Splitting costs with boyfriend

[lurchermummy]

My daughter has recently moved in with her boyfriend, they are going to move out of the place they’re currently in and get their own flat together. The boyfriend earns more than twice what my daughter earns as she is currently studying and will then be training. However, he is insisting on splitting the cost 50-50, I think this is unfair and they should do it proportionally. I don’t know what is the normal rule of thumb in these cases, how do your adult children split their living expenses with their partners? They are in their 20s, they are not engaged but there is every indication that it is a long-term relationship as they have already been together for three years and have talked about getting married in the future.

So your daughter is a student?

Agree with all the other posters.
50:50 with what she can comfortably afford now. He can pay extra if he wants an extra bedroom to use as an office for now.
they also need to discuss how this changes in the future especially if incomes stay very different. What about when she’s earns more ?
what about when kids come along, will he do the one pot/equal spends or will he insist she still contributes 50:50?

This 21/22 young adult will be “insisting” on 50/50 because he, like the OP’s DD, wisely consulted his parents for advice. And they advised precisely how I, and I suspect the OP would have done, if we were them

This is a couple aged 21/22

come on!!

Thanks all very helpful yes they need to talk about this all now - I’ve always found money very difficult to talk about and it’s been an issue for me at times. Hopefully they can work something out that’s fair to both parties.

50/50 is fine so long as its set by your dds budget op, anything else is him taking the piss.

She’s nearly 23 he’s 25 if that makes a difference!

Tricky when she’s actually living there already!

So she’s 22 and a student

and you think a 25 year old should be subsiding her?

come on op. You know if he was your son you’d be advising 50/50

I want my responsibility free 25 year old son living In London enjoying his money as much as possible

not subsidising a student girlfriend

She should have been clear at the start with what she could afford! Before moving in

@Specialberriesshes a trainee solicitor with a job to go to when she’s finished her qualifications

They need to look for a place that she can afford to pay 50/50 on, it's that simple.

So...... he wants a bigger place because he'll be working from home? And in a nicer area because the current one is not good enough for him? Plus he earns more than twice as much?

Hell no. He'll have an extra room as his office, he'll have the heating on all day, he'll raid the fridge for lunch and snacks. Your daughter will be subsidising him if she pays half of all costs.

They should pay proportionally now and reevaluate the percentages if and when their incomes change. If they get stuck on 50:50 now there is a risk it will become set in stone. What would happen then if she takes maternity leave, reduces her hours for childcare or otherwise takes a career hit due to having his children...

You could argue he is using her to subsidise his desired accommodation and why should she be paying towards a bigger place so he can wfh?

Great

but at the moment she’s not

and wanting to be subsidised by her 25 year old boyfriend

Either she gets somewhere that she can afford

or you subsidise her!

@Specialberriesi feel like you are being very defensive and judgemental of my DD - she absolutely wants to be fair which is why she’s asked me for advice! I also want the arrangement to be fair which is why I’ve posted here to see what is common practice these days. Obviously if they were both in the same situation they would split everything 50:50

50/50 sounds reasonable to me given the circumstances.

Did you not read that ops DD is happy to pay 50/50 towards an accommodation within her budget but it is the bf that wants somewhere more expensive AND expects the DD to still pay 50/50 towards it?

He is the problem here, expe ting the DD to pay over what her budget is for something HE wants instead of paying the difference.

In their 20s, not married,no kids, just boyfriend and girlfriend 50:50 all the way.

However, she has a limited budget. He either works within that, pays extra towards the rent for a bigger property or they live separately.

This. Exactly this

i suspect this boyfriend most definitely does not see marriage etc on the cards

Then he should stop using his younger girlfriend to subsidise his future fancy apartment for when he's wfh then, eh?

Cause that's what he's suggesting here. He doesn't want 50:50 at what she can afford, he wants her to pay more for his own office, in a fancier part of the city to boot. He is the one looking to get subsidised.

So you aren't prepared to support your student DD but you want her working BF to?