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Original poster

Spending inheritance: what is fair?

93 replies

Perly · 28/01/2025 17:11

Recently I received £200k as an inheritance after the death of my parents. DH and I are both recently retired (both early 60s and in reasonable health, no mortgage or debts). We have two adult children who we will help financially if they ever decide to buy a property or have a family.
I've put the money into ISAs and savings for now, and also spent some money on the house and furniture etc.
I have been frugal and hardworking all my life, but have always hankered for some adventures after retirement while we are still able. I'd love to spend some of my parents' money on a motorhome (around £40k) we can travel about when we feel like it, and to do a tour of Europe. My parents would definitely approve... they loved to get out and about when their health was good. That would still leave the bulk of the inheritance safely tucked away in savings,
DH however thinks this is extravagant and unrealistic, and we'd be better off saving the money. My view is, if we don't like it, we can sell it again without too much money lost.
I see the money as our money rather than mine outright, but I also am off a mind to insist. On the other hand, I don't want to get a motorhome and have him fuss and moan so much it takes all fun out of it, so I need to be diplomatic and to help him see that it could work (he is a natural worrier and often has to be pushed gently into new ideas and changes). I think he'd be happy spending the next few years pottering about with the odd holiday now and again, whereas I see this as a unique chance to do something more adventurous.
Would this be selfish of me? I'm at an age now where I want to be a bit selfish after years of work, parenting and scrimping and saving. If it's of any relevance, DH stands to inherit an awful lot of money himself in future.

OP posts:

PullTheBricksDown · 28/01/2025 17:13

That last bit makes a difference for me. He can save all of his own inheritance if he prefers. I would get the motor home! It's not going to leave you with nothing.

Blue278 · 28/01/2025 17:14

Good grief. 200% with you. It’s a great plan. You’re not getting any younger. What is he saving for?

Cynic17 · 28/01/2025 17:16

It's your money, OP - spend it how you like. It was left to you.

Unless actually specified in a Will, inheritances can never be "joint". So, of course, the flip side is that if/when your husband inherits anything, that will be his money to spend as he chooses.

Original poster

Perly · 28/01/2025 17:25

Blue278 · 28/01/2025 17:14

Good grief. 200% with you. It’s a great plan. You’re not getting any younger. What is he saving for?

We would need to keep some money to bridge the years between now and receiving state pension as we both have private pensions, enough to live on month to month, but not enough to cover additional large expenses.
But yes, I also think it's a great idea and worth taking the plunge

OP posts:

Original poster

Perly · 28/01/2025 17:28

Also the general consensus on here seems to be that inheritance should be shared in the family pot. I agree, but also think some of it can be for shared adventures, especially now we have no mortgage to worry about. It would be a nice way to honour my parents I think.

OP posts:

westisbest1982 · 28/01/2025 17:28

Cynic17 · 28/01/2025 17:16

It's your money, OP - spend it how you like. It was left to you.

Unless actually specified in a Will, inheritances can never be "joint". So, of course, the flip side is that if/when your husband inherits anything, that will be his money to spend as he chooses.

That’s only if OP keeps the money separate, which doesn’t look like it will happen. In the event of a divorce the husband could make a claim for the money to be considered a matrimonial asset.

Getting back to the question, I don’t think OP is being unreasonable to spend less than a quarter of the inheritance. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Also, if you need to pay for care later down the line that money will have to be used, which the OP may not want to do.

PermanentTemporary · 28/01/2025 17:30

I think I'd talk a bit more about the travel side. Is it partly that he doesn't want to travel in a motor home? What would be the first trip you would take? I would get him involved in planning. Because if he somehow never does feel like it, it's going to be a huge white elephant. Unless there's someone else to ho with?

MissyPants · 28/01/2025 17:33

I love the idea. Life is for living after all. Your parents left you it to enjoy it, it wouldn't be money wasted at all, and like you say still plenty left over for the kids if they need a bit of financial help.
One thing I would say is there is no need to buy brand new. We got a second hand VW camper-van and it's brilliant, still like new. We go everywhere in it and have had so many adventures.
So perhaps a slight compromise would be to buy a second hand one?

kelsaycobbles · 28/01/2025 17:35

You have one life - live it ffs

Perhaps it's not so much the spending of money as he doesn't want to motorhome - does he have other suggestions?

What are his plans to make the Most of the rest of his life ?

hardtocare · 28/01/2025 17:37

Oh my word, spend it! Life is too short! Have some savings for a rainy day by all means but what's the point in dying with a fat bank account?

Original poster

Perly · 28/01/2025 17:38

I think he would actually love it. He is quite outdoorsy and practical, and he enjoys being out in nature. It's the thought of spending so much money that scares him. He was the same when we bought our first house in the 1990s, which turned out to be one of the best things we ever did.

OP posts:

TheyCallMeMrsBug · 28/01/2025 17:44

Is he worried about driving it? That would be my concern.

You are not at all unreasonable to spend some of the money on adventures though that is a great way to honor your parents as you say.

Kiwi83 · 28/01/2025 17:46

PullTheBricksDown · 28/01/2025 17:13

That last bit makes a difference for me. He can save all of his own inheritance if he prefers. I would get the motor home! It's not going to leave you with nothing.

This!

Chillilounger · 28/01/2025 17:47

Why not hire one this summer and see how you go? If you absolutely love it and see yourselves doing this regularly go for it. If you hate it or like it but CBA with it all the time then don't.

DeepFatFried · 28/01/2025 17:47

If he would enjoy the travelling about in a motorhome with you, then do it!

However, with wanting to help your Dc and not yet getting your state pensions, I would stop the spending spree on other stuff. The running costs on a motorhome will add to your general expenditure.

kelsaycobbles · 28/01/2025 17:47

The focus on where you can go , what you will do , and cost out other ways of doing it

Many vans will hold their value very well - buy second hand and resell for not much less so the financial side seems less scary

vandel · 28/01/2025 17:53

I'd agree with pp about renting a m/h for a longish trip and see how that goes. It's not all a bed of roses and things can go wrong. Plenty of Youtube campervanners out there, have a look.

Then, if you are in love with the campervan vibe, go and buy one and enjoy every minute while you are relatively young and healthy. I'm a great believer in not being the richest person in the graveyard.

AlphaApple · 28/01/2025 17:54

Bloody men and their pottering in the garden. Life is for adventures! Go for it.

SantasLargerHelper · 28/01/2025 17:55

Definitely get the van. We got one for our joint 50th, they're such fun and also as pp said they absolutely hold their value.

Life is very short, go off exploring ✨️

Justalittlebitof · 28/01/2025 17:56

Would you share the driving of it?

Onedaynotyet · 28/01/2025 18:00

Rent one first? Our neighbours bought one, thinking to share with extended family, but everyone wanted it at the same time and it didn't get used much in the end.

Candleabra · 28/01/2025 18:01

I think it’s hard to shift your mindset into spend mode if you’ve been a saver all your life. But this is your “rainy day” now. Don’t spend it all on the kids. You’re still young enough to have a great adventure.

Leaving20 · 28/01/2025 18:02

100% go for it! You'll be dead forever.

Gloriainextremis · 28/01/2025 18:02

I'd look at the difference between the cost of regular holidays and how much they would cost if you had a camper van instead. He might be pleasantly surprised, and at the end of it you will still have it as an asset you can sell.

GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2025 18:03

I had daydreams of buying a motor home. DH indulged me so we went along to a showroom to have a look round a few. We also looked at caravans as well.

We did not buy a motor home or a caravan. The idea was great but the reality put me off. Motor home means having to do the washing up and putting away before even popping out for a pint of milk.

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