telling you how much to give them - you made the decision and they were free from having to worry about getting the answer wrong!

I'd be delighted to receive anything at all. I never have inherited anything even when my dad passed away. All my grandparents were long gone when I was born.
My dad left it all to my mum. I just want her to spend all the money she has in the ways that make her happy or make her life easier.

In an ideal world she'll have a wee bit left over for me but I don't think I'll live till a really old age. So it's more important to live in the moment, for me anyway.