How much inheritance would you expect?

[Queenofkittens]

Okay so it's not MY inheritance but it is my mum's. Cut to the chase, my mum is receiving around £40k from my grandad's estate (my auntie is getting the same amount) and my mum has made it very clear she wants to give me some and I have no idea what her thoughts are in regards to the amount but she kept asking me earlier over and over how much would I 'expect'. I eventually caved and gave her a figure even tho I was very uncomfortable to do so, and she said well that's not the number I thought meaning I had asked for too much. I'm now sat here humiliated wishing I hadn't caved in and I can't stop thinking about it as I'm so embarrassed thinking it was totally unreasonable. Out of interest, what would you like/want if your parent was to ask u this? Just not to drop feed she isn't rich or even comfortable, she gets by with zero debts and mortgage paid off but still works full time (she's 63) and this is the biggest amount of money she's ever received so it's new for her to have this amount.

I would’ve said “it’s your money”

There was a healthy tax rebate that paid to my account as I did the notifications of death, was asked if I was going to send it back to other parent, my reply: nah, spent it 😂 - I had already sent it back at that point though, they’d just not noticed

I think it depends on your relationship. My mum and dad would attempt to give me the lot tbh. They’re financially stable, nice lifestyle and have their own savings. However, I am also financially stable so would refuse - I’d let them treat us to a nice meal out.

I’d have thought £5k from your mum’s inheritance would be about right.

I will be leaving my own children a substantial amount (circa £1m between them if I was to die this evening) and would very much expect them to be generous to their own (if they ever have any).. but as they’re 10 and 3, this is not something I’ve given much thought to.

Honestly considering your mum’s finances, £0. If pushed for an answer I’d have possibly just said £100, a nice meal out. No way would I expect anything more than that when it’s only £40k, my mum is still working full time and wants to reduce hours

Bit of an odd thing to push you into saying, she should’ve either given you something or nothing! Not ask how much you want and then say ohhh too much- I mean you can’t win unless you say ‘nothing’.

Could you go back and say something along the lines that you aren't interested in the money but would love to go on a holiday with her?

I think if I was really pushed I would have said something like "well we're expecting the kitchen to cost x amount" or "well we're expecting to have to replace our car next year and looking at models that cost x amount" (or whatever upcoming big expense you have) and said that we would be hugely grateful for a contribution towards that.

I would have said nothing and tell her to enjoy it.
As she has told you that you will definitely get something I would say between £2000 -£4000 (4k max because that is 10%).

I’m guessing her mum was expecting her to be embarrassed and therefore come up with a ridiculously low number, and then she could act all generous by offering well over. The ops clearly not grabby but has obviously come up with a more reasonable amount to expect considering her mum wouldn’t stop banging on about it, so now she looks greedy

I would have said I didn't want anything but if she was insistent I'd be very happy with £100.

I’d have said £5k I think.

It’s not your fault op, don’t be embarrassed.

I would say if she wants to play stupid games like that then I don't want any of the money.

I’d be telling her next time she mentioned it that I think it’s a good idea about reducing her hours at work and getting out and about more enjoying herself.

If she’s say four years to go the that’s ten grand a year to make up for reducing her hours.

I wouldn’t say anything about money I was expecting. I’d leave it at it’s your money mum. If uncle wanted to leave it to me he would have. You enjoy it.

So, what number did you say?

Maybe say, look mum,I really don't want any of it, I am uncomfortable taking any of it, but if you must gift me something, then I do need a new hoover or washing machine or winter jacket, something like that.

I wouldn't have expected anything. 40K isn't a huge amount (well, obviously it is for some people but what I mean is that that amount of money goes quickly, especially if you give it away to people or use it to do much needed repairs in the house or whatever).

I don't like how she pushed and pushed you to answer. It sounds like a stupid game you might play with a child. It's teasing and it's not nice. You're always going to lose at that game because she can easily make out you are greedy if you say more than the figure in your head.
I would have just said I don't expect anything and stuck to that and changed the subject or told her I don't want to discuss it anymore. You keep it for yourself Mum.
However, now you've said an amount se can hold that over you.
It's a power game.

Pull the plug on it now. Tell her one last time you don't want any of it and you're not discussing it any more and then every time she starts change the subject or walk away or just say "As I've said, I'm not discussing this any more"

I wouldn’t answer that op. Knowing what mn is like, anything more than 50p and you’ll be called all sorts for being so greedy 😂 most have already ignored the fact that you did initially tell her over and over again you didn’t want anything, but she wouldn’t let you get away without answering. Your mum has made such a song and dance about it that I think it would have been safe for you to assume that you were going to receive a substantial amount. I think asking for half (or over) would have been unreasonable. But honestly anything up to 15k would have been a fair amount given the circumstances

You were pushed into giving her a number. I'd make it clear that she set you up to fail as you were flustered, it's not your inheritance it's hers, and you didn't know what to say, frankly.

10% of £40k is £4k, so under the circumstances, that's probably where I would have landed if pressed under similar circumstances.

Very odd behaviour from your Mum. When my Mum left me an inheritance I split 30 percent between my 3 DC. I did exactly the same when my Auntie left me money.

Well, she set you up to fail there didn’t she.

If she had been playing with a straight bat she’d just tell you if she had anything in mind and leave off the game playing.

It reflects poorly on her.
I can’t imagine playing cat and mouse over money with my kids.

What an utterly bizarre thing your mother has asked you! Has she always been a bit odd?

10% although it was an odd question to keep asking.

My parents are well off and don't need the money, and I've got a sister, so I'd say £10k (then they can give her the same and it's half)

But if your mum is not well off and really could use that money then I'd say £5k max.

She set you up to fail though so you couldn't win.

Treat me to dinner mum and perhaps you could buy the panto tickets this year.

None.