Spending inheritance: what is fair?

[Perly]

Recently I received £200k as an inheritance after the death of my parents. DH and I are both recently retired (both early 60s and in reasonable health, no mortgage or debts). We have two adult children who we will help financially if they ever decide to buy a property or have a family.
I've put the money into ISAs and savings for now, and also spent some money on the house and furniture etc.
I have been frugal and hardworking all my life, but have always hankered for some adventures after retirement while we are still able. I'd love to spend some of my parents' money on a motorhome (around £40k) we can travel about when we feel like it, and to do a tour of Europe. My parents would definitely approve... they loved to get out and about when their health was good. That would still leave the bulk of the inheritance safely tucked away in savings,
DH however thinks this is extravagant and unrealistic, and we'd be better off saving the money. My view is, if we don't like it, we can sell it again without too much money lost.
I see the money as our money rather than mine outright, but I also am off a mind to insist. On the other hand, I don't want to get a motorhome and have him fuss and moan so much it takes all fun out of it, so I need to be diplomatic and to help him see that it could work (he is a natural worrier and often has to be pushed gently into new ideas and changes). I think he'd be happy spending the next few years pottering about with the odd holiday now and again, whereas I see this as a unique chance to do something more adventurous.
Would this be selfish of me? I'm at an age now where I want to be a bit selfish after years of work, parenting and scrimping and saving. If it's of any relevance, DH stands to inherit an awful lot of money himself in future.

Another one saying go for it and buy the motorhome!!

Absolutely do it. You're young enough to enjoy it. My PIL & my Dad left savings because they got too old to spend it. I was recently speaking to a financial advisor who told me that people save for their retirement then often leave it to late to enjoy it & as you get older you spend less. It's a balance...having enough to live but honestly, with that amount at your age I would 100% get out there for adventures.
If he's not up to for the motorhome idea could you book some fabulous holidays?

Motorhome sounds great but it still involves some hard work, driving, finding stopping places,

Why not go on stupendous holiday that you can both relax and enjoy. Perhaps take in bits of Europe that you would take the camper van to?

Inheritances are never something you should organise your life around.
When you both took retirement knowing you weren’t going to get the state pension yet, I’m assuming you had planned around that rather than assuming you’d get money from an inheritance to make it possible.

Which then makes the answer re the motorhome more obvious: Go for it!
With a condition: that your dh would enjoy a motor home and travelling with it once he has got over the ‘but we should save’

It's a lot of money to spend on what would be one or two holidays unless you plan to tour europe every year? It would probably make more sense to hire one for your first trip and if you really love it and think you will tour very frequently, then think about buying one.

The other advantage to renting is that you are not restricted to europe. For example, DH and I hired a motorhome and toured the Canadian rockies which was fabulous.

It’s your inheritance, do what makes (would have made your parents) happy.

We fairly recently lost my MIL and my husband received a relatively modest inheritance, along with his siblings.

I was incredibly touched when he gifted a fair portion to our adult children and decided to invest the bulk of the remainder in our retirement home.

As far as I was concerned, it was very much his, to do with as he wished.

(I’m possibly biased: would love a motorhome 😁)

you should definitely get the motorhome!

Oh my God woman, man up and just do it! For the both of you.

It sounds as if your parents are behind you too, wherever they are.

We are about to buy a Motorhome, have been researching for a few months and also went to the Motorhome and campervan exhibition. Definitley hire one it made us realise we wanted to do it but also what we didn’t want in a Motorhome. If you hire out of season it’s a bit cheaper. We are looking to spend close to 60k, that’s for a secondhand one, that’s just a year or two old. But will be travelling for months at a time over probably 2 years or so. DS is looking after the house when we are away, living in it.

They actually hold value very well, they can easily be 1 to 1.2k per week to hire. A pitch can be between 20 and 50 per night. In the UK many pubs offer free parking overnight as long as you have dinner in the pub or drinks though no electric hook up. It depends on what you want as your Motorhome life. If you pay out £30 per night, cook in your van, wander down to the beach, enjoy a beer looking at the sunset then it’s quite a cheap week. When we were in the hired Motorhome for a week it cost £500 but we ate out a lot and we did stuff like park up in town centres, £12 for a Motorhome for the afternoon for parking , plus visited castles and did sightseeing.

You can park more easily for free in Scotland and different European countries have different regs. It’s cheaper per day in France for instance though you have the ferry cost. if we like it enough we may ship our Motorhome to Canada for a few months, it is expensive but still cheaper than hiring. That’s something DH wants, I’m less sure.

I think the motorhome sounds great.. and a lovely tribute to your parents sense of adventure too.
What about renting a motorhome for a few weeks and seeing if you both like it? He might be feeling cautious about such a big purchase?- might be more comfortable if you try before you buy?
But, it is actually your money, not his- so if your heart's set on it, go for it. You do drive, not needing him to drive you??

