Spending inheritance: what is fair?

[Perly]

Recently I received £200k as an inheritance after the death of my parents. DH and I are both recently retired (both early 60s and in reasonable health, no mortgage or debts). We have two adult children who we will help financially if they ever decide to buy a property or have a family.
I've put the money into ISAs and savings for now, and also spent some money on the house and furniture etc.
I have been frugal and hardworking all my life, but have always hankered for some adventures after retirement while we are still able. I'd love to spend some of my parents' money on a motorhome (around £40k) we can travel about when we feel like it, and to do a tour of Europe. My parents would definitely approve... they loved to get out and about when their health was good. That would still leave the bulk of the inheritance safely tucked away in savings,
DH however thinks this is extravagant and unrealistic, and we'd be better off saving the money. My view is, if we don't like it, we can sell it again without too much money lost.
I see the money as our money rather than mine outright, but I also am off a mind to insist. On the other hand, I don't want to get a motorhome and have him fuss and moan so much it takes all fun out of it, so I need to be diplomatic and to help him see that it could work (he is a natural worrier and often has to be pushed gently into new ideas and changes). I think he'd be happy spending the next few years pottering about with the odd holiday now and again, whereas I see this as a unique chance to do something more adventurous.
Would this be selfish of me? I'm at an age now where I want to be a bit selfish after years of work, parenting and scrimping and saving. If it's of any relevance, DH stands to inherit an awful lot of money himself in future.

You only live once and can’t take it with you.

before buying a motorhome though I’d hire one for a 2 week holiday to check you like it. Then go ahead.

what exactly is he saving for??? And if there is more money to come, why save it all. £40k out of £200 is small and if your parents would approve I’d doubly go for it!

I'm really touched by the supportive responses from you all. I feel understood.
Yeah definitely feel like I am done with that nurturing everyone else shit
The poster who said about women wanting wings and men wanting slippers made me laugh. It resonates so much. I love a good day of pottering about, but that's not all I want to do.
I have also seen many acquaintances, friends, ex-colleagues lose their health or die too young lately. It's really sad.
I'll have a good talk with DH when his mood has improved. Hopefully he will agree at least to trying a hire motorhome for a while.

Get out there and live your life, OP. Your parents didn't leave you the money to help banks get richer 😉

I’m in the ‘buy the MH’ camp. My husband and I bought one when we were in our 50s, and then upgraded more recently. It’s the only extravagant and selfish thing we’ve ever done, and we’ve never regretted it for one minute! We go out in it for day trips, weekends and also longer holidays. It’s a home from home and we absolutely love it! I suggest you have a look at the motorhomefun.co.uk website, for advice regarding buying a MH, there’s a checklist of what to look out for. It’s definitely worth joining if you do decide to buy one, lots of advice from experienced Motorhomers about all aspects of buying/owning/driving one. You can browse the forum without joining first though. I’d suggest going to one of the motorhome shows, go into lots and lots of different vehicles, there will be brand new and used models. Sit in them, get a feel for them. You shouldn’t necessarily buy from a show, but instead use it as an opportunity to see lots of different lay outs and sizes to decide what would suit you best (if at all). Perhaps a visit to one of the MH shows might also help get your husband on board with the idea? I wish you the best of luck!

Can you rent a motor home for one trip/adventure to see how it goes? If DH enjoys it maybe he will be more receptive to buying one.

I know a couple who spent a lot of money on a .motorhome and a year on are trying to sell it at a loss. It just didn't live up to their expectations. Have you thought of hiring one to see if you'd actually enjoy it.

I'd like to not have to do all that shit so I like to stay in a nice hotel.

I recommend travelling when you are young & healthy

Some places charge £40 per night to park campervan per night. Some parking places are £5 or free (park4night)

Suggest, work out if you want to travel & stay in hotel ot similar or in a camper van for the money that you are looking to spend

We have an old camper (lot less than 40k) van & do other holidays as well.

The camper van life looks amazing on the Internet, but the reality is different.
Be careful about what size you buy, some parking places have size restrictions

If you are a flexible, easy going person, then you will love the camper van lifestyle

BEWARE

Always view all camper vans in person before parting with any money.
That includes any deposit money.
There ate loads of scam adverts on the internet

Good luck

We've got a converted campervan. We love it. We still work full time but we can go on a Friday straight after work and come home Sunday night. We also have longer holidays in it. We enjoy festivals too and have met some lovely friends through campervanning.

My aunt was in your position. She dreamt of a world cruise. She saved the money at DH's behest. A few years later (3/4) DH died. She could have then gone with my DM, but again didn't.
DA then became ill and had to go into a care home. It took less than four years to go through her considerable savings, then they sold her house.
DA regrettet not going even before she got ill. She worked so hard and was careful her whole life. I wish she'd taken the cruise. .

Bloody hell another miserable grumpy old git ( I have one of my own).
I don’t want to be too pessimistic but realistically if you are early 60’s you probably only have 10. - 15 years of holidays in you, I say go for it!

Oh no, that means I'm never having another holiday and DH has had a few he shouldn't have had.

I wouldn’t want to drive a motorhome in this country never mind overseas. Maybe hire one and see? Does your adventure have to a motor home? Could some holidays cut it?

Train from Portugal to Singapore? 21 days
transiberian express?

cruise?

Why?

Cruises aren't my cup of tea.

We are a bit restricted in the type of holidays we can take. As well as the money, we also inherited my parents' dog. He has become very attached to me since they died so I'd hate to leave him for long. Also a cruise would be my idea of hell
I enjoy driving, and enjoy exploring new places.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has been in the opposite situation, ie whose partner inherited and what they thought about how your partner used the money. Did you resent it? Would you have felt comfortable vetoing what they decided to do with it?

I have decided to be sensible and hire a motorhome for a few days in spring and see how it goes.

You too? How do you work things out? I find myself doing a lot of outings and activities solo or with friends rather than waiting for DH to find a sense of adventure.

We have met people in their 80s who have their own motor home & have looked fit & healthy

However, beware that some companies & countries will NOT hire out a camper van to people over the age of 80.

If you do not buy a camper van, please ensure that you still book lots of other holidays

Enjoy your life !

Suggest

Try a campervan

Try a canal boat

Try a motor cruise boat that you can sleep on (Norfolk Broads or rivers)

Try a caravan

.Do something !

You do not want to be 80 & say " I wish I had done XYZ"