Thank you for so many lovely replies. Lots to think about, and some really good points. I'm sorry to hear of people who regretted not enjoying their money before they had the chance. As with a previous pp, my parents had a lot of savings when they died, money which I know they could have used to enhance their lives.
I broached the topic with DH last night after I came home from an evening out. Unfortunately he has gone into a massive sulk and is hardly speaking to me. It's really upset me. I think it's because I pointed out that although I'd l hoped to use the money for something nice for us both, I don't technically need his permission. Of course, I don't want to force him to join me in something he doesn't want to do, but neither do I want to spend my good months/years (however long we have) pottering about with a sulky DH.

Something that occurred to me last night. Does anyone else at this stage in their lives feel like they are fighting against being 'boxed in' as the capable and reliable one of the household? I suspect DH (and one of my DCs) don't like that I am wanting to do something different and that I have am establishing boundaries. Both have been angry at me for not being my old self lately. I feel like this is a big turning point for me and they are scared and angry about it. Obviously this only my perception. I want to see things from their POV too.

OP I really hope your DH and DC can come around to your way of thinking. I think it sounds like a fabulous plan. My mum is similar in age to you and quite honestly nothing makes me happier than seeing her enjoying her retirement and spending her hard-earned and carefully invested money going on travel adventures after working and sacrificing so much for me and my brother, growing up. I hope they can see that you deserve this too!

I think it's a great plan but I would also hire a campervan and try it out first and also work out what size you want. Uts a great way to explore!

I'm not sure what your DH is saving for if you both have pensions etc! Yes it's important to be comfortable but also treat yourself at the same time!

Just over 2 years ago my mum died a few days after her 65th birthday, so I’d buy the motor home and go and enjoy life because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

@Perly n. Of course, I don't want to force him to join me in something he doesn't want to do, but neither do I want to spend my good months/years (however long we have) pottering about with a sulky DH.

There's a saying about those who retire: "Men grow slippers, women grow wings" and although of course there are many exceptions, I see this a lot with friends and their husbands. He wants his slippers and be at home, she wants to branch out. You have to decide whether, as you say, you join your DH in his pottering - and watch him grow more insular and grumpy old man - or keep chipping away to release his sense of adventure OR go off on adventures yourself if he won't join you.

I agree with pps - we never know how much time and mobility are left to us in our later, and not-so-later years. There's time to potter, and I love doing that myself, but only limited time and health to explore and have adventures

I inherited some money in the last few years and did exactly this - bought a little campervan. We looked for ages and like you, reckoned it would hold its value pretty well so no huge risk.

We absolutely LOVE going away in it, currently using it to walk the South West Coast Path. It's added significantly to our quality of life.

All our money is 'joint' but I'd have been extremely pissed off if OH got (unreasonably) sniffy about how to use money that came from my side of the family.

We're in our 60s and good friends haven't made it this far so I think we should try to make the most of opportunities while we've got them. Fortunately we're both on the same page with this.

I hope you can work something out with your husband.

I would hang on to it and not let him have any say at all until he gets his inheritance.
Then whatever he does with his inheritance you can follow suit.
I've come across too many men who have the "What's yours is mine and what's mines my own" mindset.
They should be reminded that what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander!

It sounds as if both men and women see retirement at the time to finally get what they want out of life, quite understandable!
However it appears that men want more of being cared for and made to feel special by the women.
Whilst women crave freedom from having to do all that sh¹t.

I would hire a motor home and see how you like it to start with. Cheaper and less expensive if you don't enjoy it.
Then buy if you love it and rethink if turns out not to be where you expected

I'd do it OP. Life can be short (I'm a funeral arranger, and lots of the people who come in to my care are not old). You've worked hard and it's time to enjoy life a bit. No point saving every penny if you're not around (or not well enough) to enjoy it. Sounds like you've made provision for your DC with the bulk of it, so you should enjoy a portion of it. Your DH can put all his future inheritance into savings if he so wishes.

Get it, but consider a shortish one. Friends bought an all singing long one and really regretted it. They traded it in at a loss for a shorter one. Easier on uk roads so less stressful.

I can recommend this. I spent a large part of my inheritance on a motorhome when my kids were young. My DH and I and our now adult children had so much fun with it. Summer holidays, festivals and even skiing. We are now also retired and are planning another big trip this year. It's a great way to see Europe.

Do it. We’ve went to three funerals of people in their 40’s last year. You’re not guaranteed long and healthy retirement. By the time you get DH’s inheritance one or both of you might not be up to traveling.
Having said that, our neighbours are late 80’s and are on holiday more than they’re at home but they've been very lucky health wise.